Recent visits from my darling little grandson have forced moments of bribery, err negotiation, as he "wants what he wants when he wants it" and meltdowns are messy and embarrassing when they occur in public. It prompts me to ponder that dealing with a 2 1/2 year old is similar to personal interactions with people of all ages. Or perhaps a lifetime of experience in personal encounters has allowed a certain wisdom when applied to a head-strong toddler. I have always had a problem with the word "compromise" as it means one or both have given up something in order to reach agreement.
Human interactions, contract negotiations, complaint resolution, ordering a hamburger with no onion all rely on a certain amount of problem resolution. We seem to be by nature, or nurture, under the impression that we must win or at least best the other person no matter how insignificant the encounter. It takes maturity to realize both can end up winning yet it is a concept that is not universally acceptable. Why is that? When raising children or grandchildren our goal is to raise happy, confident, honest little people who understand they are loved and are able to love others. And of course, we also need to understand when we are being bullied and not allow others to affect our own feelings of worthiness.
When contemplating any negotiation what we think we must have is really more an issue of want rather than need, and to be honest, in most cases we can be happy with a lot less than originally believed. To inspire that positive negotiation in others requires active listening - Open ears, Close mouth. I was "schooled" in the practice of the active listening technique over many years of investigating business and safety failures in order to provide a plan of action, solution or preventive measures. Amazing what people reveal about themselves and situations when you just wait and are legitimately interested in what they say. I confess I also perfected the ability to swallow a yawn without the other person ever knowing. Ok, everything is not fascinating but one does owe respect.
Have you ever noticed how a sales person will get a little personal (to a point) when trying to close the sale? We would much rather buy from a "friend" even a temporary one. This concept works whether you are selling "fries with that burger" or the extra accessories on your new car. Of course that is also the opportunity for the buyer to obtain a few perks -- a lower price, more free add-ons or services. Also the higher priced the item, the more the sales person is willing to negotiate. Both buyer and seller are happy. Isn't that a much better way to feel after your interactions?
As for my beloved grandson, I normally give in to his demands though I do employ redirection and substitution whenever possible. That way neither one of us has a tantrum...
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