JUST SAYING...(January 29)

ITS THE ECONOMY, STUPID It is inevitable that the whites (linens, towels), Christmas decor and health club sales of January kick off another year of consumer spending. Which in itself has kicked the economy into high gear.  Always remember, our spending accounts for two thirds of the GNP (gross national product) if I remember my econ studies in college.  Yes, grocery items are crazy as well as cars and eating out, but I see restaurants crowded, cruise ships packed and people providing their families with incredible experiences. It is hard growing up as a squirrel (saver) though I am actually being a little freer with the "purse strings" as I realize I save when I don't have to - YOLO (you only live once) and the older and more decrepit I become that is even more true.  So damn it, buy the hideously expensive Ben & Jerry's and Hagan Daz - it's so gooddddd! Restaurant food is made, served and cleaned up by someone else-indulge. Fly first class and enjoy your mimosas before takeoff. 

Also, big advice in January is how important sleep is especially for the Boomer aged. Can you also tell me about the secret magic for obtaining that golden eight-hour night? I have not had an eight-hour night in a dog's age says the woman who used to go to the exercise club at 3 am to avoid the crowds and the crazy people. I now force myself to stay cocooned until 6 am but I am awake an hour or two before that. As a "senior" citizen the need to visit the porcelain bowl becomes more insistent even when one has an alcohol free night. No water after 8 o'clock makes one relive their youth or pay the consequences. Then you find new friends as you discover, and regret, all the body parts that may have been over-used the day before by walking, carrying, lifting, living. Funny how that works. 

Actually, I am a proponent of red wine as a sleep aid or white, whiskey, beer whatever you have lying around. Used to be able to snorkel several cups of wine with no lasting effects, but now it's like mentally wading through a mucky bog and the bounce just isn't the same, gasp. When does a buzz on become a cataract issue? Either condition leads to diminished sight. Though promising, wine's actual somnolent (I know so many cool words) effects are limited after the first couple of stuporous hours.

 COMMERCIAL BREAK Shifting gears. For those who still utilize the obscenely expensive cable television, are the commercials getting worse or have they always been obnoxious? I do DVR so I can avoid some of that, but it seems the more I loathe a particular advertisement it shows even more frequently. Building contractors and insurance companies; and lawyers, lots of lawyers. The builder promises but never delivers, from personal experience, the insurance ones are just grossly cheerful. If an insurance adjuster turned up at my house during a fire promising instant comfort and hotel vouchers, I would believe I was in an alternative dimension. Considering the last contractor I contacted said it would be six months before they could do any work based on the insurance companies' feet dragging on settling claims from last August. "Are you sure that tree fell on your house during the windstorm? After all, can one really see the wind." "However your policy does cover gremlin attacks leading to foundation instability, radon not so much". etc. etc. Then of course the attorney steps in when either of the other two do not work out. Perfect triangle with the consumer teetering on the point.

Stealing from my b-i-l; every time I see the Farxia commercial with the dancing woman I see "Diabetes: The Musical"   Did the call go out for a dancing/singing overweight person for the commercial which also features a store clerk or postal worker explaining the science behind the pill. The fact that diabetes sufferers always have problems with their weight and that they made an attractive woman look like a banana in horrible clothing is quite insulting. If you want to be honest about it put her in "jeans" (genes, get it?)

Then all those commercials advertising drugs, often for some disease one has never even heard of. With a list of side effects that sound worse than the disease. In some cases, I believe they create the drug and then look for the malady. And of course, be sure your doctor knows what you are taking.  Are we diagnosing and writing prescriptions on our own now?  Yes, facebook university makes everyone an expert. Opinions are science and all that. The best line is do not take if you are allergic to it.. How do you know unless you take it? Logic has no place in pharmaceuticals. 

Don't get me started on Lume. Those are the grossest commercials and are everywhere - TV, radio, online claiming people must be as odorless as a crash dummy mannequin. What is their problem. If you have an odor besides the natural pheromones from being an adult human person maybe you should have it checked out. By claiming it lasts 48-72 hours I see a problem right there. Have these people never heard of soap/baths/showers/toilet paper? Are they living with wolves? Hunting and hiding your scent from wolves? Right up there with the intelligence requiring a recall for plastic wrapped cheese slices. Apparently, people were not getting all the wrap off and were eating it along with their obviously tasteless cheese slice as they could not tell they were eating plastic. 

