THIS AND THAT (May 27)

BACK TO BUSINESS More physician evals last week. Back surgeon came in with a little model of a backbone held together with rods and screws and no doubt gorilla glue. Whoah - I think you got the wrong model here. What was especially interesting is I waited in what must have been a pediatric exam room as it held a creepy Minnie Mouse doll -no doubt a P.A., baby shoes attached to a rod (another torture device) and a sign admonishing one not to put dirty diapers in the garbage pail. Though on second thought there are a lot of, ahem, older patients visiting here so diapers or depends-it's all relative. 

I am open to the less invasive laminectomy with an abbreviated recovery time so I can again stand in lines and walk the malls. Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like much of a trade. May be simpler to tattoo a sign to my forehead "invisibly disabled, so me first". Face tatts are all the rage, so I fit in plus positive spoiler alert, they do not sag noticeably as one gets older due to the forehead placement (unlike tramp stamps). A little wavy but one can work with that using cursive. Plus, when you are not looking for accommodation artfully placed bangs will cover up the message. Win-win. 

Upon questioning on whether I had a fall that screwed up my back I thought back to famous falls I have known. Ok. Fall in between the dock and boat that left a massive and colorful bruise on my hip. Fall down the stairs when I was alone and managed to crawl back up the stairs and go on. Dropping my Honda 250 on me while driving around the yard. Jumping over a barrier and coming down hard at an accident scene. But I maintain, as a boomer, it was a lack of technology. How many trainings did I perform hauling a massive reel-to-reel projector around loading and unloading it into awkward places. How many trips did I take with a (imagine) non-wheeled suitcase, again loading and unloading into awkward places. How many times did I haul around Resusci Anne performing CPR training. How many times does one "hold up their end of the item" knowing it was too heavy so I wouldn't be marked the useless member of the team.  It adds up. However, the days when I could just lie on the floor and put my legs up on the couch for relief are long past. Plus, it's a bit harder getting up off the floor-lol. 

CITY TIME Speaking of my salad years I saw a story on Lansing's former Mayor David Hollister the other day. He was incredible to work with and gender, color, orientation was not a concern for him. He just wanted results. I learned a lot about management style from him. They mentioned the seat belt campaign he launched when he first took office (well actually delegated to me). We created billboards and advertising materials showing the belt around the Capitol. The LPD had a great time with stopping people (before it was the law) and "gifting" them with a Burger King coupon if they were in compliance. Scared the hell out of drivers. Side Note: the OH did not start wearing one habitually until his little girl asked him why he didn't have one on. Caught by the old do as I say, not as I do clause.

 They also mentioned the new City logo he created with the sun behind the Capitol. Privately we pointed out that because of the placement of the sun behind the Capitol one would be facing west so the sun was actually setting, not rising, ahem. However, the die had been cast, literally. Clinton's visit to Lansing (and the Mayor's assistant falling off her chair on the podium) the Lugnuts stadium project and the campaign to keep GM in Lansing were also during his regime, so it was an exciting time to have an inside seat at the mechanics of the projects (and the parties). Though having to meet Geoffrey Fieger and escort him up to the Mayor's office during his ill-fated run for governor was definitely a low point-a total tool.

SIGH Pay attention people. I was reading an article stating about 50% of Americans think the economy is shrinking or in a recession - neither is true. They think the stock market is at its lowest which is the exact opposite with Dow and S&P hitting numbers never seen before. They think unemployment is at its highest level in 50 years when at 3-4% it is the lowest in 50 years. We are the envy of the world as we negotiated a soft landing, and the economy has not only recovered from the pandemic but is actually growing. Yes, gas is always a bone of contention; groceries are obscene but the lines at attractions are huge and everybody's filling the planes, trains and highways so apparently, it's "the other guy". I blame the media focusing on the negative and the magas spreading manure. 

ROAD WORK With all our doctors in Lansing or East Lansing (they tend to cluster together) negotiating travel has been challenging as the Gov is busy "fixing the damn roads". The routes change daily-no exaggeration. I find it best to smile and wave at disgruntled workers. This accomplishes two things: 1) they are assured we see them and 2) forestalls having a tool "accidently" thrown in one's direction. However, you can't cover up dropping in a hole after missing a detour-you're on your own there. As the route to the surgery center keeps narrowing, I am in awe that all of us older patients, GETTING EYE SURGERY are able to negotiate the entry, and especially the exit, without causing road construction mayhem. 

Actually, the prettiest sign spotted is the one that says, "End of Road Work". Heading to a barbecue so peace out....💚  💙💛 Happy Summer- The Hummers are back. 

                                                                

                                                                

THANKS TO THOSE WHO GAVE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE! WE REMEMBER YOU AND WELCOME HOME.

