Fifty years married September 4. What adventures, fun, laughter, heartaches, fears, triumphs and history have transpired. Though I do remember early on thinking I would still be under 70 if such a feat was achieved. Sorting pictures I came across a couple generations of 50 year anniversaries-who are these old people? Must be the enriched bread we get these days. It is not my imagination as the young man blowing up balloons for our party congratulated us and said we didn't look like it could be 50 years. Upon asking us how old we were when we got married (how rude) I said straight-faced,"12 and 14". Not a muscle moved on his face. I followed up with "we're from Arkansas". Sweat was beading up on his forehead as he struggled to come up with a noncommittal remark. Taking pity, I finally admitted, we were in college. His sigh conveyed all that was going through his mind.
This blog entry is going to take a different tack. No learning or politics involved.
Memory is a funny thing. Something you swear you will remember forever disappears and only the growth, wisdom and empathy remains from the experience if you're lucky. I think it is like a kaleidoscope of sound and color totally unrelated to reality. When retelling our engagement story this weekend of having a stupid fight in the car over "who knows" he said "let's just get married". The groom immediately protested saying "No, I asked you at your Mother's house". Waaa? 50 years and 1 day later and I never knew "the rest of the story". Knowing him so well, I believe he said he wanted to wait to tell my folks until after he had a ring, so that is his memory-nicer one too.
My Father told me after my Mother passed that she always felt she had forced us to marry sooner than we wanted. Both in college, engaged at the tender age of 19 (me), we had time. But they were moving out of State. I never saw it that way. It was just a way for us to be together and any wedding we could put together was perfect. Good thing as I pulled it off in 3 months - which was an early indication of my talent for putting projects together. BWL festival, City picnic for 3,000, Suggestion program, City Loan Program, Drug and Alcohol Testing and Hepatitis Vaccination protocols, MIOSHA Training Institute. Researching and financing a lake house, podcasts LOL. But it bothers me that she had regretted our rapid deployment. I am glad she was around long enough to see our 25th and 35th wedding anniversaries. (Yes, thank you big Sis Kathleen for introducing us)
The honeymoon was short for a few reasons- no time, no money and dragging our busted tailpipe on our way to Kalamazoo. Funny thing about champagne. If you shake the vehicle enough the cork pops. Second discovery-it turns to jelly which can be easily scraped off the ceiling-life lessons! We had just time to hit the State Fair (Labor Day weekend) and search for somebody to fix our tailpipe using what money we could scrounge out of wedding envelopes. Our second day we picked up used furniture and brought it to our "upstairs mansion" in Lansing. Fun times which is why getting married young is a good idea-it's all a hilarious adventure.
For our 50th the plan was a small dinner party for close friends and relatives that we didn't have to cook or clean up after..... Well 60 people later, a "few" decorations, a taco bar (Burt's suggestion reminiscent of our wedding reception), beer and wine.. lots of wine at a local reception venue and it was on. Everyone seemed to have a great time and we adjourned to the house for an eclectic keilbasa and potato salad repast and wine...lots of wine. I'm sensing a theme here especially since our party favors were little heart-shaped wine stoppers, though one guest asked "what is this left-over wine you speak of?" Do I know my crowd or what?
A lot happens in 50 years personally, professionally, in the world, but the things that are the most important are tattooed indelibly on our hearts. As a person who tends to be early our daughter timed her arrival two days ahead on the night of a dinner and cocktail party for Burt's staff as I merrily dropped "water" during the end of the evening. I smilingly telegraphed "these people need to bogey or they'll all be signing the birth certificate". Fun surprise when he went to work Monday with pics of the newborn.
The passing of our parents in their own time and place and the final images and words spoken. The passing of my brother who, though charming, witty, handsome and an amazing musician to the world, but fighting demons that those outside of our immediate circle ever knew about or could understand. Hearing him say "I forgive you" in his final days as I mouthed "I forgive you too". I only hope he found the peace he never felt when he was alive.
Her father's face and her tight squeeze on his arm as he walked our girl down the aisle. The excitement around the birth of my grandson when the text came "It's go time" from the prospective father. A long day of waiting and watching and then actually helping with the birth and cutting the cord. This amazing little person, whose birth I could actually watch. (they put mirror down there for the laboring Mom to watch-yeah right).
Our banner read "Cheers to the First Fifty Years" so I trust there is more to come. The first drink at the party went to the grandson (Shirley Temple) who proceded to entertain the audience and even whipped up an impromptu commercial for our host after interviewing her about her business. If he's like this at nine...look out world.
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