SCENES OF CHRISTMAS 2007

New traditions and old ones combined. We know it will never be the same, but there is comfort in the rituals we perform. Christmas Eve at the Davis' with that succulent prime rib that Brian prepares so well. We amused ourselves before dinner with green drinks and red drinks and yellow drinks and purple drinks and clear drinks-did I mention that the preliminaries are an extended cocktail hour with interesting appetizers. "I'm not eating that, well I didn't think I was going to eat that, oh I wish I hadn't eaten that, hey, that was good."

It was odd that the sisters (referred to as "The Committee") independently arrived at special sister gifts that reflected their unique interests and personalities. If possible we have grown closer since the passing of Mother, but we have always had a connection that transcends time and distance.

Lori presented each of us separately with a guardian angel for our cars. I gathered the ladies together to pass out beaded and silver bracelets with a charm labeled "HOPE" and a toast to our Mother. Kathleen presented each of us with a glass figurine based upon astrological symbolism. Marcia provided each lady with major bling-new evening bags and beautifully delicate black and silver bracelets. My daughter smiled benignly but I thought again how much she would have enjoyed a sister. Her aunts include her whenever they can drag her away and she has a special bond with them.

The highlight of the evening was when we secretly decorated Kathleen's car with antlers and a big red Rudolph nose. For those who do not know, K's always been the one with the antlers and carries them on her rear-view mirror throughout the year. Understandably so, it was difficult for all of us to get into the mood, but this was the first glimmer of light. We all gathered outside and brought Kathleen out to see and, there is no other word for it, she pranced when she saw the magically decorated car and her smile lit up the night. There was not a person there who was not touched by how such a simple gesture could add so much joy to the occasion.

Christmas Day dinner was at our house as it has been for probably 30 years. We decided on a "Dirty Santa" this year with each participant bringing a wrapped gift. We each drew a number and oddly enough the eldest, Dad, chose number 1 and the youngest player, David picked the last number. Dad was fantastic as he went from package to package, shaking them, feeling them, holding his hands before his mouth in feigned consternation over which package to choose. After a few rounds the "trading" began. Kristen and Matt's strategy was to choose the same item so as to increase the odds of getting at least one of the desired objects - the flying helicopter. However, Dad is a bigger kid than any there so the battle waged fiercely for those darned helicopters! At any rate they ended up with one. The final chooser, David, looked at the assorted booty and said "I really don't want any of it!" Too funny, especially since the last wrapped package was the one he brought and he didn't want that either. I thought we would collapse from laughter.

Each person would drift now and then as we remembered Christmas' past and looked forward to a better New Year. Dad, usually the life of the party, was much quieter than usual although he tried. We understood and just kept moving things around him or brought out another distraction. But Jamie put it best when he said "everyone would be there except the empty chair". Leave it to a 10 year old to put it in perspective. Merry Christmas Mom.

MOVING SCENES

Probably moving the weekend before Christmas was not the best idea, but Kristen and Matt had little choice in the timing. We along with one of Matt's friends managed to move the big items into their new home in one day. Fortunately Matt had spent the previous two weeks packing, sorting and moving boxes beforehand. As he pointed out, he moved all the boxes on the snowiest day of the season and moved the rest of it on the windiest day of the season. Great timing, but it is December.

Some choice remarks on the day "Never a third floor residence again!" (well it made sense at the time). "Where's the cat?" "Old people have good ideas (when we remember them)!"That's never going to fit" (it did) and of course, "#!$%" by everyone at one time or another.

As I sat in their living room on a lawn chair-furniture shopping is next on the list-I enjoyed watching my children in their first home laughing, fussing and thoroughly enjoying the moment and remembering our crazy crews of movers when we were young. Almost lost Larry on a pile of bedding in one move as we took a corner a little too fast. This was in the days before mandatory seatbelts and MIOSHA and our daring friend decided to "ride" the load to the new apartment. That was the move where the boys were tossing items up to the balcony to avoid taking the stairs every two minutes. Only broke one thing and I just chose not to look.

The stair idea was something we should have considered as all of us had aching calves for two days. Oh well exercise is good.

ANOTHER MILESTONE

December 11, 2007. My beautiful daughter's 25th birthday. I say to her as my younger bratty sister said to me. You are a quarter of a century old today, or will be at least at 10:03 am officially.

I know every mother says this, but I remember the night/day of your birth like it was yesterday. I worked that day and then your father and I took his employees out for a Christmas dinner at the now defunct Lansing Playboy Club. I actually enjoyed some wine for the first time in almost nine months, which we got to watch come back later along with a nice dinner. As we treated our party to cocktails and coffee at the house you decided to bust my amniotic bubble and the race was on. After gently easing people out the door, we looked at each other and giggled - now what (last time I giggled that night I can assure you). So I called a friend, Jan and said now what? She hollered "go to the hospital!" This lady had given birth within minutes essentially herself so her fear was real.

You however took your own sweet time, about 12 hours. Very long boring night punctuated with moments of great excitement, yelling etc... I do remember telling your father at one point to cut out his darned insistence on following the script and relaxing during a contraction. I believe I told him what he could do with that suggestion-nicely I am sure.

When the doctor was about to leave to teach a class we gave one mighty effort and spoiled his leaving. At one point I said they should have music for this like the "Volga Boat" song. You know Yo Ho Heave Ho. Seemed appropriate. The doctor, probably for the first time in his career, suggested we put a sock or something in the Mother's mouth to keep her quiet. I do distinctly remember that. I was the Star and I think it was funny.

But I will always remember the look on your Father's face and the tears that fell from his eyes, unnoticed I am sure, onto his mask as they placed that beautiful little girl with all that dark hair in his arms. They have always had a special bond those two.