YO HO HO (May 20)

EYEBALL UPDATE Miracle number 2. I am typing on my laptop and was actually reading a paperback with NO glasses. Cataract surgery has turned out to be amazing and may even improve further over next couple of weeks. 20-20 and 20-25 at the moment-whoowee.  Amazing how some don't "trust science" so I say stay in your lane of blindness and ignorance, I'm moving on. Second eye a little grittier feeling, but that has subsided as well. Either I didn't get as much happy juice or the second time is more familiar, according to the mandatory video all patients have to review, as I remember being wheeled in and out of surgery and seeing the room which I do not remember at all the first time. The Doc is happy with his alter ego name of Hawkeye. As he was not under the influence of the happy juice he remembered our conversation. 

EYEBALL ACTIVITIES I have been reading the giant garbage bag full of practically new paperbacks my sister "gifted" me last summer. They all feature an intrepid female problem-solver. Supply is getting low but hopefully will last me through my next surgery. I have been gifting the local library with the books and they don't seem particularly excited though they were not cheap and in very excellent condition. Whatever. I suppose they would be more grateful if I gave them my untouched Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn books. I read all the classics (including the Brothers' Grimm) back in my youth and was hopeful my daughter would have the same interest in reading. Unfortunately, not and the grandson is into graphic novels, so they sit pristine in her shrine of a room I have not had the energy to clean out. Though Joe says it's his room now. I think he discovered her Mad Magazine anthology, however.

I used to always have a couple of books going at the same time-something non-fiction, something historical and something trashy. I may have to get back to that as my trivia knowledge is slowly waning. I even find it difficult to sit still to read my AARP, AAA and bi-weekly investment journal these days. When did I become so guilty about just sitting and wasting an entire afternoon reading? Though reading does mean snacking, so I jump to walk a couple thousand steps frequently.

EYES HAVE IT I read the best clapback regarding Harrison Butker's comments at Benedictine College where he told all these accomplished women including distinguished female teachers who are also nuns (not married, no kids) that we all long for getting married and having children. Really. Does his accomplished mother, who had a career as a medical physicist also clean house in heels and pearls? "I'm not taking career advice from a guy whose life ambition was to kick a ball."

Had the grandson for the weekend and he and Grandpa went out to the driving range a couple of times to hit balls. Also, he actually beat Grandpa at pool one out of three. He's taller now so that totally changes the stakes when you can actually reach across the table.

Starting to hit the lake and getting the boats out. The OH found a new toy to display on the deck which looks very nautical. Energized by the sun it's upper light rotates all night long. We haven't decided if it's going to annoy the neighbors yet, but it's so cool. Our friend and neighbor on one side likes it and as he pointed out "what the heck, we're at the lake". Works for me...until someone gets the bright idea to steal it and chuck it in the lake through malice or annoyance. 

                                                       

Another busy week and having the boy puts me behind on chores so cutting this short. One final thought. When I was lamenting how much I am noticing with my new "eagle eyes" how I really look, the recheck Doc said "well if it helps, you look the same to us as you did before"! God I almost wet my pants. Peace out....💚  💛💙

MIRACULOUS MAY (May 13)

 AMAZING! Mixed blessing and curse as I can see the proverbial head of a pin and also all the dirt and dust that has been accumulating in my living quarters. Color is outstanding rather like a kaleidoscope that overwhelms the senses, an artist's dream. Countered by the shock of seeing oneself in full 72-year-old glory; guess there is a reason our eyes dim as we age. I'm thinking of naming some of the newly discovered wrinklies. Also, the color of a certain bodily elimination function indicates I should be drinking more water-so health bonus! Suddenly I am reading street signs like a kid again and small print from 20 feet away. All of which is needed as road crews in E Lansing are systematically closing down access to the medical center. We have attempted three different routes as detours to nowhere, missing pavement and general befuddlement ensue. We got in through a restaurant parking lot on the last trip. Further there is only one narrow in and out patch of road to the medical complex left open making people with compromised vision a real menace. 

White brilliance even on a cloudy day when the old reality was a certain yellowish tinge coupled with the illusion of dust in the air. Which you don't realize until your eyesight is corrected! The red maple leaves that actually show a touch of silver when struck by the morning sun (who knew?). Truly miraculous surgery. That's only one eye and the effect was fantastic. I hope I never take my new view of life for granted, but I probably will. Though I wonder what happens when the second eye gets its wake-up lens this week. But, alas, I am still not able to play the banjo (see last week's note).

They give you a little happy juice intravenously to take the edge off which led to my joshing with the surgeon and staff throughout the procedure. We were trying to come up with a super-hero name for the Doctor besides "Superman" (his contribution). I had named one of his colleagues Ned Flanders (Simpsons) and he knew exactly who I meant so that led to his wanting an alter-ego. Hawkeye, probably.

DRIVING AGAIN No restrictions on driving with my super eye which led me to another observation. When I am behind someone, they go less than the speed limit. Not earth-shattering, but annoying. However, when I set the cruise at the speed limit (or a little over as I have an abhorrence of earning speeding tickets) someone will inevitably be attempting to ride in my trunk. Go figure. Funny how distracted driving has no impact on speed, though the ones that go too slow while texting are preferable to the ones speeding under the same circumstances. 

