HOLIDAY FUN (123123)

HAPPY NYE I just pulled a lemon meringue pie out of the oven. Perfect toasty hue to the creamy meringue; and beautifully aromatic. Hope people like lots and lots of meringue as I used the wrong-sized pie pan which meant my prepared crust took a steep dive on one side as it baked. Hmmm 9 inch and 11 inch apparently make a difference.  Hopefully it is not a harbinger of 2024, but as it is technically still 2023, we leave all negativity in the past and break into a waltz 1-2-3, 1-2-3.  

Christmas was successfully hosted by the daughter and son-in-law, also hopefully a harbinger of the future. He chose to make lasagna from scratch, artfully seasoned garlic toast, grape salad and an interesting crab dip. We supplied other "horse douvers" (as Dad used to say) and many brought desserts. Needless to say, but I will anyway, we were all too stuffed to tango which was fine as football was on tap with the LIONS winning their division! We shall gloss over last night's (Dec. 30) screwed up finale. After 29 years, number three seed and home field advantage is just fine. 

NOW WHAT? As I cannot go any length of time without an appliance issue the large television in the great room took a nap. After an hour working through Verizon online, I finally convinced them to send a technician- geez for what we pay...We were hoping to get a new box out of it. Anyway, what's the serial number they ask? Impossible to see as it is against the wall and surrounded by Mary, Joseph and a cast of thousands in the Nativity scene. Sh---ske. After a plastercide (figurines) massacre, magnifying glass and flashlight, numbers were obtained (right or wrong as we guessed). Repairs elusive either way. 

After scheduling the tech to show up that evening they could not resist and had their "Advance Technical Team" call. Possibly more frustrating than the online dance as they hung up on me three times over the course of an hour. Finally, someone had the bright idea to unplug the whole system and plug it back in...anti-climactic to say the least, but TADA it worked. Many swear words ensued. Oh final note, they apparently upped my bill again this month. Thanks!

I AM NOT A SPY Retired folks, if you play it right, are the eyes and ears of the subdivision whether people appreciate our fascination with comings, goings, deliveries, service people, daylight robberies, etc. We are just being protective. The binoculars are only there to ascertain friend or foe. Actually, if I didn't text the neighbor when the power comes on, they would be running their generator (which comes on automatically) forever. Ours is set up so certain lights come back on whether the generator is hooked up or not. Anyway, Thursdays are especially thrilling as that is garbage day. 

Those automatic armed rolling dumpsters are fascinating to watch. In my stint at the City, we had to do it the old-fashioned way, by hand, jumping in and out of the truck at each stop. Often performed without bringing the truck to a complete stop before leaping as was demonstrated when a civilian was almost run over. I found the UAW reps also tend to scream unfair when one is investigating "could this near-miss have been avoided?" All these old stories are leading me to a topic for an interview I am planning to do live at the Safety Conference. A couple of old geezers discussing the early days of being Safety skates. My next interviewee offered it as a topic with himself playing the title role. Little does he know I'm probably more "geezer-aged" than he is, hence, more stories. 

LIFE WITH JP With two long weeks of freedom, we gave his folks a break and took JP bowling and lunch. He is especially fond of Chicken Alfredo and usually his lunch is more expensive than ours. Though he does take half home.  I told him Stouffers probably makes a frozen variety and he immediately looked it up on his phone. He then informed me he would be most pleased if we could stock it for him when he visits. Nana's restaurant - we aim to please.

We then took him to the infamous (in Lansing) Preuss Pet Store which specializes in the more exotic types -no not lions and tigers just not kittens and puppies. Exotic birds, fish, lizards, spiders. JP was in heaven. He was so eager to talk to the employees and made the circuit around the store at least five times. In some cases he knew as much as they did and I learned quite a bit as he pointed out different species of birds and fish. Outside of musical comedy this is definitely his calling. 

My back gave out, of course, and there was no place to sit as the place is jam-packed with creatures, food and creature comforts. Actually, I would be afraid to sit anywhere in there, if you get my drift. The smell was tremendous, but one gets used to it.  So Grandpa took over after the first half-hour, and I sat in the car. Going to try the chiropractor route this week and see where it goes as the present state of physical shortcomings is not acceptable.

JP finished out the day trying out his new targets with the BB gun he "found" in the basement and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am a little concerned if he ever hits a "varmint" accidently. He says he wants to hunt, but I wonder. 

