MISCELLANEOUS TOPICS AND "JOE-ISMS" (Week of Oct. 11)

Does anyone know why people put stickers on their cars that state "Baby on Board"? Does that prompt a special untouchable screen around the car in question that repels any possible collision? Which would indicate if it's just regular people, not babies, one can attack at will. Rules of auto war games I assume.

And does anyone really want to buy a product from fake commercial people that basically call anyone not doing what they recommend an uninformed dumbass? I especially loathe the two women who apparently spend their entire waking moments cleaning their houses. One even spouts "I know all the tricks". So there is trickery involved-who knew and who cares? Most of us are not married to our houses though that would be an interesting combo. Just think of the excuses - "No, we can't come to the party; my house is having a mid-eave crisis and has nothing new to wear". Being annoyed I always forget what they're selling-not a great advertisement for the product/service.

Exciting week as the new "plug in your house" system was installed. Upon losing power we now have the ability to generate specific vital parts of our ongoing existence-mainly heat, water, refrig and potty. However, the second component, the generator, led to a bit of wrangling with the OH over his usual insistence on "overkill" on the generator size and manufacturer.  Although the 6500 would do the job, the 7000 would do the job better, quieter, no carburetor, blue tooth enabled and would not have to work at full capacity. So what's the problem? The 180 day, give or take, wait time for the 7000! Apparently any available generators are all down in Louisiana. Praying for good weather for the foreseeable future, as is Louisiana I imagine,

But the OH was vindicated when, big surprise to the Honda dealer, a wayward 7000 unit mysteriously appeared. Whether it was a miracle, stolen or just bad intel, the main thing is we now have the behemoth in the garage happily awaiting its maiden voyage; the machine which of course I could not figure out how to connect to my phone as advertised...sigh,

Changing topics, I am struck by the similarity with police departments fighting so vehemently about vaccine mandates with my own struggles with the City police and fire when vaccines and protective gear were introduced. Logic would indicate that these public safety folks are on the front lines of exposure to general mayhem, violence and disease because of their work. So fighting against the wearing of latex gloves with patients, bullet resistant vests, hepatitis and covid vaccines seems a "no-brainer". Especially when a positive test affects co-workers, other people and family members.  

More than 400 officers died through covid infections, twice as many as from gunshots, since March, 2020. This is documented by the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund. Though I scrupulously peruse any information explaining why they are resisting outside of a vague "freedom of choice" I've seen no cogent argument. Freedom, of course, is relative and only  applies in specific circumstances for some people. I think I shall start deciding which rules or laws I shall adhere to in the name of freedom. 

Shift Change again. Putting up the latest school picture of the grandson I am stuck by how much he has changed in a couple of years.  Face is thinned out and he looks more mature-the baby is gone 😔. Joe is such an outgoing extrovert it surprises folks to know how young he is. Belle of both September parties and memorable as I keep hearing from folks who were in attendance.  He has these "Joe-ism" moments I call  them.  He refers to Crystal Light Lemonade as "pink water". He refers to not wearing a shirt as a "naked shirt". He has clearly instructed his Mother not to pick him up from school until at least 5:30 as he needs time with his buds. He researches what he is interested in rather than asking Nana. Alas I am outdone by Google, but sometimes the big G and I do not agree.  

He asked permission to watch a Godzilla movie on his IPad the other day. He knows I hate monster movies, but his concern was different this time. "It has some bad words in it like the B-word and the F-word."  Curious I asked if he understood what the F-word meant. "Oh yeah" he says. I persisted and he told me it meant you were dumb. Stifling my amusement I told him "Well that's not exactly what it means, but you're right, you should not use it".   

