ONE LEGGED HOPPER (May 29)

 

MIRACLES The amazing human body. Each part working in perfect symmetry with every other. Systems upon systems relying upon the perfection of its partners in maintaining a human being, perfect in execution. For more than 70 years, give or take, respiratory drawing in the oxygen, heart pumping millions of times triggering the miracle that we call life. Until one piece of the machinery takes a proverbial crap.

 THEN THERE'S ME In a non-dramatic fashion walking across the floor I literally heard and felt an awesome crack. Grabbing a wall I assumed the feeling would pass (whew). Not. After tentatively noticing improvements from my steroid shot after several weeks, my knee, the original herald of my degenertive joint disease, took an impressive leap backward. I discovered one can go back in time and relive lessons learned in our youth. In this case crawling up stairs.  As long there is a 3-point connection it is possible. 

Enter the slug. Basically all one can do is put your feet up and read a lot of books both drinking and wearing ice water to keep the swelling down. A trip to Urgent Care two days later seeking relief and  after waiting an hour to learn "you have a lot of arthritis in that knee". Oh glory be I now know what I have always known.  End of appointment and back to slug world. Followed by "you should see someone about that".

MIRACLE OR MIND CONTROL? Expanding my theme of lauding the human machine I also marvel at the extent of our imagination, research and technology when I see a story about a paralyzed man being able to walk from connecting his brain and his spine (his literal thoughts of walking). Of course the "nationalized, weaponinzed christians" have called this the US Government putting chips in our head (technically yes). Conversely, a paralyzed person who has not walked in decades praises God over the intelligence God gave us to develop his means of locomotion (thank you Little Eva). Compared to high school dropouts holding our country hostage. We as humans can accomplish so much and we also display the lowest of low selfish behaviors for a silly thing called power.

Humerous side note; Apparently Representative Tay-greenie, the person who loudly heckled the President during his State of the Union speech, was begging for "decorum" during house chaos (er, er debate) and was, no doubt, laughed out of her spanx.

HOP HOP Being knocked out of action due to my current one-legged status, serving the church community dinner became a challenge. Called in the younger contingency to handle logistics. Joe and his Dad social butterflied their way through the exercise and his Mother brought up a third leg of the stool as I observed and cheered couch-side. Joe bonded with his 80 something partner and the two of them took Rice Krispie breaks whenever the action broke. He has asked to be put on permanent status of service. There is a lot to love at this age.  Couple of years from now, if memory serves, not so much. We rewarded him with a trip to the lake house where he bagged an "almost" legal bass and a trip to "leach beach" as he calls it. I am still relegated to my chair complete with ice bag. I'm not the one to tell him it's frickin' freezing in the lake. I am sure he will look fine in shivering blue.  Back to the ice pack.  Peace out..💚  💙💙

                                              

             

                                                  

 

PONTOONS TO BALLOONS (May 22, 2023)

 

LAKE ADVENTURES Any one notice that driving has improved over the years? Yeah, me neither.  Had the pleasure of following our trailer full of pontoon to the lake last week. She sailed majestically over the back of the truck which made it's sideview mirrors and the truck itself somewhat superfluous. She appeared to glide effortlessly down the highways unemcumbered running on air.  Frustration ensued by those following our two (three) vehicle caravan which led to some frazzled nerves and impatience.  

Sticking to back country two-lane roads did not alleviate the need for speed of our fellow commuters. Tailgating was expected but the ill-advised dive to pass both of us meant I had to brake and create space so the dude passing could get between us and, by the way, save his fricking life. Suitably chastened he remained there for the duration although there were ample opportunities to complete his forward pass.  On the return trip with an empty, albeit a long trailer, I saw an even more spectacular near-death experience. An old Caddie (trigger "hot rod lincoln" song) took a chance on a winding two laner barely clearing oncoming traffic which would have involved our truck and trailer as well. The irony was he was then trapped behind 4 cars and a semi-truck all the way to Hastings. 😄 It's lake country people. Folks haul boats all over the place. Wait your turn. Heaven knows what these crazed motorists do when they get behind the inevitable (this time of year) farm vehicles that are twice as wide as they are tall and lumber along at a very reduced velocity. 

Ironic I know. I am notoriously impatient about waiting and have been known to walk out of entertainment venues, restaurants, funerals, cruises... if the line is too long. And I never go quietly. I think it goes back to that first concert at MSU where we stood in a blocks-long line (with tickets) and then told to run for seats when we got close tempting risk to life and limb. Take a reservation or assigned seats is my motto. Now with the sciatica issue it has become excruciating to stand for long periods. I pace, do jumping jacks, bitch a lot which is probably distracting to regular people. I've gone to self-serve at the grocery store (with protest) to avoid lines at check-out.  

PODDING ALONG Changing circuits (intentional pun) I recorded an interesting podcast on Lithium-ion Batteries to post this week. Although I am familiar with cathode and anode rays (opposites distract) and capaciters, he did lose me at times. He did "dumb" it down for me as far as a chemical and professional engineer can, but I know a lot of people in our industry will enjoy it.  He's got me spooked to fly on a plane though now. On the lighter side he works with a museum in Flint dedicated to old fire engine toys. Cool. This week hope to record a second interview on Construction health.

