"Sometimes the spray is so strong I think it's going to blow me off the toilet".
COURTING CANDY. Got my call to Federal Court jury duty and that was part of a scintillating conversation the jurors were having on one of our breaks. As we were cautioned not to discuss the case until it was turned over for deliberations, fourteen people tend to travel down varied and exotic conversational trails. I am not sure what preceded the statement, but I immediately wrote it down. Oh yes, we were talking about a do-it-yourself install of a bidet. Apparently, you engage reusable wiping cloths after the deed or just drip dry. It wasn't clear about that.
To eliminate suspense - we knew he was a scumbag, but we found him "not guilty" anyway. It was only a one-day trial as no witnesses were put on by the defense including the defendant. However, the prosecution did not do their job in providing any documents, video or paperwork to back up the claims made by the po-po and ATF to corroborate "he said". Yep. They presented a lot of evidence showing he was a legitimate scumbag with multiple arrests and incarcerations, but just knowing one is a scumbag does not eliminate the need for, what do you call it, evidence. I wanted to tell the smiling (eyes only with mask) defense attorney "hope he's got you on a retainer" because this dude is going to "f" up again real soon - caught a break. The expression on the prosecuting attorney's face (eye guess again) however, was very puzzled. I wonder if she attended the same trial we did.
No pictures of the gun and illegal ammo where it was found (not taken); no video of the arrest and statements made (not kept). As an ex-personnel director, not even having the piece of paper "that the defendant signed" proving he understood he was a SB (felon) and guns and ammo are not to be found in his immediate vicinity was the clincher. HR people live and die by signed forms. Quite a bit of testimony ensued resulting in the belief that the ammo was purchased out of State and brought in. News to me that you can only buy Michigan ammo in Michigan? Anyway, I missed part of the ATF's monotone explanation of why it was a federal crime as I realized I was picturing my grandmother's house and went "oh Shi---" I'm asleep. I quickly covered (I hope) by jotting a note on my notepad. Not sure if that constitutes a mistrial but the lady next to me said she didn't notice which is a miracle in itself as I tend to jerk/snort as I'm falling asleep in an upright position on a chair or in a car, etc. Comfy chairs and a whole "lotta sitting" going on all day.
They don't give you lunch, but they do pay you mileage, parking and $50; and I wasn't doing anything important anyway that day except finishing and submitting my taxes... But I'm glad I had the opportunity and I have to admit the system works. The judge came in to talk with us afterwards and to answer any questions. She said she always tells young lawyers not to be too cocky when they think they have the case in the bag. They may know all the facts as they eat it, drink it and lose sleep over it, but the jury will surprise you. We can only react to what we hear in the courtroom and boy do they make that point over and over and over. This one lady begged to be the foreperson because I think she wanted to be the "Law and Order" person who gets to read the verdict, so I tried to be more subtle in controlling the group as we held discussions, lol. We had 8 for not guilty and 4 for guilty (has to be unanimous in a felony). We all got there, and no one cried so that's a good day.
In the voir dire (questions from judge & attorneys) one potential juror said she just moved here from New York, and she not only was a victim of a crime/s but she hated the police. Thank you Ma'am, you're excused. Way to get on with your day quickly. Some working people probably were cussing they didn't think of that.
JOEISM & DEJA VU Though we haven't heard actual particulars around the move, Joe had an interesting story to tell us on his snow day this week (seems like they're coming every week). He said his teacher moved the classroom desks around to create three sides of a square with his desk smack in the middle - no partners as he put it. To a person (shame on us) we said, "was it because you are talking too much?" I'm sure there is more to the story, but we all know our social butterfly who is the one who gets busted as he does not know how to whisper. I told him when I was in 3rd grade there were not enough desks, so I had to sit at one right next to the teacher facing the class. She would often have me read to the class when she was busy. Not a talker in grammar school (I know, right?) I did get in trouble once in that class as I liked to "slip into" the teacher's chair to the great amusement of the class. Not funny apparently. Punishment was sitting out in the hall for a few minutes praying no one you know sees you at the "wall of shame". Kind of like when you get stopped by the police for a traffic violation with all the spinning lights heralding your fall from grace.
All and all not a bad week after finally nailing down my panel for my Sunday podcast. Hope I remember how to do this. The performance anxiety kicking in seems about right so.. Peace out.....
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