Final Shift  Unlike school pictures chronicling the differences, we often don't notice change until we stand back and compare. Though so much stays the same regardless of the impetus put to it.  Things like hatred, fear, bias and bad behavior. Someone said, actually in a comic, that people love to pile on and hate something or someone when prompted by a bully as it keeps them from focusing on their own horrible behavior. It certainly is a different world than four years ago and rudeness and impatience are the norm. I know I don't use the middle finger after bad traffic behavior any more in fear of armed retaliation.  Well, full disclosure, that was kind of rude behavior on my part as well. ..but so satisfying to signal "I saw that Bozo"...  PEACE OUT  ✌

  

POLITICS BE CRAZZZZYYY (Week of 10/4)

 

"10-4 Shirley, we'll see you again". I uttered those words fourteen years ago when I eulogized my Mother at her funeral on October 4, 2007. Hard to believe it's been that long as she is usually in my thoughts most days. I often wonder what she would say about the craziness of the last several years. Eight years of the country's first black president followed by complete reversal in the election of an incompetent racist narcissist who opened up the floodgates of our national prejudice and bias which is always simmering under the surface. A pandemic that turned political and a deposed "wanna-be" dictator spreading lies along with the willingness of so many to be influenced by social media spreading unproven opinions and conspiracies. "May you live in interesting times" (which may or may not be an old Chinese curse). 

I think one would agree that the Democratic party has some interesting members. The reason the smaller party (Repubs) manages to move their agenda forward is their ability to walk in lock-step with each other regardless of intelligence or conscience.  The Dems, on the other hand, represent more of America's diversity which I also believe is her strength.  However, we become mired in the swamp as so many opinions are bound to result in roadblocks. The time it takes to remove these impediments kills our ability to enact real change in a timely manner.  Why is it so tough to make a few concessions or compromise here and there on our way to the big picture?  Chasing crucial Dem votes from a clueless senator in a yacht; cornering one in a bathroom who cannot give a straight answer of what she wants (either doesn't have a clue, or waiting for her "handlers" to tell her-either a scarey scenerio).

I know bathroom encounters are viable "grounds" for negotiations. I am an advocate for unisex bathrooms (with closed cubicles). Not only would they resolve the "is he or is she" debate but no more of those agonizing lines of women at venues with too few potties. I also see the value when one of my former bosses stalked the men's room as a key management negotiator was cornered there by the union negotiators (all men obviously). Which also illustrates the need to have more diverse representation btw.

Some of these elected folks must have been management types (if they ever worked a real job) who should understand that you make progress in bits and pieces and strive for consensus.  As a former manager I can unequivocally state that I never had the luxury of saying "Do this, because I say so". Naw, doesn't work that way. You will have mass resignations or suffer the office equivalency of  fragging by your suborbinates. 

When I was the "creative director" of the MIOSHA Training Institute, it would have been a heck of a lot easier if I could have just directed everyone to do as I say. The Construction group was especially challenging as: 1) they like straight talk but are not good with change; 2) they were more "hands on" and "shoot from the hip" rather than buying into course development protocol and 3) they were construction folks and arguing is their major joy in life. I stumbled upon a winning strategy however as I convinced one of them (who was both a construction dude and a PhD in psychology) to be my convincer. He could switch from construction-eese to academics with ease. The frustration to me was how long it took to get them on board as they were all brilliant in both understanding the standards and the nuances of the construction industry.  Because of those qualities, they were all great and interesting teachers. But my point is, by recognizing the differences and DEALING with issues immediately, we reached our goal. The MTI classes remain a valuable and sought-after form of training and certification to this day.

We have two years to make a difference, because if we do not, we will be booted out at mid-terms in 2022. So bring on the reconciliation strategy and get'er done! Oh btw, the debt ceiling is not a real thing but the minority party always waves it around like a noose to make themselves look fiscally responsible. As if...

COULD NOT RESIST....

 It is odd that legislation that helps the wealthy is sustainable, affordable and "good for the country" but programs that support the rest of us will tank the economy and lead to entitlement. Read the opening of this sentence for the irony of that statement.

John Oliver is a British born (now an American citizen) who is not only a marvelous comedian, but a very droll and intelligent political commentator. Considering the wrangling over passing legislation that would, oh I don't know, help most Americans, he made a very astute comment which should embarrass and expose all of us. (Besides Senators Manchin and Sinema).