Happy Birthday Kristen. We love you!

SEA SCENES

I was able to share something truly unique last night. My sister Marcia is on a cruise to Panama over the next ten days. She is, deservedly so, indulging herself with a seaside suite complete with balcony. I receive a call shortly before 5 pm and she is calling from her balcony!

She first, at my insistence, describes that the railing is "boob high" with pexi-glass covering the openings. There is a small canopy over the top. This is in response to my insistence she tie a rope to her ankle and the railing to assure no "woman overboard" incidents while enjoying her cocktails on the veranda dutifully and frequently supplied by William the cabin man.

She yells excitedly "we're moving". We hear the bells and whistles and I yell BON VOYAGE several times while telling her I am pitching virtual streamers from dockside. We watch as the pilot boat takes them down the channel describing the mansions that face the water in that area of Fort Lauderdale. She is accosted twice by a coast guard boat who are also part of the water parade. The second time as she is happily waving to the crewmen I tell her "Pay attention!" "They're yelling, find your life jacket, the boat is sinking!" Eventually I give up and we wave at the handsome crewmen together. Should be a spectacular disaster.

With a final, long and in my opinion, totally unnecessary blast the ship is set free from her tethered pilot boat and they are alone on the high seas. Best of journeys to my own Sister Princess on the aptly named "Coral Princess".

HOME SWEET HOME

Big news this week is Matt and Kristen will be signing the papers on their new home. A sweet cape cod with 2 car garage, some outbuildings and 2 1/2 acres. Guess we'll all be working on a holiday move-should be fun. I get the bedroom back and Kristen gets to use all her beautiful wedding presents. Best part is some wonderful mature trees perfect for Uncle John to build a tree house.....

Running joke for me was my daughter graduated college in 2005, got married in 2006, bought a house in 2007. What's in store for 2008? Matt said, with finality, in 2008 we rest. Hmmm his wife may have other thoughts.

MORE BIRTHDAY SCENES

My birthday was a mixture of emotions. The patriarch, Roy-ly declared he would be in attendance for a dinner. We would go someplace special. He did allow that I could pick the restaurant although he would have been happy to go back to DeLucca's for the upteemth (it's a number, look it up) time. He would purchase his own dinner and drinks. He is prone to pronouncements these days. We all obey as his loyal subjects of course. Better to laugh than to see him cry.

My husband and I and His Highness met my daughter at an eclectic supper club in downtown Lansing called the Cadillac Club. Very bizarre place and very low-down yet sophisticated coolll. Built, I kid you not, in an old bowling alley. The dance floor still bears a remarkable resemblance to bowling lanes -which of course it is! We enjoyed me enjoying a birthday drink called the Le La? Lu Lo? Ye hah? I have no idea. I do know they set it on fire way to close to me and we all yelled the appropriate words which I am pretty sure were not "OOPA!" Wrong cuisine. I waited patiently for a genie to appear. They didn't say that would happen, but I assumed.

We proceeded to drinks, appetizers, drink, dinner, drink, drink. In due course two young men showed up with a couple of 6-srings to play a medley of 60'sish songs. They were apparently substitutes for whoever was scheduled, but the 7 or 8 of us in the place were polite. As Roy-ly is rolling at this point he talks about getting a request played. The 20 something hostess comes over to see if all is well, well we were a little noisy. Roy-ly asked if she had ever heard of Guy Lombardo-we are sufficiently comfortable enough to enjoy her consternation and confusion. Oh give me a break. Even Kristen knows who Guy is.

Roy-ly then decides he is going to ask for "To Each His Own". I try to stay his enthusiasm by relaying that boys who are playing Jimmy Buffett and Moon Dance are not likely to know any 40's music. Undeterred he approaches and makes his request-always prefaced by the throw away line "Well I'm old". Apparently this opens doors and provides freebies or at least understanding. We'll check our sheet music they say. Nothing. Roy-ly keeps waiting. I try to point out the lack of knowledge of our young entertainers. He decides if he tips them, magically the music will appear. We finally put everyone out of their anticipatory misery but ending the evening about 9:00. Big fun.

Mother would have loved the evening. In fact Roy-ly relayed some fascinating stories about their travels and him hauling her out of places when he thought she was getting too much attention. Mother was in my thoughts many times that day and I missed her especially on my day. At 8:30 am I always called her on Nov. 8 to thank her for my birth. As 8:30 approached I was hurting when the phone rang. My own beautiful daughter called at that precise moment as she remembered my ritual. We live on in our children. You would think I would know that by now. It helped.

FAMILY, LOVE, PURSUIT

Just got back from a family weekend. It is quite a production when we get together, but it is always highlighted by good food, extreme laughter and possibly a new cocktail or two. Every year we celebrate the November birthdays while the "boy" is up with his father chasing the elusive white tail or sleeping in his blind (pick one). Actually that's not fair, he is sleeping because he always catches a cold in honor of the season so he is either coughing his head off which the bucks take as a mating call or he has mixed a few cold remedies- hence the nodding off at significant moments. But saves time when you don't have to drag multiple deer carcasses out of the woods.

Big joke last year was him watching a small "button" buck wander back and forth several times in front of his blind. After testing the waters, he kept wandering back, no doubt sticking his little pink tongue out with the deer equivalent of Nyeah nyeah. However the agreement was, no spikers on opening day. Hold out for the big horned buckeroos. Well eventually he wanders off, no doubt bored with the one-sided game. Within a few minutes, shots ring out. The boy gets on the walkie-talkie to his brother. "Did you just shoot a little buck?" "Well, yeah I did" reports his brother. Apparently the one-sided game did not apply to everyone....

