CHAPTER CLOSED (April 29)

FINALLY FREE An attorney an accountant and comic relief walk into a bar.....I have no punchline, just relating what occurred last week at our final meeting for the estate we've been handling. At the 11th hour, the accountant (OH) had a question on the final numbers. Huddling with the attorney while I provided useless ironic comments the matter was resolved. A process that started August 22, 2022, is finally over. Whew and alleluia. 

We were in town for a funeral so we were able to have everything finalized at the same time. One challenge was foolishly setting up the estate at the local credit union. Their rules are somewhat onerous. No online banking; no local affiliate who will take a deposit; no statements unless you ask. Then the final hurdle.  There is $5 left in a saving account that one is forced to open to become a member of the credit union. As we cannot close the estate account until the final checks are cashed, and, we would have to close it in person, that $5 is going to languish until the proverbial cows traverse to their esteemed homeland. It will probably end up on one of those mysterious "found money" websites. 

Our hotel, which I call the Amway of Rogers City based on the price, does have a nice view of Lake Huron and a perpetually out of order swimming pool. To our surprise they proudly informed us the pool is open! As we never bother to bring bathing suits I speculated if our aging wrinkleness would imitate said garment. No doubt it would burn the eyes of small children. Also, there was a running gag when we first worked on the estate with weekly trips to the same hotel. Becoming well-known to staff they would move the one comfy mock leather slipper chair from room to room for us. Imagine the surprise when the magic chair was happily waiting in our room, even after a year and a half. Nice to be remembered and have a rep for tipping the cleaners. 

Random quote from an attorney who should know better "nothing wrong with trying to influence an election; it's called democracy". Not exactly the word I would use but then I am not rich and powerful where no rules or decency need apply.

Random quote from a polite little boy selling candy bars door to door when I asked him why. "So my little brother and me can buy a dirt bike". Simple, direct and honest. I'd vote for him. 

Switching gears. My cataract surgery has been postponed a week, so now May 8 and 15. Was finally able to get the MRI ordered by the back surgeon (I should be part owner of those machines by now). As we are a town of older folks the soonest available appointment was in a town north of Lansing in their small hospital. They do have an active testing/urgent care activity, however. Popped my happy pill and trudged to radiology. A fact I was chastised for later. Apparently happy pills constitute wheelchair action. Especially when you climb aboard a freight platform and are slowly raised to the inner sanctum level. Complete with a roll-up metal door. I was sure I was being delivered to the refrigerator section of the local grocery warehouse. You then enter the control room resembling a James Bond nemesis' lair. Cool. Don't see my surgeon for a few weeks but apparently there is still a chunk of "who knows what" in my spine. Stay tuned.  

Hopefully taking a vacay from podcasting for a bit. One in the can; two from the conference being combined into another and two interviews this week. Not being able to see the camera very well at the conference live program I noticed when I reran the interview that my sweater was hanging off my shoulder for the entire program. Looked like a runaway from fashion camp. Since my helper and person I was interviewing were both male I am sure they never even noticed. Help! I need wardrobe people! I need respect! I need a vacation.

So funny seeing friends from 50+ years ago last week. I still think they are supposed to look like they did so I did not recognize some. Of course, I don't know who that old chick in my mirror is either. I think our eyes dim as we get older for a reason. I also don't know who has heard what stories-quite embarrassing. Peace out...💚  💙💛

A CONFERENCING WE WILL GO (April 22)

ALL ABOUT SAFETY As I traversed the hallowed halls of the DeVoss Center and adjacent areas around the Amway I have come to the conclusion that all of us should be wearing nametags at all times.  First name is sufficient as it creates an opening and a pseudo pose of recognition. After polling several people (young and old) no one opposed, and all were in favor. Especially hurtful is when people I only see once a year come up with great enthusiasm to my podcast table expecting instant recall by name. Especially galling were those willing souls who agreed to be interviewed as I take great pains to get to know them and relax them for the program and instantly forget them. I know, pretty sad on my part. 

 I managed the walk to Founders Brewery for the Monday activity, only pausing to lean on a handy parking meter or wall as I made my way. Fortunately, there was a group and a wing person that watched out for me if I turned up missing. I have much respect for those with not so obvious handicaps. We look so normal. The return trip for a dinner was much easier as I had partaken in a couple of brews first. 

The next day I have a good half mile trek from the hotel to the auditorium. Although it is totally an indoor walk you would be surprised at the lack of seating on a route through a gerbil tube and multiple hallways. Plus dragging a suitcase full of my equipment just added to the fun. I was greeted at the conference "dragging my wagon" to folks saying, "gosh you move like I feel". Did I mention a certain amount of imbibing takes place. I figured out a while ago that I can stay up late or drink, but I cannot do both. It does help with the duck bowling however which consists of a short lane & knock-down proof little pins on strings. The infusion of alcohol makes the whole match hilarious.