 I am showing the model and my version so go ahead and laugh. It was posted on FB so my anonymity has been busted at any rate.   Peace out....💚  💙💛

SAFETY FIRST & OTHER PLATITUDES (Dec 18)

HOME WOES Being a homeowner (or multiple homeowner) has its moments. Outside of mortgages, taxes, upkeep there are the inevitable Surprise! moments. Like the temperamental dishwasher at the lake house. Sometimes she works and sometimes she doesn't. I use the feminine persuasion as I am the anointed dishwasher in the family a task I am happy to perform as I do not do the cooking. Works well. This week the GFI for the stove (Grand Ledge) kicked in twice. As I learned in my electrical classes-once a fluke, twice ruh oh. However, I could not get an appointment for a week so it's outside dining or microwaveable entrees. Whoo hoo!

Due to a cancellation the very next day (similar to the WHAM Last Christmas song) we were able to gift the electrician $200 to find NOTHING WRONG, of course. Meanwhile the stove is chuckling at our frustration.  Also, no problems with the external box we had installed that works with the fancy-pants generator that did not work at the last power outage. Generator worked fine but no power. It is not our imagination; machines and AI are taking over, and we are just letting it happen. Had him replace the GFI anyway, which on a gas stove pretty much works the clock and got assurances they would come back-no charge-if either played dead again.  Right. The OH gets frustrated that I insist on "safety first" with these episodes, but 40 years of education leaves its mark. And it's always expensive. Oh I get why management hated to see me coming, hmmm. 

Though interestingly enough the electrician knew one of the ladies who was the first female to go through the BWL's apprenticeship electrical program. A time I remember well as the other female apprentice quit as the guys were pretty tough on them even though I explained that is part of being a "grunt" (ground person). However, based on my experiences and later when female firefighters were hired at the city, some men do up the ante on females treading their hallowed ground. The electrician described this successful female as being tough as nails - which is kind of a necessary skill in male-dominated professions which explains why I have been called that and worse in my career. No fainting flowers or terrified tissues here. Not over-reacting when the Teamster President starts banging his chair on the floor (literally) as he is screaming about something is a real skill set. 

THE PLAY'S THE THING (credit to Hamlet) Happier thoughts. JP was being dramatic over something during our twice weekly phone call after school and I said he should definitely look into drama club when he has the chance. Though the boy loves an audience and performs without prompting, he said he would be worried he would forget his lines. I performed in a couple of productions in high school and told him about missing lines. The guy playing opposite would always muff a particular line just before mine, so I was ready when the inevitable pause occurred. After a brief wait, I started my part with "I know what you're going to say...." I was complimented roundly for saving the scene but, hey that's what rehearsals are for. I also got to throw water on him in the final scene so all good. Drew a gasp from the audience every time. I toyed with theater classes in college but life intervened and making a living seemed more important. Though having experience covering awkward pauses has been helpful with my podcasts. And people wonder why I insist on a run-through (think rehearsal) before we actually record. With little opportunity, personnel or time to do extensive editing "getting the take" in one is of paramount importance. 

DEATH OF INNOCENCE As I rant occasionally...on politics I was reminded the other day that one of my first professional jobs was editing a newsletter called "Washington Watch" which later became the "Washington Spectator" written by journalist Tristram Coffin. He was a liberal democrat with strong opposition to the Viet Nam war and his day job was as a political reporter covering the White House for ABC & CBS. I enjoyed our conversations where my tiny role was to tell him where I thought he should cut his copy to meet the printing guidelines.  Which meant I had to digest his opinion in the piece and suggest where we could cut and still make sense. That probably influenced my attempted organization of the mail room to support my first ever Presidential vote for McGovern. Well, we all know how the Nixon experiment played out. I did my part. Seemed so simple to hold the bad dudes accountable back then.

ONE WEEK TO GO On a different note, presents are wrapped; decorating is done and a..gasp...artificial tree is in place. As the daughter is hosting the Christmas dinner this year we toned it down a bit. She and her husband are breaking with the traditional meal and providing an alternative with an Italian flair. 