Anyway back to the story. We combine my brother's, brother-in-law's and my birthday as an excuse to enjoy one of Brian's famous meals. Three scorpios in one fell swoop. Who needs booze? This year was extra special as the Michigan-Ohio game was happening Saturday as well. My brother-in-law, alias the chef, is an avid-take no prisoners-we are number one-Ohio fan. Two of his friends arrive each anniversary of the game wearing very deliberate blue & gold garb and cheering on what Brian considers the wrong team. Makes for some interesting insults dependent upon who's up. Well no contest this year as Ohio took it to Michigan at Michigan. As a rabid Michigan State fan myself, no tears were shed by anyone to see Michigan get beat.

Gets better. This is an all-day affair. First it is Mexican/international fiesta at noon with several different offerings of exotic and better not to ask what's in it food. Then this is followed by a Brats & sauerkraut dinner, followed by birthday cake. Oh yes signature cocktail was Lemon drop and some lime thingee.. Delish! Unfortunately I got sick between the first and second course, only had 2 cocktails and ended up praying in a pot (use your imagination) during the sauerkraut and cake extravaganza. Also since my brother didn't show, Brian had Happy Birthday all to himself. Oh well he did do all the cooking.

But here's the thing. Life has been so fragile lately with all of us dealing with our Mother's death in different ways. Denial, depression, hysterical laughter, mysticism, spiritualism and tears at the most unexpected moments triggered by the oddest things. We have all had our moments and some of them we have together. It has helped us see the value of life in whatever way, shape or form it takes and live it to the fullest. It is hard for us to see that and easy to take the day to day for granted.

I know I do and I am trying to see beyond just work and duty and try to be who I am and who I must be or I have squandered my chances. I must try this writing thing and circumstances have taught me that I only have myself to blame if I don't pursue something I like even if I'm not the "best drummer in the world". I still have the right to enjoy and practice what gifts I have even if I am the only one who hears the music.

SCENES FROM THE LIFE OF ROY-LY

Had Dad for the week and it was interesting. It was nice to come home each evening and have our "cocktail hour". He was quite impressed that I whipped up my vodka gimlet in a real genuine cocktail shaker (shaken not stirred). He was drinking his martini variations in a plastic water glass the first night even though I have every type of hi-ball, martini or wine glass you would ever want. Too funny, but then so Dad.

The "boys" went bowling a couple of times and he raved about the fancy structured hand torture device the pro talked him into buying. Guess I can't judge too harshly, he promptly went out and shot a 210 with the damned thing. He and I went to dinner at a wonderful Italian place here and had a great time. Who is this guy who is talkative, witty, charming, etc.... I stopped for gas on the way home and he literally leaped out of the car (well he is 83) to do the "dirty work". For an independent woman, it was quite a revelation.

He accompanied the Burt man on his Saturn route to see what it was like to ride in a $45,000 Saturn. Now there's an oxymoron -$45,000 Saturn. It better have hot and cold running everything. The main result of that adventure was that Burt apparently runs on fumes and the low gas beeper works like a charm.

But he still wanders at night; reads everything he can get his hands on in the quiet times; turns her picture around so he can't see her face and talks around the edges of his pain. We all grieve in different ways. It's just hard to watch his.

SCENES OF LIFE

Amazing how much the personal world can change in a heartbeat or the lack thereof. At 6:10 pm, Sunday, September 30, 2007 my sister Kathleen whispered those words in my ear that "Mom just passed away. Lori is with Dad and just called me". I literally dropped to the floor clutching the phone to my ear so all she heard was gasping breaths. Strange how the world kept spinning, dinner was being served and my heart kept beating. Expected? How can the unthinkable be expected. Don't let anyone kid you on that one.

Still coughing hard with the emotion that was pouring out of me I scrambled for the phone number of my next in line sister, Marcia. Burt was trying to make me wait until I calmed down a bit. As if I could. No, it was more important that she be with us in this horrible moment as soon as she could. There is a strength with the 4 sisters and I needed to close the circle. Again almost the same words and nothing over the phone line, that fragile phone line, besides my sister's heart wrenching sobs.

You move between the practical and the pain without clear direction or thought. "Need to get there, why didn't I go see her today, what should I pack, why can't I breathe." Very strange. Phone my daughter, who came within minutes and soaking her shirt as I had my husband's minutes before. How can you hurt that much and keep functioning. Driving there you keep envisioning silly things that make you gulp. It is not the great things that a person accomplishes that make you remember and hurt it's the little idiosyncrasies and memories of the two of you that you keep thinking of and know will never be repeated.

When we arrived, Lori and Dad were sitting outside in the beautiful, warm, soft darkness of the Sunday evening. We went to her room where she lay quietly and peacefully, already gone, but so much there. I adjusted her covers as I remember how she was always chilly never thinking it odd because of course she could not feel the chill. I talked to her like I always did, and kissed her warm forehead. She sometimes slept like that when you arrived and we always woke her up to tend to her company. Then she would get on a roll and the conversation would be loud, spirited and laughter-filled.

Next couple of days filled with the details of sudden demise. As complicated as a wedding and done in record time by professionals who do this every day. Strange occupation, but then absolutely necessary. Laughter ringing out at the oddest moments as we recalled something from the past or something unexpected surfaced and we did not know how to deal with it. Jokes and silliness such as my suggestion we all wear tee shirts that say "I told you I was sick". Amazing how your mind works, when the reality is too raw to deal with.