Second day heralded the awards presentations at the Gerald Ford Museum. Very nice venue until you realize it's all stand up tables and no seats!  Arghh. Again, wine helps. At the President's reception after the awards soiree, I was restricted with my wine intake as two, count them two, glasses were knocked out of my hand by enthusiastic guests. I guess they were looking out for me. We get into the most intense conversations that tend to get louder and more personal as the evening wears on. Our unbroken record of being shut down by Security at midnight is still intact. After losing my second glass I also lost interest and vacated early. 

On the plus side the keynote was great, and I was able to interview him later that day. Unscripted and winging it was easy with such an accomplished speaker. His message is people are not robots-we make mistakes and failures are errors in organization or communication. As he put it the old way of Blame-Shame-Retrain is just not working. We performed the interview live in the conference lobby to capture the background of happy conference attendees; however, I am not sure how well the acoustics worked out.

Of course, I had to have one small disaster that will be part of the Safety Conference lore. After much debate and finagling of cords we managed to light up my "Live Recording" sign complete with flashing multiple colors and placed it right in front of the interview space. As we were working through the questions, a totally oblivious participant stuck his head into the camera and said he wanted to be interviewed! His staff had already made the request, he has a habit of interrupting people and is very high maintenance when I have worked with him in the past. I yelped "Ken! I'm in the middle of a live interview". Duhh.  Instead of pausing so we could edit it out I kept going and a little later I said "Well I guess that's what happens when you do a live interview!" I think it would play but I am not sure how snarky I sound in shooing him away. Talk about your amateur hour. He later told me he didn't notice the cords, the flashing lights, the barrier and the conversation I was having with the Fire Captain in full uniform seated next to me. 😖  😕

I attended and introduced at a couple of programs including one put on by some Board of Water & Light security folks. They have a six-person security division, and I don't know how many safety folks. Back in the olden days it was just me and the work comp guy and for a year just me. We did finally hire a security person, but he mostly just investigated employees lol.  How times change. During the presentation one got a text and rushed from the room. That was about the time Ingham County had a tornado warning and BWL folks had to shelter in place. Pretty cool they were able to arrange that for the program. 

In a program about electrostatic ignition sources, I finally understand why plastic gas cans do not blow up. The trapped vapors and volatiles are above the upper flammable level so not the right mixture to ignite. However, cans that sit for a long time may lose all their volatiles due to evaporation so possible chance for boom boom. I hate plastic gas cans and unbonded pipes and non-grounded machines...

 But my best learning mo' was when the Fire Captain said you never go into purple smoke.  As part of their firefighter training the instructor told of a chemical fire where the smoke was purple. One plant employee when asked said, "I don't do purple smoke". The FF's poo-pooed him and took someone else in. Yep, they both got hospitalized as the "purple smoke" permeated their gear. So, the moral of the story is - you can fight white, black or brown smoke but do not do purple smoke! I queried several industrial hygienists, but still have not discovered what turns purple when it burns though I have identified a couple of nasty metals that are very dangerous, react badly to water and are related to nuclear waste and/or lasers. Especially disturbing when you realize that millions of people live within a couple of miles of chemical, nuclear or other high hazard industrial plants. Having safety and security people around makes a bit more sense don't you know. 

Miracles of miracles. Congress acted in a bilateral mode, as designed, and the maga nuts are crying foul. And Rumpie found out what people really think of him as well as how boring court can be when you're not allowed to talk although smirks and sotto voiced comments attempted intimidation. It is gratifying that at least for a moment, our belief that no one is above the law is a real thing. 

Peace out....💚  💙💛

ONWARD AND LOOKING UPWARD (April 15)

NEW VIEW FOR INTERVIEWS Attendance vs. involved. As I attend the annual safety conference this week, I have a bigger suitcase for my activities than I do for clothes. As I will be doing live interviews, my "tools" of the trade need their own little nest on wheels that I can drag the 1/2 mile from the hotel to the Center. And no cute shoes. It's the old orthotics or maybe I'll just get a golf cart. I do not remember other "senior" board members working so hard. They usually sit in the office and receive homage from their younger peers.  I know a situation of my own making. But I am kind of pumped to interview the high rescue dude from Colorado. We had a great pre--interview phone call and shutting us up may be the biggest challenge. 

ADVENTURES WITH JP The grandson has had a rough couple of weeks. Latest was while feinting backwards and forwards to catch the football (I think) he crashed down and fractured his wrist. Several hours and a molded cast later he is officially at half speed. Though he seems to be able to dress, eat and perform bodily functions without assistance. He will always remember the date, however as it was on eclipse day. That's the second incident this year where Mom or Dad had to be called to the school for an emergency. Boys are different I guess. Also apparently it is possible for admirers to sign an ace bandage covering the cast. UPDATE: JP is doing even better than expected or his parents have a lot of faith as his Mother posted a picture of him operating their biggest ATV with the two of them as passengers. Though still one-armed his intense look of concentration on the road was comforting.

