My Aunt passed away recently at almost 98 and my cousin has organized a ZOOM call with the family to reminisce and celebrate her life. Looking through the pictures and stories he shared in a separate folder brought a flood of memories and regret. Good memories of Aunt Kathleen in my youth and regret that the previous generation is slowly though lately, more quickly, moving on. We are the matriarchs and patriarchs now and it is a tremendous responsibility and privilege, though our hard-fought wisdom may not be considered of particular value to the younger generations.
They can "google" whatever they think they need to know. Technology can deliver the facts but not the passion; the "black and white" but not the color; the pictures but not the experience; the conclusions but not always the wisdom to know what is truth and what is fantasy. Trust me, I did not always want my elder's counsel but there were definitely times when I needed to ask for their opinion before I made my decision.
I usually read my longer school papers to my Mother seeking her input on logic, clarity and syntax. I recall one fictional story I created on a surprise nuclear attack in California where I had the main character in utter panic and consternation say he "ejaculated" his terse instructions to staff while running his hand through his disheveled blonde hair. Mom just mildly asked me if I thought that word was the one I wanted to use. In my innocence I defended the word choice as I wanted to convey the urgency of the situation. That was all. Though I imagine she and the teacher experienced great hilarity when retelling the story later.
I also had Mom on the phone when my daughter took her first "solo" trip upon obtaining her license. She stayed on the phone with me until Kristen arrived home safely which probably helped me accept that she could handle the new responsibility. Of course, Mother loved and fiercely defended her children and grandchildren so I did seek her advice on baby/child issues as well.....sometimes.
Dad tended to give his opinion, loudly, whether solicited or not. Though when pinned down he often said "better ask your Mother". Shirley was not one to be taken lightly or ignored. I did consult him about a major job change seeking his thoughts on money vs. job satisfaction. He made his points which solidified my thoughts and definitely helped me make my decision, though probably not the one he thought.
Speaking of seeking input, in my MIOSHA career I had the unique opportunity to create a safety curriculum called the MIOSHA Training Institute which also turned out to be one of the hardest projects I have ever undertaken. Long a proponent of standardizing training (30 consultants, 30 ways to teach the same topic), I was eager to take the reins. But of course none of us had ever built a school before. This was a case of taking 30+ independent professionals and higher-ups, yoking them to the wagon and convincing them to pull in the same direction. Fortunately I am stubborn and the devil with the details.
In government work my mantra was always "what does the citizen want and how can we deliver value?" A view not always in the forefront. Not only did I have to be persistent in meeting the deadlines, I had to LISTEN to other's opinions ad nauseum and be sure that every voice was heard and acknowledged. Then I usually did what needed to be done, sometimes having to drown out the kicking and screaming. Especially when it was mandated that all instructors go through course development classes and create curriculum manuals, that anyone, could pick up and teach the course. Amazingly difficult to get buy-in on the concept.
So what is all this hard-earned wisdom and experience worth to those who follow? What will be said about me after I am gone? Maybe I should write a book and at least enjoy my own repartee. Oh right, I think I am.
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