Worked on the obituary which "The Committee", as my husband dubbed us, edited. Prepared a memorial card which was approved by "The Committee" without change. Carried a notebook around to jot down thoughts that occurred if and when an eulogy was prepared. It was my way of coping.

Picking out flowers that were more beautiful than they had a right to be when they were draped about and surrounding her. Picked out her final resting place and containment. Dad noticing the spot under the oak tree as shady and nice. Thinking her white and gold bed was "too fancy", but he was overruled with assurances that his would be the plastic bag he always said he wanted. See what I mean? Hilarity amidst the pain.

The visitation day full of friends and family and much laughter and full throats. She looked so beautiful in bright red and gold. Her girls wearing the colors that she always liked us in. The day of the funeral when you couldn't breathe without hurting I observed my sisters. The oldest bending over to pick up and cuddle her grandchild much like our Mother. The middle one looking and sounding much like her and the youngest coming up with "Mom ism's" and her little one resting his cheek against her legs during the service very much like he did when we first came home that Sunday night. No words just assuring himself that "his" Mother was still there.

The eulogy that I gave borrowing Dylan Thomas and my son-in-law's words to describe his relationship with my Mother plus all the thoughts I jotted down from everyone the last few days. Focusing on the 3 words that I thought described her best: Passionate - Strength - Family. It seemed easy to speak watching the people and seeing them laugh or nod. I only faltered at the end, when I had to say the final good-by. But then the Irish Rovers singing the Unicorn song for the recessional was so fitting, you just had to smile.

2 MINUS & COUNTING

One more day waiting for the elephant to expose its presence by dropping a load. The day started with treats and a whimsically worded sign "Going Out of Business Party" set up by some wag at the office, possibly myself. Got a big laugh out of everyone. I understand the DOT gang hosted a "Last Supper" potluck. Man I love how we rise or perhaps fall with adversity. Sure beats P'ing & M'ing.

A few more clusters and rumors but hardly any hand wringing observed. Everyone is too busy. Rather like getting ready for vacation and trying to get what is totally essential completed before the proverbial ax falls.

Asked the boy what I would do in my lay off status. He mentioned a porch needing painting and someone to tote that bale and lift that barge to create the patio extension I have been wanting. Momentarily at a loss to think "I must work" in my layoff status - which of course as a State worker I am so unaccustomed. I quickly pointed out that although the labor is cheap, there is little capital available for materials. Whew-dodged that bullet.

Perhaps we should go back to the Silver Lake region to ride the wild sandy buggies. That one sublime moment when we plunge over the hill at 30 mind blowing miles per hour with hands raised, screaming our guts out sounds like a definite cure for something. As a fitting punishment I propose strapping our clueless legislators to the back bumper and letting them feel the grainy soil on their backsides until they agree that fighting like kids in a sandbox can really be painful! As Captain Picard would say "Make it so Ensign".

LIKE SOME CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE??

It's official. We have been led astray by the the velvet voiced Karen from Australia and Jill from the good old U S of A. All over the "little" peninsulas due north of Traverse City. Did you know they make WINE up there? Right, we didn't either : ). But Karen our traveling vixen knew and led us to one improbable bucolic setting after another, where we discovered, much to our amazement, that Michigan grows grapes!!! And, and, and, we make nectar from these grapes!!!!

Ooh Ooh just one little taste. I promise I won't buy anymore unless it's something very extraordinary and different. Wrong. Bought from every one. And I am happy. No wait, did not buy at Shady Lane Cellars located in the "spectacular, refurbished cobblestone chicken coop". No doubt the ordure overwhelmed the odor. Did buy a totally appropriate tee shirt proclaiming WINE GODDESS for myself. Slightly less pretentious than the WINE SNOB shirt I contemplated but it just did not fit the boy.

BEL LAGO, BLACK STAR, CHATEAU de LEELANAU, CHATEAU FONTAINE,LEELANAU CELLARS and Gill's Pier & Delicatessen. Don't the names just roll off the tongue? And trust me a little taste (or six or seven) at each delectable stop did not dull this sharp tongued connoisseur (or common sewer) of the grape. I shrewdly swirled, tasted, rolled, spat (swallowed often) and chose with discrimination and class. Price was no object or at least was not objectionable. My designated driver gave up midway through the adventure forcing me to offer him tiny tastes of some wines that were "just too exciting to not try just a little". Or just taking his tastes for him. I am not high, just very happy and charming and possibly more witty than I remember.

As for Jill or Karen or Eleanor, she travels with both Burt or myself as a constant reminder of roads less traveled or newly traveled. Of the sheer lunacy of trying to read a map upside down or sideways and still getting it wrong. She gently, yet insistently reminds us of the next turn and, when we run astray, calmly proclaims "Reconfiguring" sending us in a subtle but gentle loop and putting us back on track. No recriminations, just a clear-eyed guide to the proper path. Rather an analogy for life I think. Thank goodness for the military putting all those little "spies in the sky" to help us locate ourselves.

STATELY SCENES

3 Days and counting. Well we keep on a'keeping on with the damn elephant in the living room. Shall we blame the legislature? Engler? Big Business? Iraq? Oh wait, it's all those selfish state workers who refuse to quit working. Anyway I guess all of the above.

But no huddled masses and wringing of hands. Offers of "I can't disappoint this group of people", "how do we hold this meeting?" "Is there anything else we can do to help?" Rather humbling to realize that even in the midst of bad news and even less hope, people keep doing the right thing. Might even readjust my naturally cynical view of people. We feel the pain of our brothers and sisters in Michigan and, especially poignant, many Lansing folk have both GM and State worker breadwinners. Especially scary times.