PODCAST WOES My last podcast before a three-month break, as I have enough saved to get through the summer, was one of the hardest. As he was someone eager to be a participant after listening to my other offerings, I guess I should have believed him when he said he was more of a writer than a talker. Could have fooled me with all our encounters and the videos he produces for his business. I guess nerves get the best of us. Thankfully, not my first rodeo so I was scribbling down follow-up questions during his one and two sentence answers. I was lucky to get 20 minutes of material when I often have to break in after 30+ on most speakers. They usually rise to the bait as I skillfully and professionally stroke their expertise juices and get them to open up. Wasn't working.

TOTALLY UNEXPECTED TOPIC Just learned some interesting news from cicada world. You know the billions and billions and billions of noisy little varmints crawling out of their underground dens to procreate. Apparently, they are being infected with a fungus which causes their "naughty bits" to fall off. However, the fungus also ramps up their desperate need to "hook up" even without any parts with which to do so with both female and male cicadas (thus spreading the fungus). So essentially, we are being invaded by zombie cicadas so to speak, hopped up on sexy cicada pheromones. Sounds like a bad movie plot or RFK's bad brain-eating worm infestation presidential campaign. The fact that RFK admits the worm brain eating thingee makes one wonder if he is under the control of his infestation. Can the presidential race get any weirder?

Odd to have all this free time though my constant noticing of something that has to be cleaned has kept me a little busier than usual (curse you new lens). Plus, that stupid tree frog has taken up residence on  top of my front screen door requiring one to duck every time it's opened. Apparently, his favorite food bugs like to hover there as well.  Peace out....💚  💙💛

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MOTHERS OF MANY SEASONS

FISH OR FOUL (Yes I know what I spelled) (May 6)

LURED/LURID An abbreviated version this week as we have been "lounging" at the lake with the grandson this weekend, His record intact, he hauled in about 15 blue gills. As we are on a catch and release program due to our total lack of interest in the cleaning and cooking elements, they live to fight another day. They ended up in a bucket for a while as one of the boy's arms is in a rigid cast making worm attachment and fish detachment a tad difficult. We agreed to his fire fetish Saturday night and roasted, rather burned, our token marshy mallows. When the OH asked about the chocolate and graham cracker additions I shut down operations. 1) JP will not really eat them; 2) they are messy as hell and 3) we don't need the extra cals. 

Some fun activity every day this week with three involving medical personnel and/or treatments, a podcast recording and a haircut. So ending the week with my relentless pursuit of beauty. Or rather, a hairstyle that I can basically wash and wear which my stylist says is a bridge too far.  Hah. She doesn't know how little I am willing to find acceptable.

INTERVIEW THIS My final poddie for the summer was supposed to happen last week, but first my interviewee wrote and had to have an unexpected and embarrassing medical issue taken care of. Rescheduling for this coming Tuesday (week later) I get two messages from him on Thursday of last week. As the second one was entitled "OOPS" I realized he had mixed up the days. Sigh.  Well third time's the charm. My other interview was "interesting" to say the least. 

As a long time Professor of medicine and chief of the Division of Occupational and Environmental Medicine at MSU when he talks, people listen. He offered some controversial, perhaps, opinions on the origins of lung disease and blew up some "educated" comments from the internet trolls. However, we all know, people would rather believe their opinions reinforced by carefully mined nuggets from social media. He was not shy about pointing virtual fingers at those seeking to exploit the fears of the gullible with unnecessary and useless products and procedure sold to both businesses and homeowners alike. To put it another way, my example would be those who claim the miniscule amount of PCBs sealed in a transformer up on a pole causing their cancer rather than the cigarette or other drugs they enjoy having any impact. Used to drive me crazy as I'm spending all shift monitoring asbestos exposure on masked and gowned workers who come out on break and light up. My results are quantifiable-theirs are "just a feeling". The Doc also blew up a lot of "misinformation" on how harmful mold really is...not. Interesting. 

IN MEDICAL NEWS First eye goes under the knife this week so basically a crap shoot on how well I see to read, write, shoot and play the banjo for a while. Which will heal (hopefully) in time for the second eye to be slashed a week later.

Update on the nerve noodle, nodule, fragment, whatever, in my spine. It hasn't changed in a couple of years so full steam ahead on the laminectomy, I guess. Hate to see what insurance is paying on that little consult. Bones do grow back and together. They take the piece of bone out of my back that's been squeezing my spinal cord like a boa constrictor and tuck it between two vertebrae where it grows together like a little bone stent keeping the dueling vertebrae apart - cool.

AND FINALLY AMPHIBIANS I don't mind raindrops falling on my head, but when I opened the front door and had this little fellow nail my noggin, I jumped like a bead of oil on a sizzling pan or a frog on a hot tinned roof.  (No animals were harmed in the making of this picture.)

 Peace out.....💚  💙💛