We picked him up for a treat (and to assure myself he was ok) after school one day last week which morphed into dinner. After he ordered his favorite Mountain Dew, he kind of mumbled "I shouldn't have ordered that". Though the advantage is lost on him at this age, his young-looking countenance usually garners a kid's menu and smaller drinks with lids. When he politely and loudly asks for a regular menu they are surprised and apologetic. He went with the flow as he had been in the restaurant before (we hadn't) so he got a very small portion of the drink which he didn't finish.  However another attribute of the boy is his honesty. He told his Mom he had Mountain Dew at dinner. Boy, he and I both got the lecture on caffeine on a school night. Being Nana I did not throw him under the bus and defend by saying he knew better. He apparently drinks sparkling ice water at home-how cosmopolitan. Here we just have "the pink stuff" as he calls it, Crystal Light pink lemonade. So technically he did not have much caffeine, however, we both took our lumps and moved on with our lives.

ECLIPSED BY The most beautiful day this week was Monday - eclipse day. I was able to sit out the entire time and hear the tree frogs kick in at its height, though it never really got dark. Amazing how we believed in science to such an extent that people made reservations and drove 100's of miles to be a part of the spectacle based on scientific calculations. Funny how that works. But there is something to be said for so many of us focusing on this marvelous event in the natural world and enjoying a magical moment free of division and controversy. Though MTG tried to relate it to God messaging us that we are bad doobies. Because she's not too bright she may not know earthquakes occur frequently as well as eclipses every 18 months. Not to mention her rant defending Putin. At least she's not shy about who's paying her and who she represents. I think she better keep an eye out for lightning bolts, just saying. Meanwhile the speaker and that other guy in Florida, who thinks he's still in charge, had a news conference about passing a bill that is already in the books while Arizona merrily drags women back to the 19th century. Back to business as usual. 

SPRINGING CONTINUES Although there was really no winter, spring is cascading headlong into the void. My next harbingers are the hyacinths who have graciously spread their beauty a bit further this year. Their eventual take-over of the kidney shaped garden spot, though fleeting, is eagerly anticipated. Another sure sign is the appearance of Mr & Mrs Mallard perusing the backyard during the rain looking for a dry spot for brood raising. The Grand River is across the street and there is an empty house directly across from us on the river but apparently that real estate is already occupied. I'm thinking the ancient wood pile provides adequate cover and shade. The eventual mad dash with the babies for the river is fraught with danger and general hilarity dodging cars, deer, turkey buzzards, small children. etc. Peace out....💚  💙💛  

                                       

THE TIPPING POINT (April 8)

LOOKING GOOD Just read an article on how people of a certain age are blessed with "age" goggles. That moment when you look in the mirror and say "damn I look good for 70-80 and beyond". In the writer's opinion we feel we look younger than our peers and very attractive to boot. Then we all get cataract surgery and the fairy tale dies. Although I will say many of us are in better shape than when we were younger - better diet and concentration on exercise and not to forget those surgery recoveries. As I was warned in my younger years, if you don't take care of yourself in your youth, big surprises await as we age. 

The OH was just telling me about "Noisy Sunday" at church today. Where a collection is done for loose change. I am afraid it could be taken as a testament to the sermon and how much one feels motivated to tip. As the preacher man went long today, I imagine there were slim pickings on the approval scale in the collection basket. Why not? Tipping expectations are everywhere, and the amount is ramped up when they use machines that suggest one starts at 20% and goes up from there. Though when the robotic/AI (read non human) machines start expecting a tip like Steak & Shake I draw the line. After placing our order and paying through a machine, then picking up the finished product and serving it to the table I am not so inclined as I basically "worked" for my meal. Here's the spooky part - we never saw a human...

TIPPLING RANT Who's next? Doctors. See how much one tips when your wait time, after your appointment time has come and gone, is longer than the actual appointment itself. No tip or a protest $1. Better yet, set out $10 on the counter and extract $1 for every 5 minutes past appointment time. FedEx, UPS, Amazon are another category. But they whiz up to the porch and back to the truck so fast, I do not feel obligated. Pizza Delivery which I rarely do makes me feel guilty and afraid I will get crushed food if they don't get enough on the initial order (do they really get the tip) so I overcompensate as they start to hand me the order and hesitate with great expectations. "I'm holding a pizza man; you want it or not?" So much for the special discount I got originally. I'd put a tip jar out for my podcasts but they're online unfortunately. How about newscasters? They get tipped if they report only news I want to hear which is slightly different from "all the news that's fit to print even if it offends you". 

