THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: CRACKS ARE SHOWING Chapter 6

Venturing out for the mandatory bi-weekly shopping expedition one notices that the folks are not as cheery as they were a few weeks ago when we all embarked on our madcap adventure against the invisible enemy. The comradery and we're in this together spirit is slowing dying as the long, boring quarantine days continue. Oh yes, the walkers are more determined and numerous, but they don't wave quite as enthusiastically as they used to and you feel them judging your car use with a look of derision and judgment.

Cashiers are not quite as cheery as the long hours, face masks and constant sanitizing are wearing them into mere nubs of their former selves. No more jokes about am I buying stuff or robbing you as I peer over my cowboy scarf. But at least they are not facing the horrible dilemma of meat processing employees who are being forced back to work by the coronavirus in chief. No doubt they must show proper enthusiasm and absolute fealty to the gods of pork, beef and chicken - the owners of the plants. Probably perform a ritual of gratitude that they have a job and then head into work, without proper protection, to work "cheek and jowl" with their fellow possible asymptomatic co-workers.  People in these plants are sick and dying but as long as the Tyson CEO gets his money who is there to care? No worries. If you call in sick you can be fired as employers are being assured they will not be held liable over people getting ill from their work. There's 40 years of my career absolutely rendered useless and unnecessary. Oh yes, did I mention these people could DIE if they go to work under the present conditions.

I had my own dose of the current ill humor (mine) with a gent who asked if they were requiring masks in the store.  "Yes" (it's the law bozo). Pulls out his fancy medical grade respirator and tells me mine is inadequate by law. Now we care about what is right. Do I say, sweetly, "I wear this to protect you and it is not intended to be medical grade, fit-tested ppe (you aforementioned Bozo) bless your judgmental little heart".  Nope I tell him everyone has an opinion and by the way, go to Hell. Both of us were probably much refreshed by the encounter. I know I was.

Ordered several fancy all-in-one neck/face/hairband/hat coverings in various patterns recently. We plan on wearing them for fishing, fashion and fumigation purposes. Also ordered some fishing line. Nothing special, just some 20 pound test line to use up a coupon. In these days of pandemic one would think the fancy mask pretenders would be a priority order.  Imagine the excitement when the box arrived within days with EXPEDITED written all over it! With trembling anticipatory fingers the box was opened to find...you guessed it, fishing line. Just think. Someone, somewhere determined that fishing line was so special it needed to be delivered quickly by overworked, underpaid FEDEX folks. The fact that it is available like, I don't know, everywhere was apparently lost on this unknown crazy person. C'est la vie.

THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: DINING OUT Chapter 5 (added note)

Every day a new adventure of living in quarantine. As if we all heard a starter's pistol and before the Governor actually finished speaking, golf course owners claimed eager duffers were lined up outside, landscapers were rattling down the street loaded with equipment and gaily spreading weed and feed and we were making plans to hit the Lakehouse.  One of those "don't let the screen door hit you on the way out" kind of moments.  We felt like a bunch of kids unexpectedly released from a justifiable "time-out".

Having to hit the bank before our "release for good behavior" because, really what do you need money for if you can't go anywhere, we decided to go to breakfast first. Ok, I'm not an expert on all this "touchless" food prep and delivery. I'm assuming some robotic kitchen chef chopping at super human speed and delivering a healthy dose of metal crumbs as it inhumanly chops its "fingers" of course feeling no pain. All the while screeching at any other kitchen staff in true Gordon Ramsay     manner. Then through some magic one picks up one's order through technology and a cell phone. Yep, beyond me.  Screw it, lets go after Egg Mc Muffins which as far as I know are still being delivered by human hands hopefully washed and appropriately sanitized.

Ah yes, sanitizer.  Goes with us everywhere and I have never washed my hands so much in my life-my knuckles are bleeding. Makes you wonder how you survived all those years of dirt, grime, bugs, fecal material on ALL of us.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger as they say. However, game changer-thanks to our buddy covid19 IT WILL!! I know I will be examining waiters' nails in the foreseeable future before ordering, maybe the rest of my life.

Second issue. Where does one eat? Well as the weather has modified, we picked up our order (sanitizing before and after handling filthy money) and parked in the drive-thru of the bank which now constituted our mobile picnic setting. Though the scenery wasn't great, neither is McD's food so win-win.    

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Eating out took on another dimension this afternoon. Heading back home from the lake house we thought to snort boldly in the face of healthy eating and hit another fast food mobile restaurant. Waited in line for 5 minutes at first "quick" stop, left. Another huge line at second choice; 3rd choice another massive wait; 4th choice (are you getting the drift?) had only 2 cars ahead. All this at 2:00 in the afternoon?  Does everyone get up at 11 these days thus throwing the whole noon lunch thingee off-kilter? That has always been the luxury of the retired - early bird specials, brunch, etc. Oh wait, I guess we're all technically "retired" at this point.