WHAT'S A FUN JOB? Another little project last week. I agreed to staff a booth at a Career Day event for ninth graders. There are so many things wrong with that sentence. As one teacher put it "they don't know what they want at this age, but what a great event" Huh? My booth's  intent was to expose the 'young'ins to careers in the EHS field as I know most young people have no clue this is actually a thing. We set up some interactive activities where I wielded the volt meter on a live cord (ooh ahh); Carl let people scream into our decibel meter and Sandy coordinated the students hammering a hapless hard hat to smitherens to demonstrate how it offers protection (kids wearing proper safety eyewear of course). I think that helmet took more than 200 blows before they finally got a crack in it, but our dummy friend Bob emerged unscathed!  Guess which activity they lined up for the most? A lot of anger management issues in that age group apparently.

Some observations: 1) the students were pretty polite mostly (I think the blase arrogance begins junior year); 2) the differences in14-15 year olds physically is stark as some looked like they'd been driving truck for years and others looked like they barely made it into puberty; 3) apparently there are a lot of jobs in the medical field as they bascially took up a whole quadrant at the show; 4) although this was not a safety show we cringed at some of the exhibits and "interactions" like harnessing them up and having them rope and saddle up to a horticulture man(person) lift. I walked around at times boldly displaying my MIOSHA marked fluorescent vest. However the only trepidation I struck was at the Skilled Trades trailer - because they know.  Of course no one seemed that bothered by the Police and FBI folks either.  All good and nobody died.    Peace Out....💚  💙💛

THE MOTHER OF ALL..... (May 15)

TOMATOES. Some progress.  The tiny tomato plants have been moved outdoors and among the many blossoms are two tiny little "maters" no bigger than a fingernail.  However a cardinal was sitting on the pot so not sure what that means. Do cardinals eat tomatoes; was he just helping out with fertilization: hiding among the greenery? Ever notice how twitchy cardinals are? Probably that bright red coat causes a lot of unwanted attention as birds have even keener eyesight for color than humankind. As we feed all sorts at our Bird Bistro that includes prey birds (preying on their smaller brethren). 

KARMA Things got interesting the last couple of weeks. Tucker is out, Dumpty lost in court and Georgie porgie santos got indicted on 13 federal charges. Of course Tuck will reemerge; Dumpty is appealing the verdict (though a tornado wiping out his rally in Iowa should be a sign) and GP Santos is denying all charges. But we will still call it a win for the karma crowd. So interesting that the former prez immediately calls the judge biased. I suppose if you have no character or integrity it is hard to fathom someone who does.  What is the old saying "if everyone is lying, is against you or cheating, the paranoia is yours". 

Also bizarre is the obscene amounts of grift, gifts, etc. (bribes) going on at the highest levels. Of course it always existed, we just weren't as informed and usually when found out, resignations would follow. When us 'little people" worked in government we were not allowed to accept anything we could not "consume" on the spot technically. If it was anything else we had to refuse or report. Funny how the so-called rule of law only applies to some people. When found out at the lower levels, folks were immediately disciplined or discharged. I know as I wielded the discipline in several cases. Workers' comp fraud (running a business while out on comp); unemployment fraud (working for us and collecting unemployment from us at the same time); work fraud making personal calls on our dime (to a porn site-what a mastermind); being assigned to attend classes to implement a new program and then skipping class (that was a special piece of detective work). Perhaps naive, but I was always shocked when I discovered the level of duplicity.

FIREPOWER On another front. I was filling out the application to renew my CPL (concealed pistol license) and I started thinking about the first time I fired something larger than a .22. Although ostensibly (I knew it was a fruitless task) monitoring the amount of lead exposure at the police firing range, I of course had to sample what the folks were shooting. Without any precautionary warning I was handed Mickey Mouses' (earmuffs) and a Glock.  Not understanding the kickback, I tried it one-handed promptly whacking myself in the face. General hilarity ensued.

 Couple of observations. My revolver is much harder to fire than our semi-auto and requires quite a lot of pressure on the trigger. Which makes me wonder how people can say "the gun just went off"- I'm guessing it was altered. How many folks actually just tuck their weapon in their rear waistband without a back holster or is that just television? I would think you would hear more about "rear-end" incidents. Ponder people drinking and carrying their "little friend" in their waistband. Yep, makes a lot of sense to try to keep bars "fire-free" but of course that won't happen. 

Amazing too is the number of specialized holsters I can buy. If you see a lady with unusual bumps on her chest, use caution as she may be packing. Bra holsters are all the rage for those itty-bitty pistols. Though one usually needs a purse holster for her full-sized beauty and there are some lovely cross-body bandeliers for those who like to keep their powder dry and close to their heart.  Yes all of this was covered in class. 