There is actually a slightly inappropriate carnival atmosphere. Rather the way people respond when the disaster actually hits - a level of subdued excitement that the worst really happened and how well can I deal with it. How will I cope? Me, I just think, cool, I can finish a couple of sticky projects that refuse to be tamed amidst the usual work time interruptions and other priorities tugging at my skirts. We will be just fine-whatever happens.

A STACKED DECK INDEED

Visiting with Mother the other day I answered a question the nurse asked with a revelation. When she asked how many children Mother had I said "4 Queens and a Knave". A full deck of characters. The more you think about it, the more it makes sense. Accomplished strong women all, loyal to each other and each immensely herself.

Kathleen - Queen of Hearts - kind, compassionate, non-judgmental Mother, a tigress when aroused

Marcia- Queen of Diamonds - classic, sharp, a precious gem of sharp edges and infinite fire

Lori - Queen of Clubs - soldier, world traveler, confident, and tougher on herself than anyone else

Sheila -Queen of Spades - strong, acerbic tongue, defender of the weak, hater of those who take advantage.

BIRTHDAY SCENES

Amazing how life loves to screw with you. Or best laid plans, blah blah blah. It was the boy's birthdy on July 10 and wanted to have some fun with it. NOTE: He hates surprises and I love to be creative. Translation-collision course inevitable, but it keeps life interesting.

Anyway the daughter, son and I decided to get Dad an MP3 player. They are the techies but I thought he might like it for exercise, driving for Saturn or playing his "Hermans Hermits" greatest hits without inflicting it on the rest of the civilized world. Actually he said now he needs to find Patty Dukes' one and only album on CD so he load it one -EWWWWW, but I digress. Anyway I pick one up that has 8GB on it (more memory) and the kids decide, no he needs the Apple IPOD. So they go buy that one and I have to take the first one back. So far so good.

Second stage-I talk to his golf partner and say drag him to the sports bar after golf tuesday and we will all be there with cake and assorted bells and whistles on. Meanwhile the boy asks -are we doing anything tusday night? I kind of go hmmm hmmm and he says fine, he'll just golf then.

Here's the fun part. K & M are supposed to pick me up at 8:00 to go to the golf course when the mother of all lightening storms moves in-are they golfing or not? Then at 6:15 Burt's golf partner calls and says I'm so sorry, I was locked out of my car, had to walk home, and ahh ahh I'm not at the golf course. Shisskeeee. Ok-plan B-go to golf course as planned and put a note on his truck -not quite the surprise, but that'll work. Meanwhile I retrieve the cake I baked from the dryer-he would never look there-and have the plates, etc ready to go on the counter.

Plan mess-up #3. At 7:20 birthday boy waltzes through the back door and I am sitting there with the cake, etc in front of me. Thinking quickly I yell "Surprise". Oh well. K & M came over and spent the next hour a half getting the IPOD to work so we had a good time.

Other neat thing was watching my daughter's interaction with her husband as they struggle with the computer, download software, screw around with too little directions to get the IPOD up and running. To all those married folks out there who have tried to put something together- cribs, toys, christmas gifts- you know how ugly it can get. "Read the freaking directions" "I don't need to, I'm not an idiot" "Yes you are" and so on. The two of them do that but in a loving and bantering way. Really nice. They seem to know each other very well.

SCENES FROM THE PUBLIC SECTOR

Thursday the local paper put, right on the front page, a link to the website that lists every state worker in Michigan showing name-dept-location-hire date and salary. Everyone was fit to be tied. Very ugly around here.

Now I know in the public sector this info is available and foia'able, but it really upset people. People were cancelling their subscriptions at a rate of 75 per hour, the entire website shut down because of everyone accessing it, and the internet comments from the public have been quite nasty.

My big issue with it is how was this newsworthy? It just fueled the fire for everyone. Now people know who you are, what you make and how to find you. Can you imagine how police, undercover detectives and prison folks security is now being threatened? How about your friendly neighborhood stalker or contentious divorces?

I didn't find it a big deal, like most managers, but people are really feeling betrayed around here. Plus they are turning on each other - especially their managers- thinking the same way the public does -we're overpaid! LOL.

One member of the public wrote a comment like "well where else can an uneducated bum get such a great job?" Well I don't know who he talks to, but about everyone I know around here has a degree or several and could probably make more in the private sector, but they want to make a difference in the world. Guess people assume police and fire, children, workers' comp and unemployment, job safety and health will just occur out of the goodness of everyone's heart ---- NOT.

I myself took a large cut in pay to come here. I have no pension (they did away with that years ago), I could probably make more money as a consultant, we have had raises taken away the last several years, we are understaffed but coping, took a week's time off without pay and worked 80 hours for 76 hours pay. We are all willing to do this. I hear the next step being proposed is to forego our raises expected in October, again, and pay 25% of our health care. Folks may grumble but are willing to make these sacrifices. Not get slapped in the face on top of it.

Although I am not too uptight about this, I hear what my employees and others are saying, so obviously people are hurting over this. And to add insult to injury, the salaries listed are in many cases several thousand more than the person makes! How do you correct that little mistake?

The bottom line is - yes people have a right to know. However, when potshots are taken at politicians and CEO's it is a different thing than attacking the powerless. The "connected" are insulated from the slings and arrows of everyday life. Yes, these are good jobs and yes there are slugs in every workplace. But the majority are good people trying to make it. The workers being attached are your neighbors, shop in your grocery store, have kids in school with your kids. And they have to now deal with what you think about them. Publishing the names was uncalled for and cruel.

