EXERCISE THIS!

Thought I'd fill everyone in on my little cast of characters at the fitness club I hit every day. Anyone who exercises on a regular basis knows the extreme, and painful, boredom that sets in as you do your interminable reps or coast the elliptical. You try not to watch the second hand of the clock go around (much like Lamaze timing contractions) but you can't help yourself.

First I do not wear a different designer outfit each time-same old crappy black shorts a couple of black t-shirts taking turns, hair in a knot which is usually soaked by the time I get done. Unlike the matchie-matchie outfit girls with their weird ceiling-pointing pony tails and the silly band wrapped around their heads (though I've seen that particular style on the street-go figure). I just sweat into a towel I carry around. In other words by the end of 45 minutes I am generally hot, sweaty and whatever the opposite of ravishing would be but done! At which time I put my "walking" tennies back on which look absolutely identical to my gymmie shoes to walk the 10 steps to the car.

To amuse myself and stay motivated I have named several members who stand out and note their antics. Helps mollify the pain I guess. Better than dwelling on the numerous times I have been struck by bars and smacked by machines when I don't move fast enough. Always a couple of interesting bruises in odd places.

Anyway there is "Naval Contemplater". Sits at each machine like she's worshipping at a druid altar between each movement staring off into space. Consequently just taking up space and holding me up. I looked one time and there is no weight on the machine -10 lbs-piffle. So what is so fascinating between strokes? The naval obviously.

Next there is grunt thump. Over-estimates capability and lifts too much weight which results in a very disturbing grunting sound and the subsequent smash-down of the equipment (plus does not wipe down the machine afterwards- yuck).

Next are the Thumpers. They attack the treadmills like they are racing up the steps in a Rocky movie. The crashing and banging makes you wonder if the machine is coming apart. Totally drowns out the TV news I'm trying to watch. But not a problem for them because they all wear little ear thingees-no doubt cranked up to 100 decibels to ACTUALLY HEAR ABOVE THE FOOT STOMP PARADE.

On weekends we have "stinky man". OMG. As soon as you walk in the entire room smells like, well you know. Though last week stinky man smelled like cinnamon BO-perhaps in a nod to the Christmas season. Nauseating but interesting.

But the worst is Chatty Cathy. From the time she walks in until I leave it's yap yap yap yap. If I wanted to hear someone talking at that time in the morning, I'd, well I don't know, because I don't want to hear someone talking at that time in the morning. I have literally seen this person move from where she is to another machine just so she can yap yap yap to someone. Now that's just sad. Needless to say she doesn't come around me.

Of course for the sake of honesty I have to wonder how my exercising buddies refer to me....