Ok, finally made it to the squawk box heralding some cartoon character that represents a horrible choice in food. "Before you start," says the disembodied voice that we are to assume comes from the character holding court, "there are no whoppers, or chicken nuggets".  Chicken sandwich? "No chicken, and no soft drinks." Which makes you wonder what the rest of the burgers are made of if they are out of "whopper" materials.  That was it. This was not to be as we carefully edged our way out of line and continued our travels.  How can a fast food place not have the basics of their menu at, now 2:30 in the afternoon? Age of pandemic.

THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: CHURCHING ONLINE Chapter 4

Sunday. Did I make it to church and feel I accomplished something or guilty for missing? In the age of quarantine, attending live and in person is no longer an option.

We are an odd couple being Lutheran and Catholic; similar doctrines but not the same; devout and not so much; involved and not so involved. Over 37 years I probably served on every committee or ministry that was part of the Catholic experience, especially when my daughter was young. However one by one it became clear that the church "cliques" were not terribly friendly or appreciative of those who volunteered. Much like the Pres, you must constantly stroke and compliment which seems like a little too much work when all of us are busy. Gratefulness and welcoming would go a lot further. Saying that, however, I am not so naïve as I do not understand that these "cliques" keep all the auxiliary activities going and churches would be bereft without their unflagging efforts. Bless theirs hearts as Celia would say.

At any rate, I go and absorb what I can leading up to communion but none of the "touchy-feely" stuff, which in the age of pandemic apparently I was ahead of my time. Though if Deacon J is there we will sit together and I razz him if he doesn't know all the words to the prayer. Good man, Deacon J supporting his lady wife through a health crisis and a retired member of the State Police but never anything less than cordial and loving to all. That is the spirit of religion to me, not the rituals that somehow become mere routine and less meaningful over time. Obviously and humbly however, I have certainly not achieved the level of spirit of which I speak, so I remain a work in progress.

 I remember as a teen-ager being part of the church revolution. Shocking the priest with my mini-dress at the graduation ceremony, guitar Masses and uplifting songs, altars and celebrants facing the congregation speaking English, Nuns in shorter habits or regular clothes protesting for social justice. That was engagement. Now some of my generation want to go back to Latin and stodginess. Where are my rebels from the 60's? Some of us got old.

The OH on the other hand, is sincerely devout and we often argue (among other things) about my fondness of the New Testament over his love of the Old. That said, he clearly misses the ritual of service and not being able to be in church, especially during Easter, which was weighing heavily. So after all these years we now "attend" church every Sunday morning together, on the couch, usually in my pjs watching the on-air local Catholic Outreach Mass. Though I will admit it is extremely easy to "rest one's eyes" on a comfy couch compared to a hard wooden pew, though I have accomplished that, and the singing is left to the solitary soprano leader on the tube. I do find it rather insulting that they introduce all the clerics performing Mass but never mention the song leader and organist by name.  Both women oddly enough, hmmm.

THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: SHOPPING Chapter 3

Who knew such adventure awaits the bold, the daring, the courageous...the hungry.  As we approach another milestone in quarantine world (just extended 2 weeks), many are anticipating, and dreading, their next public foraging for sustenance, i.e., a trip to the neighborhood grocery store.  No longer a carefree jaunt to fondle, ruminate and eventually purchase not only the items on their list, but other happy and unnecessary goods and materials. And if we forget an item or two because we stopped several times to converse with friends and neighbors, we can just go back tomorrow. Not.

In our new world we now need to garb ourselves in the latest accoutrements of plague defense. Like knights prepping for battle, we don mask and gloves placing our trusty sanitizer in our holsters, err, pockets. Friend or foe peeking over the top of a homemade mask? Who is speaking? Is this a hold-up or just a friendly trip for supplies. No longer lingering to trade family stories or complain about prices.  Get in, get out and take whatever you can find whether you need it or not. Why do we go to such measures to get some cereal and beer? So we don't DIE!

My original take on the whole situation was just get what you need when you need it; people are reasonable and hoarding is not necessary- WRONG! Way after it was trending I casually looked for hand sanitizer which apparently does not exist outside of the constant PSA's (public service announcements) expecting me to use it frequently. But with a little bit of isopropyl and aloe I am in business.  Two little bottles that now travel with me everywhere which means they sit on the counter most of the time. Because we CAN'T GO ANYWHERE.