Funny how disjointed memories pop up this time of year. Going to California to visit my brother at his Marine base one Christmas; being broke and having about $50 to spend two months after our wedding and a tiny little blue lit tree; shopping with Mother at Meijers when I hosted my first Christmas dinner and everybody coming down with the flu the next day (I went first); my daughter's first Christmas when it was 65 degrees; that Christmas after Mother passed with the Sweet sisters sadly taking on her duties; but then believing in Santa again with my grandson as we made our cookies for Santa and waiting impatiently for him to get up so we could celebrate. Peace out....💚  💛💙

                                                     

BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE, ETC ETC (December 11)

December 11 - my daughter's birthday. Still remember that night when we were hosting staff at the old Playboy Club, and I had a small glass of wine after abstinence for nine months. Heck she wasn't due until the 12th.  Well, I enjoyed that wine coming back the other way along with dinner later that night. Marvelous and dramatic entrance of this sweet little dark-haired girl after we kicked everybody out of the house as apparently, we had other plans.  As part of the celebration for her birthday this year we had a busy weekend with JP leaving his folks to cope as best they could for two days. (LOL)

Ended Sunday night at a nice Christmas Concert and visiting with friends. I attempted chocolate covered sugar flavored pretzel sticks. Sounds easy; the recipes noted easy; the time listed for prep five minutes. Well, an hour later with chocolate refusing to melt into any recognizable fluid I started troweling said chocolate onto the sticks, throwing candy cane chunks and colored sugar on them praying something would stick. JP asked me what the heck I was doing and why was I throwing sugary crumbles everywhere. He did guinea pig for me and said they were nice and chocolaty, so tentative win and people ate them. I was much more successful with the lemon meringue pie I made - everybody likes lemon pie. 

Very social week meeting Board of Water & Light folks for lunch one day and MIOSHA folks the next day. Used to show pics of our children, now it's grandchildren. I am going to be interviewed for the BWL quarterly magazine as the author has reached my letter of the alphabet "I" in retirees. This prompted stories which they had never heard so apparently some things will not now go to my grave. The only currently working person from the MIOSHA gang arrived two hours late, but we were still yapping so no problem. 

Also obtained a quote for a new kitchen floor as it cannot be repaired-ouch. Continuing the reno mode I had someone look at the perpetually difficult sliding doors as long as we were doing one expensive thing-why not. Though showing many flattering reviews, the door guy was a non-stop high energy talker who left no room for interruption or questions, though we persisted. Several references to their work costs more, people will cheap out on a lower bid and ending with we seemed to be highly intelligent people who would know the difference. Final red flag was they could not guarantee a start date for six months. We do not "cheap out" but this one had unflattering sucker written all over it and we have been down that road before. Like the tile guy not knowing how to lay a pattern so I had to figure it out, creating an impasse at an impossible stage of remodel which required us to pay an inflated price for drywall and then handing me the caulking gun at the end saying they didn't have time to caulk everything. Guess we can live with the stubborn door for another forty years. 

As it came up in the get-together last night fresh outrage at the Atty Gen of Texas ignoring a court order for a woman to get a medically necessary abortion by threatening the hospitals in the area and her husband. This is a desired child who will most likely pass painfully at birth and probably render the woman incapable of having more children. Threats from a GA who was indicted by his own staff for dishonesty, bribes, etc. This has to be a decision between a woman and her doctor; again, why do conservatives always claim we are taking their freedom away? 

With two physician appointments this week I was faced with the inevitable blood tests. I always cautioned retiring staff to not take the 7 am or 12 noon appointments. Leave them for the working stiff. Boy I could not be more wrong. Arriving at 6:45 I had at least an hour's wait as the room was filled with us retirees. I know my problem is I'm always up early and I can't take my pain meds until I have something to eat and I've been fasting...... oh, right. Explains why my employees always seemed to take a half day for doctor appointments plus they got paid for sick leave. I actually don't recall seeing anyone under 60, which means several calls for the next patient as some of us can't hear either. The other fun part is that Medicare forces a nurse assessment of what level of gaga (technical term) you are once a year.  Give me the three words, draw the clock, though I could misbehave by drawing a digital clock, and stay out of my personal business. My assessment takes about 5 minutes. 

JP discovered his Mom's old BB gun in the basement and was eager to try it out. Took some effort and strategy to be able to cock it, but he persevered. (Yep a Red Ryder) Finally, he was able to hit the broad side of a tree and used up all the bb's in the rifle. He then expressed an interest in bagging a squirrel or chipmunk who wreak havoc around the foundation of the house and attack the bird feeders, but I'm not buying it. This is the same boy who took one of those creepy-crawlers that like to slide inside this time of year gently off my cupboard and put him outside with apologies to said bug. Peace out... 💚 💙💛

                                                               

RAMBLINGS (December 4)

Apparently, I have not started my Christmas rehab soon enough for my housecleaner. I still believe they have too much time on their hands as the last couple of visits they have explored and found holiday items to display. Is it too much to want to determine my own schedule for holiday change-outs? I only have so many door wreaths and a specific date for replacement. A new door wreath signals the seasonal transition of door-bathroom-dining room with specific objects for each, right down to the tablecloth. Retired people have their rituals. I have broken their habit of putting things in different places. Odd how one little thing out of it's usual dusty spot makes me anxious. Although I am not a fanatic about it, nor am I married to my house, I do enjoy my little decorating whimsey which does not need once a month transients disturbing the symmetry. I expect to see elves on the shelves after they've dusted at some point, but at least they don't get into the booze. Though placement after inebriation could be fun. 