On the happy side, the floor has been completed (last two transitions put in place) and the latest podcast guest realized that the program was good as originally recorded while heaping great praise on my ability to keep the conversation focused. Alleluia. Not my first rodeo...                                                          Peace out and GO LIONS!!!!  💙💙💙💙💙

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HAPPY DANCE (January 22)

DEER TRAILS Oh the inhumanity! Poor over-populated creatures. There must be a better way. With our recent plunge into the ice castles of Antarctica, there has been much talk about salting or the lack thereof. As I recall little Miss Morton does not perform so well in root cellar temps, especially if your root cellar is cold enough to preserve a stray stegosaurus or two. However, one solution has me agog (love that word and so seldom able to use it). 

Around sugar beet country in mid and thumb Michigan territories they have experimented with combining beet waste with salt.  Ok. What does a deer guy like besides a deer girl of course. Beets (root veggies) and salt licks. Ponder this scenario. Deer finds an absolutely irresistible treat on his/her local roadway. Pause to enjoy and "BOOM" car-deer encounter. Though not so fun for either deer or driver as my neighbor will attest after a surprise interaction between Bambi and her beloved SUV. Though she did get to drive a cool loaner baby Jeep truck for a couple of weeks. In this area we are so overrun with the creatures they are actually arranging "bucks in a barrel" shooting parties in local parks, but the treat in the street just seems too cruel. At least in the park they have a chance as they can choose crashing through the window of a local establishment or driving away in the hunter's cars (I've seen pictures, well maybe cartoons). 

FLOORED Though the new floor has been in place for over a week, I am still subconsciously stepping over the crack that started the whole thing. Is that what they call muscle memory? I swear I still feel the offending part of the floor and look down every time I make the big step in that spot trying to avoid the crack. Don't want to break my Mother's back as they say. Apparently, the floor was somewhat uneven as much as 3/16 to 3/8 in parts allowing that standing onboard a moving boat feeling. Thus necessitating 2 and 1/2 days of leveling. The previous floor was stapled in place in a somewhat haphazard manner leading to the "floating" feeling in spots. (below showing crack in old floor right in a high traffic lane)

Another win presented itself as we are eliminating that automatic move to catch the flailing refrigerator door which is no longer necessary as the fridge is now level. Who knew? Maybe we will no longer have to thaw out the tomato juice that sits in the back as all the cold air centered there due to the tilt factor. Worth every exorbitant penny. 

TIME FOR A MASSAGE No major breakthroughs on the chiro visits, but I did force myself to wear the orthotics more this week. Doc always asks, soooo. Feel like I'm teetering on the edge of marble mountain, but I remain committed to the three-month ordeal with the Chicken Doctor (Dr. Roost). If anything, I ache in different areas so that is progress of a sort. I also had an anatomy lesson of how the backbone is connected to the hip bone connected to the pelvic bone, etc., etc. Well, I did ask. We discuss my podcasts, so I think he's interested in appearing. Many are called but few follow through to coin a phrase.

PODCAST WORLD The poddie this week was a bit of a bust so may have to re-record which is a first. Apparently, a script, rehearsal and redraft of the script was not enough to avoid a "deer in the headlights" event. He was surprised I had a hard stop at 40 minutes and claimed he had not reviewed the revised questions that were the same just simpler after the rehearsal. Not my first rodeo and after three years I know we need to do all that prep work, they are told several times we do it in one take (no formal editing) and have a "hard stop" at 30-40 minutes. Sigh. These take a long time to complete based on schedules, etc. so losing one is a major hassle. I am moving onto the next one as this puts me behind schedule. 

ONLY IN MICHIGAN I told the Chicken Doc that a Michigan girl knows better than to lick her lips in winter. Got pretty dry. As my sisters know I don't like sticky lips so rarely use lip balm and lipstick. So hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Doc said he had a root canal that week and was so afraid his lips would get all dried out. I pointed out one mostly drools after a root canal, but being a natural product kind of guy maybe he refused the numbing meds. I have gone back to work after having dental work which was probably not the best plan when one cannot feel their mouth because my job was mostly talking lol. My emps would take the day off with the philosophy "I got sick time so why not?" I always approved it of course -- wimps. 