A couple of observations. If you happen to own an ancient NF95 from a previous life as a safety consultant you are glared at with great animosity as those are reserved for front liners. True, but I wouldn't inflict my old paint mask on anyone. At any rate as I am not a Nana who sews we have had to resort to homemade experiments for face coverings for OH and me. The project kept the boy busy for a least a couple of hours which is very important when you can't go anywhere or do anything. My favorite face covering masquerades as a neck scarf in its previous life so I can whip it up or down depending on what establishment I am intending to rob/shop at that day.

I find as the quarantine goes on, first hair, then make-up and finally bras have gone by the wayside or perhaps in a different order. Anyway one of the changes after the pandemic ends that everybody keeps talking about is never having to wear underwear again but trust me, we'll know.

THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: RANDOM MUSINGS Chapter 2

Let us take a moment to enjoy that the sun rose today, the birds are wing-deep into Spring songs and romance, early flowers, bushes and grass are putting color to the winter landscape and I have a strong temptation to buff my wine glass and wash my insides with a gentle slosh of Lysol - Salud!

 Because wouldn't it be wonderful if the medical world would only use sunshine and disinfectant to destroy the nasty virus. It was staring me right in the face - how logical or diabolical depending upon your credibility level. Only being sarcastic of course, the media took it out of context of course, after I said it of course.  Thank goodness that is cleared up.

Did you ever ponder what it would be like to eat an ice cream cone in a convertible...while it's moving? Be sure to choose a flavor that goes well with the taste of your crowning hirsute glory. That hit me as I debated when it would be "safe" to get my ragtop out of hibernation and I recalled the sensation of wind and ice cream in my hair and vice versa hair in my ice cream. Ahh Summer - hast thou forsaken me?

Contemplating the lack of toilet paper, which when your day is filled with a whole lot of nothing, contemplating odd things does occur. Although I have been fortunate 3 out of 4 times in obtaining the elusive crown jewel of shopping, I have seen a lot of empty shelves. Not only empty, but mockingly so with feeble little signs waving their invisible fingers admonishing "1 to a customer".  How amusingly quaint and inadequate. Why TP?  My theory has to do with control.  Most parents have witnessed one of the first items of control practiced by toddlers who frustratingly refuse to let loose a proper defacation and their absolute horror of seeing it swirl down a dark hole.  We want to be, to borrow a phrase "Master of our Domain" and cornering the neighborhood stash of TP seems to offer the comfort and control over uncontrollable circumstances we seek. Nothing sophisticated, just an overwhelming need to "at least I have enough toilet paper" to last through Armageddon. The logic of not being around to appreciate the security after Armageddon is beside the point. Win-win.

The hunt for TP has spilled over into other products apparently (paper towel, tissues, cleansers, sanitizers, baby wipes, butter, flour). But some issues are perplexing. In some areas, farmers are dumping milk while the consumption is up overall by a large percentage. PPE and test kits are in short supply yet there are quantities available in some areas and adequate production capacity to impact the shortages. If only there was a way to mitigate these seemingly disparate ideas.  Logistics and leadership come to mind.  But I digress (which its really hard not to). What is it with the Baby Wipes already? What did we old people do do to clean up do do? Apparently we were do doing it wrong. Got to love advertising to solve problems one did not know one had and clog up sewer systems and landfills in the process.

And what is it with trying to find my favorite breakfast cereal? I love the Meijer brand granola raison bran. It is so much better than the name brand raison bran and it does not get soggy in milk-an extremely important attribute. Plus it's cheaper than the name brand.  Oh yeah I see.

THE AGE OF PANDEMIC: BAKING Chapter 1

As I am sure many of us are, a large part of quarantine is checking what's available in the 'fridge or pantry shelves. The freshman 15 has taken on a whole new meaning over the past six weeks. Sheer boredom, limited access to fresh groceries (if you value your life), inability to interact with others and no incentive to, or even care, about your appearance, has created an invisibility cloak upon us all.

Mirrors have moved off center stage as we attempt to preserve some energy to put real people clothes on these days. "Dress for whom?" Pleasing ourselves is the plan of the day and that generally leads to what I like to call "comfort clothes"; i.e., expandable waistbands without belts or tuck-in required, sloppy t-shirts and comfy slippers or socks. A daily change of underwear is desired yet not necessary and occasional showers and deodorant are appreciated by those with whom you have quarantined - voluntarily or not.

Though I did make the effort for the ZOOM meeting I facilitated. Hair still reasonably coiffed and colored and nice shirt. Though waist down was the aforementioned comfort variety. It has been awhile since a haircut so I have, through necessity liberated my forehead. I need to concentrate not to wrinkle my brow/face/forehead until I get my bangs cut again.