BIRTHDAY SCENES - JUNE 10, 2007

Today is a milestone birthday for my little sister and none of us are with her today as stupid summer storms kept her marooned in Pennsylvania. I called her this am to sing "Happy Birthday" which she will have to suffer through but I never was the singer in the family. I try to confine myself to showers and church (where the critics are polite or non-existent).

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y M A R C I A Beautiful sister of the soft skin, ebony curly hair and red red lips.

I so wish you were going to Las Vegas with us as you make everything so much more fun and you and Burt love to torment me unmercifully. You always make him laugh and your droll observations on humankind are major pearls. Which happens to be your birthstone BTW. Know that we are thinking of you including your snotty little niece Kristen.

SHE B

SHOPPING SCENES

Did I know that men and women think differently? Well duhh uhhh. Do I believe that they take shopping differently? Again, well yeah. He wonders why were you gone 3 hours and only have one small bag? That you go to 15 stores before you finally settle on the one perfect thing that, if he was along, he thinks looks exactly like all the other ones? Why he says why can't you wear that other dress-referencing the ballgown you bought for a formal occasion to now wear to a luau?

Why he goes to one store, buys the first thing that bears a tiny resemblance to what he wanted and buys it-no doubt complimenting himself on his efficiency even though he may have sacrificed price for time. Actually not a bad thought, if you value your time-so I may give points for that philosophy. But then you fuss or tailor or pull things together for him after the fact or (and I have done this) take it back to the store for him because he hates to go shopping for one thing and hates to try anything on for another.

However, that rule does not apply for home improvement or hardware stores. I confess that I can look at one piece of plywood in the appropriate size and I'm good. He can examine the different pieces for hours noting the subtle way the compressed wood pieces fit together or the thickness and lushness of the material. Or shingles-did you know how many colors there are? Do you care? Well I digress.

At any rate we went shopping for him actually as he needed a new pair of pants - note ONE pair of pants as his light colored ones were looking ragged, make that major tacky. So we pull pants of many makers and colors and I force him kicking and screaming (well slight exaggeration) into the dressing room which was full unfortunately. "Oh, excuse me, oh excuse me, oh excuse me". No we are not leaving, we wait and keep looking at stuff. That is what we do. Anyway he tries on pants, I go for more pants-we end up buying 3 pairs of pants, because they fit-you need them- and they are on sale. Get it? On the way out I see some nice casual shirts and grab a medium which looks rather large. He takes a large one as he always takes large even though I said the medium looked big so try them both on.

Back to the dressing room and I mention, you know the woman always tries the smaller one on as she likes to think it will fit. He whips around and says yeah, but you know men always like to think they're "bigger". Didn't I say men and women think differently? Game-Set & Match to the boy! LOL

LANSING JOURNAL OPINION- MAY 6, 2007

http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070506/OPINION02/705060679/1087/opinion

SHINGLE SHOWERS

Burt has projects...They always seem to take longer than one would think but they turn out fine. There are certain hazards in opposites getting married. He is methodical, thoughtful, careful. I am impatient, mercurial and passionate. His way leads to successful conclusions and no one gets hurt. My way is rather like a fireworks show and usually bruising. Both ways work, I must say however.

Anyway he has been puzzling over how to shingle our 2 story barn-like shed which poses challenges in shape and access. He did manufacture a scaffold (saving $250 a day) I might add. Of course in my secret world I am having visions of his lifeless body lying beneath a blanket of splintered 2" x 8's when I come home from work (kind of a pine box scenario). I did examine said home-made structure and was relieved to find he did set the structure up on mud sills for stability. I guess I will fore go the lecture on "scaffold grade" lumber and hope for the best.

At any rate, the barn now sports about a 40% veil of white shingles shimmering against the old nasty black ones. But then he said he doesn't think he has enough shingles! This from the man who perpetually over measures and has leftovers on everything. We could probably build another house based on his fear of not having enough material. I think I am just going to keep quiet about the latest debacle as well.....so unlike me though.

SCENES OF MOTHERS

Two scenarios come to mind this week.

1) As I sat in church and watched two children being baptized I saw their small arms curved around their mother's arm in total trust and confidence. The tender innocence that Mother would be there-she would love them no matter what-she would catch them if they fell-she would sacrifice all for her child. All this seen in the small pink curve of a tiny arm caressing its mother and knowing she would always love them, a given.

2) Mothers and Fathers, tears running down their faces as they tried to assimilate the horror dropped on their children as they attended class -Virginia Tech. By a crazy man who didn't like the "privileged". Their promise of protection shattered in the crack of a Magnum 44 because they just happened to be where they were when the madness exploded. Their dreams of the small arm curved around them gone forever.

As a Mother and a human being, I reflect the pain and unfathomable grief these parents must feel that they could not protect their precious children.

My response this week to the Lansing State Journal on the question of how I feel about the Virginia massacre (there is no other word for what happened) is:

"Virginia Tech-our hearts are heavy. Why do the depressed and disenfranchised feel they have to take someone with them when they go? Legitimate grievances or easy access to guns? Have you made your point? Your fifteen minutes of fame? Or have you made martyrs out of the people you stole. They will be remembered, regardless of their potential contributions to society. You, however, will be remembered as that crazy man who thought he was god."

BUNNY SCENES

This thought keeps rolling around in my head. The upcoming Easter week and secular "bunnies" hopping around town lately remind me of a remark my Mother made the other day. We were immersed with the activities related to my Uncle's recent passing and celebrating my sister Kathleen's birthday. (Ed. note-These just happened at the same time, nothing to do with each other) Well, except,

aren't the events of life related? Birth, marriage, ceremonies, celebrations, funerals.... anyway we use these occasions to look back and reminisce and in this case, we were looking at old pictures.