"I'm not sure what stage of capitalism we've reached if we're now kayaking out to a politician's yacht (Manchin's) to beg him to help the poor, but it's gotta be one of the last ones"   

LIONS, BEARS & DUMBASSES (Week of September 27)

 

As I try not to watch the Lions being decimated by the Bears (what else is new) I am reminded of a Chicago trip I took for work back in '82. Interesting to contemplate who would win a Bears/Lions altercation in the wild; it would certainly offer more action than our hapless pussy cats. Anyway I digress. I was in an all-week training in Sept/October while about six & a half months preggers. Fortunately it is a short flight back to Lansing as the flight attendants tend to hover and look nervous when one has a baby belly. I was hand carrying a packet of fresh baklava which ended up dripping honey all over my ONE pregnant lady sweater, that had to be hand-washed, due to the afore mentioned baby belly issue.

Anyway I was dutifully on the wagon due to pending Mama-dom but a group wanted to go to a country-western bar for dinner which featured a western band and long necks.  Since I don't like soda, water drinks keep me closer to my expense account anyway-win/win. As the group enjoyed their beer one was urged to get up and sing with the band.  He told them the song he was going to sing and belted out the opening line....to dead silence. It was in my head that the last thing the professional performers are looking forward to is some half in the bag wanna be singer.  Turns out they were just messing with him and he was actually not too bad.  But I think I would have picked a different song than Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay" which opens with those words making the silence that ensued doubly hilarious.

Second memorable moment from that trip was when I got back after class with a nasty headache. I trotted (waddled) down to a nearby drugstore to pick up some extra-strength Tylenol. Before taking the pills I was watching the news as they were showing the VERY drugstore I had just visited to report on the potassium cyanide-laced extra-strength tylenol bottles found there. Ahhh.  No questions asked, just dumped the entire bottle in the garbage. Angels were involved I am convinced. Oddly enough I cannot remember what the training was about but I'm sure I passed it.  

Watching all the crazy going on with the "mouthy minority" carrying on at health department and school board meetings about masks and distancing my quick takes are:  1) Children will follow your lead if you handle it calmly; 2) the silent majority is not speaking out in public as they and their families are being threatened; 3) if one child gets sick or heaven forbid, dies, I am sure these bozos will not feel they are to blame.  When did this type of behavior become the norm? Citing religion and freedom are so hypocritical, one could vomit. 

To illlustrate the ocean between viewpoints I learned of two cases this week. We have friends who are sophisticated world travelers who followed the science, got their shots, wore masks and social distanced. However, in attending a family event they contracted covid as many in their family would rather listen to facebook than their doctor or the millions worldwide who have received the shot with no problem-except they don't die. Though sick they are able to treat at home (after getting an IV infusion) but they are miserable due to other people's selfish "beliefs". This is several weeks of their life they will not get back, and possibly long-term effects.

In the second case, a couple we know believe the armchair, non-peer-reviewed dogma that says "they don't need them stinking shots". They are both quite ill, both been hospitalized though one fought the hospital as any medicine they would give him would be what killed him. Even after he became so dehydrated that he passed out, fell and hit head knocking himself unconscious he still fought the hospital. He has been hospitalized twice and is home on oxygen. So what was the point? That is a special kind of stupid and innocents are paying the price. UPDATE: The person referenced is back in ICU, untubated and heavily sedated as when anywhere near consciousness the patient fights to withdraw the breathing tubes. I don't know how it will end; and I hope he survives, but it is so sad to realize misinformation keeps leading to this awful conclusion.

Changing topics. You ever notice how every region, even every little population group, has it's dialects, including us midwesterners.  One thing I notice about Lansing Michigan is people have an aversion to pronouncing the letter "T". It's always the "Spar 'ans (Spartans) or my neighbor's boy Kea 'on (Keaton), etc.; drives me crazy. Where does the "T" go? No doubt they will all tumble out of a packing "car 'on" (carton) somewhere, someday.  Peace Out...

POST WEDDING, CHAPTER 2

 

As my daughter says "it's the little (and big) snafus that occur that make one's wedding memorable" and we all want that!  My sister's celebration had it's share of challenges but it all went beautifully and everyone had a great time. First lttle glitch was when I was in the process of transporting the bride and matron of honor to their hair/makeup appointments in Grand Rapids when I had an unexpected shoe blowup.  Old sandals decided this was the opportune moment for the sole to come apart. Trying not to upset the proverbial apple cart for the ladies I surreptitiously shuffled to keep the remaining piece intact as I escorted them back to the car. So far so good - drop them off at the hotel and remove the offending foot cover. However, snafu number two interrrupted my plan.