Meanwhile  MSU AND LIONS WIN!!!! Peace out....💚  💙

FLOOR GAMES (Jan 16)

FUN WEEK This week's domestic reno was the kitchen floor which, alas, could not be saved from the handyman/bungler installer from a few years ago. Though it did mean four days of dining out and socializing with friends so also positive. Very dramatic look however more so than I anticipated. As I rail at HGTV House Hunters who are so shocked that an existing house does not meet their absolute tastes and expectations, this may be one of those fashion choices that will lead others to go hmmm. Not my problem. The lead worker spent much of his time flat on the floor, measuring, nailing, cementing, etc. At one point as he waited for something to dry, I offered him a pillow. It was easier for him to just stay low as he was a rather large, yet very skilled gentleman. His helper did all the running, lifting, cutting and sanding. The results are perfect however.

Chiro visits were interesting this week as the Doc rat a tats on my back. While carrying on a conversation I might add.  It's like an assembly line there of crooked bodies miraculously restored if you believe the advertising. I am tentatively giving a C+ to improvement thus far as I am able to walk 2000 steps at a time now. Though my ability to walk that far diminishes throughout the day. So 1,000 to 1500 most of the time. Tried the new orthotics in my slip-ons yesterday - ouch ouch ouch.  Not sure how that is going to go. I think I'm going to learn to walk on my hands and be done with it. 

LONGER RANT THAN USUSAL Speaking of bodily improvements apparently in Texas a pregnant woman has no rights for emergency services regardless of impending death or complications. Does it not strike these "holier than thous" that if the lady dies so does what she's carrying? Meanwhile 13 red states (repub govs) have denied federal money for children that provides food in the summer when school is out. Which oddly enough are also the States with the highest level of children in poverty. Do we not find the hypocrisy intriguing? OK. It would also cost them money even with the federal grant, but one gov has publicly stated he doesn't believe in welfare. Which explains why Iowa farmers love the Trump master. 

As a caring, Christian population (supposedly) shouldn't we be trying to save the ones who need help even if some bad folks abuse the system? Speaking as a formerly pregnant person, yes, our bodies are made to carry and birth children, but I am one for two regardless of my excellent health. Just like the human body is miraculously built to last 80 years or more how does that explain heart attacks and cancer especially in children. 

 Oh and lest we forget the ex-Pres' lawyers have fulfilled an earlier campaign statement that, yes indeedie, he can kill a political rival and be immune from prosecution. Yet he's still leading the repub field at 48%. The party of life has some soul-searching to do.

STUNT DRIVING Coming from the automotive State we are quite convinced of our outstanding ability to drive, make tricky maneuvers, squeeze through unbelievably tight spots and parallel park. The word in winter is "Hold my beer and watch this". Then there is the northern 180 that takes sliding to a new level where one can, on purpose, revert to the previous direction of travel with adroit application of  braking and masterful steering. However.  I draw the line at the monkey butt who decided to pass us at 70 miles an hour when the right lane was blocked by a semi and the left lane was blocked by a car one and a half car lengths ahead and us! Fortunately, that was the one day the roads were dry. One clip of the bumper and we would have created a very decorative pile-up.  Hope his/her hair was on fire and their hearing not sensitive enough to register the expletives delivered by three drivers. Fortunately, none of us were on our cell phones.

Speaking of tricky maneuvers; when us oldies go to our "Wellness Check" with the nurse and they ask us to draw a clock, I'm planning on going digital. My explanation will be "I may be a boomer, but I think like a Millennial!" I am always a disappointment to them as I literally have nothing to discuss with the nurse/social worker of the day and am done in minutes. 

Moving on to the snowgedden that didn't really happen, however they were totally correct in the colder than a witch's thorax warning. We got our usual 3-4 inches which totally flummoxed many folks who just had to make that daily trip to Meijer. They were removed from the ditches per usual. I even helped with a little shoveling being careful not to lift and twist as instructed by my chiro dude. Snow ergonomics just like the old days when I tried to teach the "mature" workers to lift with your legs not your back much to their amusement. I get it now. Peace out...💚  💙💛

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN January 8)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I'm sure 2024 will have its own unique highlights (and lowlights) and we even download an extra day. Like a runner doing a stutter/skip step to keep his time on track we need to finetune the calendar. Happy Birthday for those February 29thers who only get to celebrate every four years. Do they pick Feb. 28th or the March 1 as their substitute the other three? I would think the lst as that officially starts your next flight around the sun. 