A couple of interesting facts emerged. One, my daughter and her cousins did not believe my father was ever young and handsome instead of just being "Panga" of the crazy clothes and hilarious pronouncements. Two, my Mother remarked that my youngest sister Lori wanted to be like her big sister Marcia of the long lustrous hair desperately captured in a cascading pony tail. M's hair was thick and black and curlier than any beautician could ever hope to achieve. The younger sibling was hardly more than a baby with a smaller, shorter amount of hair. To satisfy the younger daughter, Mother would put her hair into what she called a "Bunny Puff". Just enough to pull it through the pony tail and happily emulate her big sister. I don't know why that struck me at the moment, I just couldn't get the picture of the little puff out of my mind.

Again I apologize to my daughter. I was never very good at those girl things. Oh well.

SCENIC OPINIONS

Although we of the State Journal Opinion panel have answered 3 weeks of questions, this week is the first one of mine that appeared in the hard copy of the paper rather than online. Even allowed pictures to be taken. Our opinions will show up under lsj.com.online under opinions. Interesting group of people from many backgrounds and interests including a freelance writer, retired folks, a newly minted MSU grad an attorney and the rest of the diverse cast of characters including yours truly.

"As long as I don't say anything too detrimental about our work" was the only caution that I was given. You know me, no controversy here.

IT'S SPRING - SCENES

Has it really been that long since I posted? Guess so. Couple of weeks ago become a member of our local paper's opinion panel and offered two opinions so far. However, with my basic ineptness with 'puter technology I am not sure they made it to their intended target. Oh well, have a year to figure this out.

We are working on picture to go with my name and opinions for the paper and Mr. Perfection is messing with the camera and the flash (its daylight and outside???) but as they say "we're losing the light man"!...... Sorry slight interruption as we went out to shoot some more glamour shots LOL.

Just got back from Florida Wed night and booked a trip to Las Vegas last night. Without a wedding and school bills, we seem to have some discretionary income ahem. Don't tell the feds. Florida was ok even though it never got to 80. Burned to a red headed, white skinned crispy critter after a very short time on the beach, but it was so worth it. Burt has an aversion for wading (think sharks, manta rays,etc).

Stopped at the Villages (if you watch golf tournaments, you know what that is -la de da) the last couple of days to see the Claus'. Burt bought a golf hat and marker at the Nancy Lopez fancy pants executive course (no tank tops or collarless shirts) which prompted us to point out when he shoots crappy, it will be a perfect time to sport his "Nancy" hat. Guys can be so cruel to each other. That was added to the 2 woods (knock off left handed) that he wanted that allows you to change the pitch based on whether you are hooking or slicing. I asked. Apparently they cannot correct a totally lame game such as mine. Oh well. I was willing to go left handed if it would help.

SCENES FROM PIG PLACES

Aha it is now officially the year of the pig! This denotes endings but also new and exciting beginnings. I bring you a pig story.

We were enjoying a conference call with all the staff. Our first time trying this mode of meeting with 30+ staff members. Worked fairly well, an occasional cough, dog bark and a child softly saying "Mom". Comments were fairly light as people were a little leery of the technology and breaking into another person's comment. However there were some of the usual jokes and silly lines.

It was mentioned that once we went to video conferencing, people could not come to the meeting dressed, so to speak, quite so casually (Harley slippers, pink pjs). Or as one of the men said, "Me, I'm sitting here naked eating Cheetos!" EEEEHOOOHHHWWWW

PASS ME BY SCENES

I was reading something recently about lucky vs. unlucky people. The main difference may just be that the "lucky" ones are always open to new adventures, ready to take chances and are living life "aware". Conversely so-called "unlucky" people may be more stuck in routines and afraid to venture out of their well known and closely defined "boxes". Safe but then one hears the complaint that "nothing ever happens". When opportunities arise, the turned-on, open person is better positioned to take advantage of the moment.

Oh sure, I have kissed my share of frogs and stumbled sometimes, but I have had some amazing moments as well. It is difficult to always live in the moment and be aware of right now every second of the day. Our minds are so filled with the glitter and smoke of thousands of thoughts, I think that can be mistaken for truly living. It is just background noise. Look up, look down, look around and only feel, see, taste and smell what is right now. I dare you!

FLUSHING SCENES

The TODAY show showed a clever piece on the amount of water used at half-time of the super bowl based upon the mad, out of my way, dash to the powder room so as not to miss game or commercials. To that I say PSHAW.

Many years ago when I calculated the water use of the City I was able to predict the popularity and longevity of a television show based upon when the spikes occurred on the water venturi charts. Ahh they scoffed then. They should have hooked up a Neilson to my ten-key.

SHOW SCENES

Been a crazy couple of weeks between doing evaluations for staff and coordinating our appearances and speakers at several conferences. Spent a couple days (or parts of days) at construction shows this week. Delegated like crazy to the construction dudes and dudettes and they came through basically. One problem with being an anal control freak is that it is hard to let go and allow 80-90% be good enough. But the way my schedule is right now-have to go with it. Actually it was fine.

Talked our college partners into setting up a booth and promoting our MIOSHA Training Institute program. The gentleman staffing the booth when I got there is an adjunct teacher and firefighter. Nice guy-but major talker. He had pigeon holed my folks before I got there and they were stuck and frantic.

Sad isn't it, that some people just don't even see the gyrations others go through to escape their convoluted chatter. I learned a long time ago to tell a joke or story quickly before the eyes glaze over. Not saying I don't dominate the conversation if given the chance (I am so fascinated by the sound of my voice), but you have to be able to judge your audience when you are in the consulting/teaching/sales world.