As we entered Muskegon proper I got a frantic call from the OH, who along with the groom, were picking up the flowers. Though I gave them a detailed list of items in the order I neglected to note the four white roses for the memorial and, of course, that is what the floral shop forgot to pack! My shoe was becoming more and more contrary but I had to stop at the flower shop to assure the entire Memorial did not have to be scrapped. Comically, I shuffled into the store praying the barely there shoe would not give up the ghost entirely. Apparently my anxiety was evident (I blamed it on a nervous bride) as the owner immediately replaced the roses, no questions asked. Though I teased the ladies by saying "sure glad I keep my handgun handy on my belt"- dead silence. People will believe anything when stressed. I was happy to turn the bride over to big Sis K to dress and entertain until the big event.

By the time I got to the party room, decorating was proceeding nicely according to my schematics, the cupcake display was being set up and a podium was draped and ready for action. Good lots of time to finish up, get dressed and head back for a few moments of peace before I start the proceedings.  However, the photographer was at my elbow wanting to know where to set up and what shots I wanted, huh? What was further jarring is the fact that she said "I've never photographed people before". Those are words to ponder. Friend of the groom who was not terribly helpful at that point. Another funny thing. That evening there was a spectacular sunset out the windows that I wanted to frame the bridal couple in front of and was rounding up the photographer.  However, apparently everyone lives on the east side of the State and had never seen a sunset before as there was a massive stampede to the dock to take pictures. I feared for the bride making it in one piece down the steps so I bellowed for clearance so she could land first.  All the pictures people took were beautiful though.

As I was fussing so much with details and questions I barely had time to go back to the hotel and change, necessitating going back to the room twice for forgotten items. Again big Sis K took over the boutonnaire decorating on our nervous little ring bearer. With both hands full going back to the hall, I caught my high heel in a crack in the dock and almost took a header.  Thank goodness for all the walking I do.Though I was clumsily flailing to the amusement of the folks having dinner on the dock, a crash was avoided. 

The ceremony had its moments. Lined up and ready to go, we realized we were missing someone - the best man. I admit I ran out of tap dance routines trying to kill time before he showed. I actually asked the groom (who was sweating bullets) if he was going to be a no-show. I heard several theories on why he was late, but he got there and I led a thunderous round of applause to be sure he knew we knew. The ring bearer, my grandson, was so solemn coming down the aisle holding the box with the rings out in front of him. He had done research and rehearsed with Nana, so he was good to go, but very nervous. That moment was forgotten as he spent the rest of the evening on the dance floor leading the entertainment.

When it was time to light the unity candle, my little speech about the meaning went by-by as I was trying to be discreet in helping the trembling bride light her fire stick. The groom's burned out and had to be lit again to much hilarity. Then when both held their fires towards the middle candle, same issue so as soon as it caught, we went with it. After the "kiss for the ages" I introduced the couple as Marcia and Greg, last name unknown.  The bride had not made up her mind yet or at least let me know.

The final faux pas was totally mine. The two things my ministerial training emphasized was 1) be sure the bridal couple clearly state their intentions (the I do's) and 2) be sure the license is duly signed and witnessed. Well poop.  At 9:00 I realized I had not done number 2!  (see the intentional pun there?) Fortunately the best man was still there though "not feeling any pain".  I dragged him over and had him sign the license just in time as he left in the morning before the rest of us were up and around. Second close call the next morning with the Matron of Honor. I was going to wait until breakfast, but something told me to have her sign it before we left the hotel. Good thing as they got lost following our convoy to the restaurant and we never saw them again LOL. So I saved myself trips to Alabama and Indianapolis respectively. 

All and all a memorable day and unmistakably Marcie and Greg's unique wedding story.