Amazing to think that not that long ago, carrying on commerce and business to such a degree would have been a sci-fi fantasy before recent technological advancements. As a member of the boomer group I still have the luxury of ruminating if this is a good or bad thing. Unfortunately our younger counterparts have no basis of comparison.  They embrace all and sundry, good or bad, privacy be damned so to speak.

Ok. This is about food. Almost forgot. Anyone who knows me realizes cooking is not my passion or desire, mostly through sheer disinterest in the domestic arts. In desperation and for survival purposes my husband took on the task many years ago primarily so he and our daughter had regular dinners. My preference is over the sink and no dishes. He would actually make meals and store them for me when he was out-of-town. His fear was  I would remain under nourished, not understanding that restaurants exist for just such occasions. He is quite skilled and adventurous as his multitude of cook books would attest. Though one of our notable arguments in the first year or two of marriage was whether one has to actually measure ingredients precisely or wing it on taste and fancy. In case you are wondering I came down on the side of science. I do believe a ceramic napkin holder lost its life over that debate. But I digress. I do bake!

Consequently out of a certain amount of boredom, I have been trying new recipes that I thought "looked interesting". 3 out of 4 failures thus far. I had to make my incredible crazy cake in the midst of my experiments to save face and reassure myself that I was not a total failure. I am of the attitude that when I'm having a party or I'm invited to bring a dish to pass it is the perfect moment to try a new recipe. The other half  (OH) thinks that is flirting with disaster but I reason that if there are more people to sample and "love or reject" there is less for him to have to eat if it sucks.

First try- peanut butter cookies with only 3 ingredients including an egg. Abject failure. Those hit the garbage bin immediately after a small sample. Next was lime bars from ingredients that were, well shall we say, a tad over aged.  The crust had an odd moth-ball type flavor but I thought that was just me. The other half (OH) cheerfully sliced a few (well carved them out with a chisel) and poured the milk. There was no attempt at all to put a brave face on it. I believe an immediate trip to the sink for a rapid removal and rinsing occurred. Ok, that was not good. At this point I inserted the aforementioned chocolate Crazy Cake into the mix to make amends.  Gratefully accepted and devoured over the course of the week.

Latest attempt sounded extremely intriguing.  Chocolate/Peanut Butter cookies. Combining two of the world's greatest flavors! Needless to say they came out neither chocolately or peanut buttery but they looked beautiful. Using only brown sugar and quite a bit of unsweetened cocoa (following the recipe) gave them a strangely flat taste very reminiscent of, well unsweetened chocolate.  However, those are being eaten, albeit slowly, but ok substitute for store-bought goodies. Sigh

I am eager to try making cheese cake again or bread but unlike every other cook apparently, I do not as a rule have cream cheese or yeast in my larder as a regular thing. I did make a lime cheese cake once for a "bring a dessert event" of course. Followed the recipe and directions and it cracked-now I understand the bowl of water under the pan thingee, plus it was somewhat mushy.  However it tasted outstanding! Which was the explanation I got for making baked potatoes by slicing it almost all the way across the entire surface to look like a little spud fan.  Apparently how something looks is the first part of appealing to the appetite, regardless of taste. I am more of the taste vs looks team.

BEEN AWHILE....

It's been awhile since I have entered into "blog" territory. Primarily because I could not remember how to sign into the blog. I am still not sure I can make the transition again however as I have learned from the younger more technically astute, one keeps trying and making mistakes until it appears to work. Failure is not an option as mistakes are considered learning opportunities.  Oh gosh, next I'll be giving out participation trophies for just being alive.

Why is it so difficult to allow someone to fail? Of course if you keep pounding your head against the virtual wall and don't learn it hurts when you do that there may be no hope for you anyway. However to make a short story short, I am will attempt to update on a daily basis a new series I will call:
"The Age of Pandemic" (with an accompanying theme). I know, not particularly unique today, but my own way of cataloging similar themes.  I tend to get on a track or rant on a topic and add chapters as necessary.

 Perhaps it is illuminating stages of life which all of us are actually doing at this point in our "voluntary incarceration" (one may argue the voluntary vs involuntary but if it helps keep people alive, I am on board).  I am in agreement and overall it is not as tedious for me as for many. I am retired which takes away the angst of missing my job and accompanying paycheck, and let's be honest, a major definition of one's life.  I have been retired for five years and still am not sure who or what I am or what I should be doing to provide "value added" so to speak. I need PROJECTS apparently and CRISIS to resolve. Hobbies were never my long suit. Truth be told, I could probably sit all day and read, but that seems so selfish - where is this guilt coming from?

At any rate, hopefully I can inject some humor; wry, spry or wise guy in the next few chapters. Enjoy.