In the hapless journey to better living through chemistry I went for a second shot. No sedation just point and stab. Regrettably, this one went deeper and longer than the last one. However, my curling fingers on the table were the only indicator that I was writhing in pain and two strokes away from drop kicking Dr. Demento across the room. Through gritted teeth I told him we had to stop meeting this way to everyone's amusement. Of course it's always fun and games until someone gets a derriere full of steroids. Some improvement, but so far standing and walking long distances is elusive. Fortunately, the new knee is working which has become a minor player in this scenario. I do miss shopping and have become an online consumer of late.

When dealing with a handicap, one has to get creative on errands, parking and socializing plus I am definitely less judgmental of folks sporting their "wheelie" card (handicap sticker). Convenient drop-off points and finding something to lean on have become increasingly important to my mobility. My strength of will is outmatched by the spinal stenosis, but I keep pushing. I hate to be told no. Which begs the question; is it counter-productive to push past a certain point or is one just building endurance?

I am no athlete but watching Tiger Woods come back and play golf after his horrendous accident (plus millions in medical and rehab) and Aaron Rogers tearing his Achilles tendon and back at practice a few months later (though probably won't play) how much is mental? There is no question that talent lies in the mind and heart which explains how so many athletes can perform even after injury. The assumption of 100% recovery also plays a role as I found out at my six-week check-up for my knee. My recovery has earned me no rechecks for a year, though they normally check their work after six months. Failure was not an option, though I wondered those first couple of weeks as I complained and whined (WINED) through all my physical therapy. But I had too many examples of good recovery and support from friends and family as well to think otherwise.  

Isn't it funny that as you get older no one asks you what your favorite dinosaur is anymore? That is the calling card of every little person whose fascination with big scary beasts I find puzzling. Apparently they are less frightening than what lurks under the bed.- whom I believe never really go away actually. Just a warm, or cold, body to share the insomnia. Peace out....💚 💙💛

                                                           

                                                      

 

DOGGEREL (November 27)

MY FAVORITE DOG This week had its highs and lows-that's life. Began by saying good-by to our grand-dog Zoe. She was two years older than JP and though Dad's dog, she was always protective of the boy and a companion when he came home from school. Animals keep you from looking crazy when you hold those one-way conversations. Brittany's are affectionate and loyal, but this girl went above and beyond showing herself as the perfect lady no matter the circumstances. I often said her master could be eating steak two feet from her nose and she would never lower herself to beg but patiently waited until the treat was offered. 

LIFE WITH JP As school was out for the week, we had the pleasure of the boy's company for two days (plus the time that Zoe was put down). His new bowling name is JPawesome which I pronounced J- Pawsome to his amusement. He was nailing the strikes, so he was happy. However the bowling pro said his beginner ball would probably only fit for about another month - hint, hint. Lunched at one of his favorites as he can order chicken alfredo from the kid's menu (one of the few places he is interested in seeing a baby menu).

I am not sure where the bartenders of today are getting their training. Apparently, they can only pour wine, beer or bubble gum drinks. Upon requesting a vodka gimlet (usually made with gin) I got blank stares. I explained it's simple composition-vodka & lime juice, shaken not on the rocks. The bartender then said he had no cocktail glasses unless I wanted a martini glass but no stems. Ok-now I'm confused. At any rate he had to go to his "bartender book" to make it; I'm not kidding.  This exchange prompted JP's grasshopper bar joke. Again, the bartender has apparently never heard of this drink either though the waiter though it was hilarious as he dragged the hapless barkeep over to hear it. Then we had to explain it- geez. At this point JP was confused as well. Hey, the OH and I get our chuckles where we can. I'm notorious for ordering vodka gimlets and the accompanying explanation. As the daughter of a man who's bartended as a side gig we know our booze.