                                                    

PLEASE STAY SEATED Speaking of flying, how safe do you feel taking that big silver bird? This week alone a plane had to be diverted because a passenger claimed to be the devil-not sure how that was disruptive as there are many of them out there. A drunken teenager precipitated another diversion. A plane crashed into another one on the ground. But the biggie, and everyone's worst fear, a sealed door panel fell off in flight-say what? Ripped the shirt right off a kid. Now does everyone know why we keep our seatbelts fastened whenever we are not in the wonderfully aromatic potty cube? Oh btw, the moisture on the floor is probably not water. Also aren't we glad that airlines spend most of their employee training time on safety issues? I know safety is a royal pain until, oh I don't know, something happens. 

Speaking of birds, since the weather turned into winter the bird feeder got filled. The reason I know that is the head banging commences where eager eaters start crashing into the patio door and kitchen window. Hey dodo, the feeder is in the other direction; learn about reflections or quit getting into turf/food wars with the other birds. As a means of measurement, they appear to empty a full feeder within two days once they get rolling. 

WHAT UP DOC? This follows the birds as the Doc's name is Roost (get it?) Well since this is my year of the medical, I thought I would give chiropractic methods a try. The insurance covers unlimited adjustments, but then there are all the other little extras that are not covered as with any "alternative" medical. I have a sleep pillow, seat cushion, orthotics, new vitamins and even a "brain tincture". Oddly enough I cannot find any of the items online when I go to research. This was the result of a "woo-woo" (technical term) hand reader thingee. Apparently, it noted 118 out of 198 adjustment issues so I should be in a wheelchair or dead, I guess. X-rays were interesting as they showed an old fracture in one of my vertebrae. He asked if I had been in an auto accident. No, just fell down some stairs once and dropped my motorcycle on me one time. Typical stuff you know. No arthritis in the back, just everywhere else, so that was the good news. 

The Doc is kind of a card and loves to do videos about treatment and exercises-which patients must suffer through-though he calls them maneuvers as exercise sounds like work. He also has cutsie names for the at home maneuvers like the Hitchhiker, Wall Angel, Mug Shot, Sphinx, Bird Dog to name a few. One is described as assuming a hostage pose with hands up against a wall. Based on my bill it does feel that way a bit. He also uses a vibrating (a guess) tool that sounds like a stapler when he applies it up and down my spine. It may be a vibrating or sonar tool as it feels a lot like what they used on me to break up kidney stones. I am literally vibrating when I leave the place. Though it is not as painful as the kidney stone treatment was. 

 Hey, I'm open to anything that might work at this point. I've decided to commit 3 months to this modus operandi before I make any decisions on anything more invasive. I also get 3 massages as part of my 3-month package so win-win! Back surgery is definitely not on my short-term bucket list, though I did tell the Doc that I probably won't pursue bungee jumping or parachuting at this point. He was relieved.  

 HOUSE WARS After anguishing over the expanding crack in my relatively new kitchen floor the awful truth emerges. The original dude put it in wrong. This is the dude who ghosted us after keeping or losing the key to the vacay home and would not respond to our calls. When a "handy person" says they can do anything in construction, do your due diligence, just saying. So, we have been hosting brand new floor tile in our dining room so it can "acclimate" to our house. Fortunately, they don't eat much. Oh Joy. The OH gets to "supervise" another house project which starts tomorrow totally messing up my podcast duties this week. Need a She-shed studio I guess. Wonder if the Conference will spring for that.

JP TIME - Hung out with the boy for a few days last week and of course trying out jokes is part of his repertoire. JP's - 1) What does a horse say when it falls down? Help. I can't giddy up! 2) Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work? 3) Mine - there are so many buttons to push in my car that run everything, but I'm really afraid to press the "rear wiper" control....Yeah well.

We offered JP a bit of sparkling Rose at midnight for New Year's, and he was eager to sip with the adults. After hearing my stories, he further decided he would sip, stick his head out the door to hear fireworks and call his Mom at the same time. Fortunately, one of those activities was a bust (no way he could do all 3 at once). After his eager swallow he stated "Yuck! How do guys drink this stuff!" My sister said to just tell him alcohol doesn't taste good until you're 21. As if.  It never really tastes good; it's more a determined acquired taste. Peace Out ...💚  💙💛