At any rate, I checked in with my folks and materials I brought and then noticed the other booth. I went over to greet the staffer and my guys were poking each other and rolling their eyes knowing what was coming next. They also know my limited patience. Freaked them out when I actually pulled out a chair (eventually) and sat down to chat. Then someone came up from the conference and I immediately started a conversation with them and kept walking. My Bad. However, and I don't know why some people don't get this, if you are paying them, you get to call the shots-simple! What are they going to do give you your money back? LOL

SCENE FROM THE VIEW

What do pink roses, many scented candles, classical music and elegant food conjure up in your mind? Yes, of course a "True Romance" party. Or in the more common vernacular, a toy party. My daughter held one at our house this week and the setting was almost too elegant for the "toys" demonstrated. Although I have always believed that the mind and imagination are the best erogonous zones, there is something to be said for ambience and "teaching aids"- LOL.

Although I was not sure that I would fit in with these 20 something girls, I must admit they were quite uninhibited and open in their discussions of the art of love and as they told me from the onset "what gets said in a True Romance party stays in the True Romance party". It's nice to know that love is alive and well and these young married ladies.

I especially enjoyed the cute acronyms that were used to describe the names of certain, shall we say, appliances. No doubt that brings an element of the personal into the errr, errr, use of said appliance-not quite a stranger don't you know. Although the demonstrator did say that one woman just refers to her menagerie of toys as BTY's or (better than you). Amazing what technology goes into these items. I was totally fascinated with the engineering that was demonstrated. However if you ask me, obviously some were designed by men and others were designed by women. Sorry people, there is a difference.

TERMINAL SCENES

Loss creates life or at least new beginnings. I have been reminded of this more than once this week oddly enough. Although I know all things come to an end and new creation must occur on the death of what came before I cannot help but lobby for continuance and the absence of change.

Loss occurs every day in moments both mundane and profound. Hair cells, skin cells, plaque, bugs, darkness, light, projects and people. It has been said "the only constant is change". Many times the change is subtle sometimes dynamic with a crash. Sometimes with a quiet breath that no one notices. The only difference is the air has an aroma of forgotton perfume, the smell of ozone, the odor of failure. All we know instinctively is something is diminished. What is remarkable is that the building up is already occuring whether we recognize it or not. Whether we accept it or not.

These things, these beginnings will continue whether we are ready to accept them or not. All we can hope for is that we can eventually breathe that new air, relish that new perfume or love again.

HOW TO FOCUS

I read two things recently that seem to have a lot in common and provided me some intriguing insights. The first dealt with yoga and meditation as a means of de-stressing. Of course, although it takes many years of practice to become proficient, something in the article triggered. It mentioned the art of "being in the moment". Being in the "now" not five minutes before or ten minutes later, but enjoying the feeling of right this second and focusing on what is happening right now.

Easier said than done but something worth pursuing. Have you ever driven the same route every day and realized you remember nothing you noticed on the trip but were all about the destination. That is the point, and apparently acts as a major calming influence.

Being on the Atkins treadmill recently I monitor what I eat closely. However I still need those minor indulgences to avoid homicide. I took time to focus on eating a Hershey's Dark Chocolate Truffle. Admired the shiny golden orange wrapper; unwrapped and examined the deep rich brown and incredible aroma of cocoa; popped the candy in my mouth and totally let the rich flavors fill my mouth (important to close your eyes to focus at this point). HMMMMMMM

Second event. I just finished reading several posts at the Sandbox which is a webmail address sponsored by doonesbury.com for American service men and women to post their unedited and uncensored thoughts. These are people speaking directly from the war zones. Some were tragic, some humorous, some sad. Some were well written and some were just written from the heart. However they all had one thing in common-they were powerful observations from people doing an unimaginable job.

The ease of electronics has allowed these war-driven missives to impact thousands of people instantly and I encourage people to check it out. Anyway, what do these two topics have in common. If you really want to understand the concept of living in the moment go to war! There is no question that these people's very survival depends upon their focusing on the here and now for their very lives and they already know their thoughts of yesterday as well as their dreams of tomorrow will reveal themselves at the appropriate time.....

PRESIDENTIAL SCENE

As I sit here watching Gerald Ford's funeral I am struck by how many times I hear the phrase "midwestern" way of doing things. As if family cohesion, modesty, straight talking and logical reactions to situations is only a legacy of the midwest. As a born and bred Michigander and former resident of Grand Rapids for several years, I am both flattered and puzzled. Regardless of the make-up of your family, your background and who your ancestors are, most Americans exhibit these same attributes.

However we tend to provide fame, notoriety and attention to segments of our population who least deserve it. Most of us deal with the devastating arrows of life through quiet strength and responsibility, taking care of the issues, protecting our families and moving on. We are told we receive the government we deserve, yet it appears we elect people based upon a popularity contest or whose nasty ad we heard last. I do believe that our choice of leaders are carefully orchestrated and we never hear about the honest, straight talker unless we search form them-men and women. I would rather have someone vote with their brains wide open, looking at the facts and even change their mind if they need to, over someone who blindly follows partisanship out of fear of others.

Although I admire a free press, we need to go beyond the sound bites and do our own research. Unfortunately so much of what passes as "news" appears to be the flavor of the hour or as a PR person put it "if it bleeds it leads". I believe we receive the news that we deserve and it is time to start asking for the truth and the difficult rather than the entertainment.

So this isn't all heavy I will pass on a joke my sister came up with New Year's Eve. Nasty, politically incorrect but funny. "With the passing of Gerald Ford, James Brown and Sadaam in the past week they are greeted at the pearly gates with the exclamation Oh Look, it's the Good the Bad and the Ugly."