PRE-POST WEDDING - CHAPTER 1 (Week of September 20)

 

PRE -WEDDING --Working on last minute details for the wedding. Did not know it was going to be that hard locating - red vase, fire lighters, 8 1/2"x 11" decorated letterhead and certificate holders which by the way so-called stationary stores (think Hallmark) do not know what a certificate holder, portfolio or business size letterhead are. I keep getting that "deer in the headlights" look this week. I also got the blank stare and total confusion at the bank when I asked for some blank check registers. Ok the people at these places are young, but come on. I am requesting "paper" at a stationary store and bank documents at a bank. The bank teller literally did not know what a checkbook was and thought I wanted a spreadsheet. Huh? Yes, I know that office supply stores have the "paper" but they always want to sell you a bundle rather than just one. I now have the bundle.

The fire lighters story is a whole other adventure. I needed something to light the unity candle with as I am utterly hopeless using those "lighter-thingees". I can light the outer candles (with matches), but the Bride and Groom need the long sticks to light the middle candle in a more elegant manner. The OH suggested a fireplace shop would have fire-lighters which they did.  But first I wanted to check out the "Rosary Shop" as I also was looking for a cross necklace.  The friendly proprietor said "Good news, I have the sticks. Bad news they come in boxes of 500." I said I would have to hustle up a heck of a lot more business. 

 His suggestion, though, was I liberate a couple from a church. Aside: in Catholic churches there is always a corner with candles that folks can light for a special intentions, with lighting sticks.  "What? Rip off a church".  He said no, no, make a donation. Oh yeah, they have little boxes with the candles for a good faith donation.  Long story short-St Gerards got a couple of bucks and I got my fire sticks (I did wear my mask to be a little more discreet-LOL). Another interesting happening at the Rosary shop after the proprietor ascertained what church I attended. His phone rang while I was there and, not making this up, it was the priest from my church! My little liberation plan was not divulged however. 

Scripts are written and rewritten as humorous ideas keep popping in my head but I am mindful of the 4:15 bar opening. My thought is, if I keep it interesting they will forgive any time overruns. Along with the polka DJ the VP of Brunswick is now attending so maybe a bowling reference is in order...

POST WEDDING -- Well we all suvived the wedding and Mr and Mrs Schmeling are an established unit though it was touch and go for awhile. Not sure I can report it all without writing a book, so I will relay a couple of thoughts and continue on next week's blog. It's been a long weekend and I am very behind on my step count not to mention feeling all of my 69 years.  Suffice it to say, I was not only minister but also dubbed wedding planner, which meant all questions and actions fell on my head. Others helped. Music was thankfully in the capable hands of my son-in-law, the cupcake table was magnificent, Sister K took care of the bride after I delivered her coiffed and beautiful, the OH and daughter relayed my orders calmly; but the crown of responsibility weighs heavy - LOL. My five minutes of quiet time to prep my thoughts for the service went by the wayside as I ended up having to tap-dance  and improvise for 10 minutes due to a snafu with a key player.

Quick thoughts --- lovely, touching, frantic, heartfelt, oopsie moments and a whole lotta' shakin' going on. With no microphone I had to actually SPEAK UP which shocked the OH as he is always saying "What?" & claiming I mumble-not Saturday however. Several people danced their shoes off, literally and grown up people were following my grandson Joe's dance move directions -see pic.

 

In my "little" speech for the couple I mentioned all marriages are different and the rules are written for and by that couple regardless of what the rest of the world says. For instance going to bed angry IS an option so you can get enough sleep to continue the argument or.... make up. I advised the bride to throw a frozen burrito in the microwave & make dinner once in a while and to the groom I said everytime we are talking to our sister it is not all about him, well sometimes.

For some reason people totally missed the table RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR that held the guest book and the elaborate programs I had put together.  I don't know about you, but I like a playbook at an event so I can get the gist of how long and how many pieces and parts are in play before it's over.

The memorial for the parents (thanks for the idea Sue W) went very well, with a few minor "oh snaps" . I think I managed both respect and humor in memory of the Sweet and Schmeling families. My daughter lit the candles to invite them into the celebration and grandsons came up as a name was read and a little anecdote was shared for each. No tears as we are about to celebrate a wedding! I think we hit the right note.