MOTHER TIME Switching gears once again. Happy Mother's Day to all and sundry. I was blessed to have both a Mother and Mother-in-law that were exceptional women. One full of life and passion; the other tolerant and steady and both with a streak of steel. Oddly enough one of the last times I saw each of them involved food, because of course, we're Moms. But not in the traditional sense.

 Mom was pining for homemade custard as she recovered from her latest health episode in the nursing home. I, the non-cook, was determined to fulfill the wish; from scratch! I stuck a bowl in my pocket and tip-toed it into her room as it was probably not on her diet. She then asked me to feed her so giggling I made like a Robin and her baby bird. When I left she bid farewell in a way that she hadn't since I was a child. I think she knew. That was the last time I spoke to her. 

My Mom-in-law was hospitalized in the end. Her words to me were "I'm so glad you came, I know you'll take care of things". Meaning her situation was intolerable and dismissive when the nurse in answer to my questions said "she's old" and shrugged. In a heart-to-heart with the doctor we got her moved but it was too late.  One of the last times she was conscious I was raising hell to get her something to eat as it had been hours.  She was too weak so I fed her. I am thankful I was there.

Then there is my other favorite Mom, my daughter. Where did she get that strength and calmness to comfort her little son when he went into convulsions from a spiking fever. How does she know exactly how to temper love with discipline on a boy who charms the birds out of the trees.  Blessed with incredible sisters and sis-in-law, I am proud to be part of a family of exceptional women. 

  Peace Out.... 💖   💛💙

I CAN WADDLE NO MORE (May 8)

"You're going to laugh" is never a good sign but an indication that something bad is about to follow.  All geeked for my second "spine tingling" shot when upon arrival the front desk looked at me like a bad smell on a hot day. One preps by foregoing pain meds for five days, fasting, receiving a half dozen reminders both by text and email and checking in online. I was excited as it was May 4 so my "may the fourth be with you" was all lined  up to amuse my torturers. I was even going "wings-free" as they never sent me my usual script for valium or pre-op instructions.  Heh, heh the nurse goes - the appointment was for Sherry Ide not Sheila-isn't that funny... not laughing. Especially ironic since that's the name of my recently deceased sister-in-law.  Perhaps a "gotcha" from beyond the grave.  Well played my sister, well played.

Speaking of recent passings. An old friend from my BWL days unexpectedly expired from a complication after surgery last week. I attended the funeral, taking one for the family, as they chose visiting the zoo instead. The friend's children were there of course and I wondered if I would recognize them all grown up. Well apparently I haven't changed as they recognized me, duhh. I, of course, ran into other old friends attending and wondered do we all really look that old? One gentleman remembered my name and I remembered.....his face! We chatted and I was trying to place him when I said "oh yes, you were Louie the Lightening Bug! (well we were an electrical utility) He also worked in the Environmental department which probably would have been a more flattering and professional memory.  

I did remember he was brilliant but a very quiet individual and conversation was sometimes difficult. Which made the Lightening Bug masquerade perfect for him. He could hide his identity and Louie never spoke. But obviously he had a little streak of whimsy to play the character.  Hmmm. How many  hide behind masks of scowls and unpleasant behavior to avoid revealing our vulnerable selves?

Speaking of masks, damn I'm good with the old segues today, I usually notice a high schooler in our neighborhood walking to and from the bus with her black mask firmly in place.

DIGRESS - yes most retired people do know what goes on in the neighborhood during the day. I keep binoculars on the window sill. I have to know which repair people are the best so I check who gets called the most.... obviously.

Anyway, I ponder whether she wears the mask until she's out of sight of her house or if she needs the anonymity. She's a high school coed who's is a little heavy which these days may trigger the nastiness of the internet-instagram-snapchat-memes.  Or is she like my brother who would dump his boots in the woods, out of sight of the house before he got on the bus and retrieve them on his way home.(I'm sure Mother suspected or we narc'ed). Being cool in high school is a thing, really. But in my day your "faux pas" did not live forever in the cloud. 

As for spying on creatures (another smooth transition) I have noticed some new neighbors scanning likely spots to plant their family. As he strolls from spot to spot, she stands still and puffs at him "for heaven's sake make up your mind!" He responds with "Too much open concept" "I'm really partial to shipwreck shiplap"  "Too big, too small, not enough building material" 

More wandering around and the kicker "This neighbor's bush won't work, they support those guys who would never believe one of our clutch failed to thrive or was stolen by a weasel.  Probably lock us up in some avian sanctuary, leaving no one to raise our 2 to 10 babies." Her retort "why not next to the river instead of courting roadkill disaster when we make our dash to the water?" "Water weasels" he snorts. "Besides I like the drama" Finally putting her webbed foot down she closes the argument with "I got a bellyfull of eggs, and no Duck Doc so get to building as I can waddle no more". At least I think that's how the conversation went or maybe I watch too much HGTV House Hunters. At any rate, I haven't seen the pair since he went behind the wood pile. Spartan Strong 💚  Peace out...💛💙

waiting in line