Tuesday, April 26, 2016

The Eternal Cycle

Isn't it interesting how life plays itself out? We were the "kids" until our parents pass and we come to the reality that WE are now the "parents, matriarchs, patriarchs"; we are now in charge of the traditions and routines that constitute family. We no longer have that parachute of others' past experiences to rely upon as we move forward.  Perhaps we remember how things were done just a little differently than they were, thus moving and changing and creating the next delicious layer of our history.  We still say my Mother always said or my Father always did but they are not there to correct or undermine our perfect 20-20 hindsight. But we still feel the way we did when we were 16 or 22 or 35.  We can't be in charge - I'm not ready.  But we are.

In our 20's it is weddings we attend as we watch friends and family eagerly approach the first exciting threshold of adult life. I look back at my 19 year old self and realize how young I was and naïve, but fortunately I didn't know it at the time so no harm done.  Well none lasting I assume. I always have the philosophy, Ok you've never done this before so just forge ahead like you know what you're doing and get through whatever it is.  People rarely call you on it if you are bold and confident plus it stiffens your spine and makes you look like you've got this.  Though they would not admit it, in my experience most just want someone to make the decisions and direct actions. However they will also consider you bossy and aggressive. So be it.

In our late 20's and 30's it's about babies and careers.  Both coming at once and both demanding your attention 24/7.  Fortunately you're strong at that age and as long as you don't know trying to balance all the tasks required is quite impossible it works.

40's and 50's are all about friends and family graduations and their children starting to marry. It's a time where some compare where they are with others usually to their disappointment. It's a time when you start looking to your future security, either cursing your lack of preparation or continuing to lay your golden pots in line to sustain a comfortable retirement.  It should also be a time of great influence and respect. You have paid your dues; you understand how the system works; your political opinions are active, and noisy. You can argue most positions and have enough experience to understand things are not always the black and white you believed when you were young and tender.  Unfortunately some folks never get past that stage regardless of age and experience which is sad but also may explain the inflexibility and prejudice displayed by those who should know better.

The 60's are the years when often when our parents start to falter and fail and we fear for their continued existence coupled with the incredible joy of grandchildren starting to arrive.  We buffer our worries from our children so that they can enjoy this exciting and busy time in their lives  filled with children and careers as we know the energy that takes. It is also a time when we have much to teach but are often ignored as being too old to actually understand the reality of now. One can only chuckle and realize we were guilty of the same when we were younger.  We bury our parents and lament, "I'm not ready", "I am still your child", "I still need your loving acceptance and advice" "How can I be the advisor for myself and others without your support"?  

But the beauty of the system is that we are ready and, as always has been since the beginning, we will carry our own until they are ready as well.

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