Lawn people. Zip around in their little go-carts spreading fertilizer, seed and advice exhorting the homeowner not to walk on the grass. But what is grass for? What poison has been spread? I refuse to tip anyone who calls me a bad landscape parent as it needs to be rolled, watered (we don't), caressed; not to mention suggesting services to control the grundie pincher bug cousins. If there's no crabgrass I'm good.

ORANGES & APPLES Speaking of taking bribes/er tips the orange one apparently is leading in many polls. I don't know about yo'all but a dude who's declared bankruptcy six times, has 88 indictments in 2 state and 2 federal courts (convicted twice) and can't come up with the money for his legal bills so he has weaponized the RNC while hawking golden shoes and altered bibles would not be my choice for prez. He's no businessman or billionaire and shows no sign of intelligent life, maybe it's his "age" goggles as he ain't pretty either. As the cowboys say most animals do not pick the dumbest to lead the herd. Funny I always thought the antichrist would be a handsome silver-tongued devil not Bozo the clown. 

COUNTDOWN Quiet week. Only two doctor appointments (one each) and one pre-interview with the former Chief Ranger at the Grand Canyon. He's the dude you would see doing high hazard rescues hanging from the helicopter and was the guide DuJour for celebs looking to come back from a hike in one piece. He now lectures on the principles of High Reliability in high-intensity environments, Organizational Performance and Wilderness Emergency Medicine. His stories have to be a heck of lot more entertaining than mine. When I set it up for 10 am he responded "Mountain Time". Oh yeah, Colorado duhh.

 I plan on doing a live interview with him at the conference next week as he is also our keynote speaker. It may run on Facebook as we do it. I've got a light rope that will wrap around the sign to be lit when we go LIVE. The idea is to entice conference goers and possibly live questions and comments. It will probably look pretty amateurish, but what the hey. As long as I get another couple of programs in the can.

 Spring is throwing out the crutches and bringing us a solar eclipse-ye hah! Peace out......💚  💛💙

                                                            

THE WEEK OF TAKE-OUT (April 1)

 April Fools. I didn't post on Sunday! Or maybe I did. I just learned the original fools were those who refused to accept January 1 as the beginning of the new year as decreed by Pope Gregory XIII in 1582, And that was without social media claiming the Pope had no right back when the Catholics were all-powerful apparently. But no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition (for the Monty Python fans). 

Things We Learn - after a dramatic week of injuries and surgery along with working two church dinners, we treated ourselves to a DQ goodie. I wanted to try one of their new blizzard flavors (delicious I might add). Not being a steady patron, we were quite shocked and highly amused when the server stuck the blizzard out the window to the truck ahead of us and tipped it upside down. Then, of course she dropped it! We debated running forward and grabbing it as the truck pulled away but since we'd already ordered...Then she did the same thing with my blizzard! However, she did manage to hang on to it this time. Is that to prove it's like concrete? We didn't ask. 

Cataract surgery went well, at least after the first day of grumpiness. The OH needs to learn to complain more as we all assured him he wouldn't feel a thing during the procedure. Apparently, he did but kept it to himself. The next day it took three tries to get his eye to dilate so maybe it's just him LOL. But with the eyesight greatly improved he popped out the lens of his glasses and now sports a popeye look especially when his photochromic lens side turns dark. It's looks like a high-tech pirate eyepatch. The daughter took a picture of his bandaged pinkie and pirate look for posterity. It will appear on next year's JP calendar. 

A big week for JP as well. As it's Spring break we enjoyed his company for a few days which of course included bowling. Which led to an impromptu lesson from Mike Braun one of the super-senior bowlers in the State who happens to hang out at Royal Scot. He had the boy crushing the sweet spot and popping strikes with that lightweight ball of his. 

Then he experienced his first foray into a mouth expander and braces as part of his spring break vacation. As we knew what was coming, we stuffed him with every sticky forbidden food we could find before he entered his year of "careful" eating. After the install, we started calling him Slurpy as his saliva production hit an all-time high causing him to talk with a cute little slushy lisp. We are so cruel. The dentist said they encourage the kids to speak and read out loud with the appliance in place which they said would not be a problem with our budding stand-up comedian and chatterbox. It still looks like a torture box but we're trying to remain positive. He's planning a big party next year when this crap all comes off with every sticky, hard and carmelly thingee he can get his hands on. 

Between the sliced finger and limited eyesight, I was complaining I would have to be in charge of meals. Fortunately, I do know how to order in. Well Purdue's in the Final Four and after beating Michigan all season, winning the Big 10 and the Big 10 tournament in hockey we blew the last game to get into the Frozen Four- to Michigan ---arghhh.  Peace Out....💚  💙💛