Coming attractions -- shoe failure, missing flowers, best man snafu, cutest ring-bearer, unity candle miscalculations, fun with photos, near disaster on the dock, name game, license challenge. Hopefully you can't wait until I explain all that. I always say it's the flaws that make the wedding and also the best and most unique memories-we had our share.

Notwithstanding the importance of the bride and groom at the event, Joe turned out to be the belle of the ball nixing heading back to video games at the hotel with the other kids to hanging out with, and dancing with, all the ladies. He's going to be trouble....

WEDDING WACKIES (Week of Sept. 13)

 Since my sister and her fiance do not read my blog, I may just put some of the adventures we have had prepping for their wedding. First these two should have already celebrated their first anniversary last May, but covid had other plans.  The second date a year later met a similar fate.  So September 25th has been locked in and we're betting that 3rd time's a charm.  I fully expect something will happen but that's the fun of a wedding. The B&G have already informed me if there is further snafu-dom they will appear at my doorstep rings and intentions in hand. 

The dress I originally "gifted" the bride with did not survive lockdown and we were without a proper gown three weeks out from the nuptials! Being mature we resorted to the "any port in a storm" philosophy and Big Sis came up with a beautiful gown from a "Mother of the Bride/Groom" event.  Something borrowed right? Then I had the wedding bouquet wrapped in the lace from my original 50-year old wedding veil - something old (besides the groom -lol). New shoes and jewelry take care of number 3 and if there are any more issues, we will all be floating in the "blues". Bases covered. 

Of course it was not without drama as the dress could not be "dry-cleaned" but they could supposedly very delicately wet-clean it. Long story short, it did not come out cleaner and they managed to mangle the sparkly brooch on the skirt. But they insisted on being paid. Follow-up. When I took my dress for the wedding to be cleaned-nothing elaborate, just knit and some lace, they wanted me to sign a waiver in case they destroyed it. Wow I am not sure which is worse. Clothing that cannot ever be cleaned or cleaners who do not know how to clean clothes. Does everyone just throw away their stuff after they wear it?

As the officiant for the wedding I am finally putting together my remarks and "Game Plan" for the event.  Had a year and half to percolate, so a snap right?  Well my only directions from the B&G were non-religious and party starts at 4:15.  Oh yeah and try to throw something in there as a memorial to our  parents who have passed on.. Right-no prob. The urge to wax poetic and roast the couple is fighting the urge to get through this before another disaster strikes, or the bar opens.  The flower order and reception site have been arranged and rearranged several times and I am still thinking of last-minute issues. But with my many years of experience planning events, I know most of it works out, people don't remember what did or did not happen (especially the wedding couple) and once the party starts its all over but the memories. Oh yes, I hear the polka DJ from IHeart radio in GR will be attending so there will be a certain amount of Oom-pah pahing going on. 

On another subject, bought a new powered recliner for the lake a couple of weeks ago and needed to get rid of the old chair. Fortunately our little Orangeville township takes furniture at the transfer station twice a month. I called and found they charge $15 for a chair. 

Getting there is quite an adventure. The township hall has a huge parking area and also ball fields and humungous open space. However. The road to the dump is one-way, unpaved and tightly forested. What do you think most people are bringing to the dump? Trailers... on a one-way road...with thick forests surrounding it.  Not to mention we went down the wrong road and turned around until we met someone coming down the road who said no that's right, just keep going. After turning around and going back we met the same people who said "No, sorry, wrong road" forcing another turn-around on a very narrow road. Going down the right road we were following a truck and trailer and arrived at an open spot in the woods with no turn-around. Arrghhh. Fortunately the Goliath-sized helper just picked up the chair (that we had sweated and grunted up a ramp into the truck) and tossed it on the ground-done.  

The other grizzled dude running the show turned away and I stupidly said "I understand it's $15 to dump furniture". He grunted assent and kept his head turned as I shoved the cash into his hand.  Slapping my head later as we picked our way through the tight road back I realized nobody at the township is actually going to get my "fee".  Oh well.

Short blog today as I mentally write and rewrite the program and remarks for Saturday.....no worries.