DIGRESS:  The last statement reminds me of a Dad story. He had explained that top shelf liquor was the "name" stuff and the bar's regular stock was fine. To prove my superior knowledge that better liquor tastes better I ordered him Bombay instead of whatever bar swill he was drinking. He was right-he found no difference. However as he and I proceeded to finish off the evening with more than one drink at more than one establishment it was clear that they all work to create equal amounts of inebriation (we had a designated driver). Found out the VFW sells $1 beers which I found to be a mistake later in the evening, and the next morning when I had to do a safety presentation to a construction group....So those dudes that are trying to impress with their fancy Tanqueray, Goose's and Crown it all ends up the same. With the exception of Crown on the rocks of course. If you mix, it all works, like whiskey and squirt don't fall for the upgrade. There's a subliminal message when they only display the fancy stuff on the "top shelf" lol. Thanks Dad. 

TURKEY TROTS Enjoyed two turkey days at two different locations over three days. Well, I have two houses and multiple family groups. Although the turkey was not, I was literally stuffed. We gave up on stuffing the bird long ago and just make the dressing without inner bird assistance. Less messy and gravy covers all. Now time to get creative with leftovers though we gave away as much as possible. I'm afraid my massive weight loss after surgery has been undermined especially as we were mainlining Redi-Whip directly to the mouth without benefit of dessert. Which reminds me of Mom as the practice started one Christmas when someone did not want to wait. 

On the negative side this week, my sis's KIA became the latest victim to the KIA ragers that snagged it right out of their driveway and proceeded to wreck it-to a point. BUT, the week ended with her joy at the brand-new KIA she received on Friday which may not have ever happened without the initial tragedy. Things happen for a reason; Karma's a bitch; when a door closes a window opens, etc. etc. 

LIFE WITH JP 2.0 In this JP-packed week he had a chance to share some 5th grader stories. For instance, he is not the class clown, surprise. As he tends to unconsciously sing during study time and has to be reminded to lower the decibel level, he is known as the crazy class singer which is apparently a positive with his peers.  Well, could be called worse I suppose. Also, after the bartender debacle at Appleby's the other day he has determined he wants to be a bartender/comedian. Already has his first joke when he serves Angry Orchard as he will claim it's made from crabapples. The boy has a future. 

Oh yeah, Michigan beat OSU, the only time I vote blue. BTW the blue & yellow hearts I use are for Ukraine not the Har-by boys prefaced by MSU green.   Peace out.....💚  💙💛

                                                                

THE SHOW GOES ON (November 20)

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF D.C.  "Sit down. Sit down. You're a United States Senator." Who would have thought ancient "socialist" Bernie Sanders would have to break up an MMA fight in the middle of a Congressional hearing? This is where the monkey show has taken us folks. At least Senator Sanders wasn't wearing mittens as he waved his hand around. I don't even blame the Teamsters President for accepting the challenge to fight as the Oklahoma Senator claimed his people elected him to apparently "respond with violence". But one thinks the Teamsters may not be the smartest group to "piss off" unless you like "swimming with the fishes" plus they love confrontation LOL. Points to the dude from Massachusetts. 

MISCELLANEOUS Well apparently "de-leafing" is done for the season. There are two stubborn trees who grip their bright yellow buddies until the last hung is dog. Wind, rain, hail do not detract them from their role of leaf hoarder extraordinaire. After years of gathering, bagging and dumping, we have finally joined the mulch brigade which merely requires a blade set to crunch and munch once a week resulting in a healthier lawn in the Spring. Even cleaned up the lake lawn with yours truly wielding a rake for a time. Surprisingly that did not trigger the back pain - only a nice comfy bed holds that dubious honor.  

The Sweet sisters managed to pull off a multi-birthday celebration lunch this week with the eight of us pretty much taking over the restaurant. But we tip well. Big Sis provided cupcakes for the honorees, and I splurged on a dozen infamous Crumbl Cookies. Note to self: they are not that good a day or two later. I guess it's all about the prestige of the brand. As long as we avoid politics or "rising to the bait" we have a great time. Odd fact: the OH and all three of my brothers-in-law are left-handed; the ladies are right-handed and the kids are a mix. 

EVENTS Watching Silver Bells in the City the other night made me recall my days at the City where we had front row seats to the spectacle with my fourth-floor office facing the Capital. We would put on our own "mocktail" party which apparently food-wise was better than the mayor's soiree (his words). Not too many know the number of faux pas' that occur when planning a big event, but you soon realize the attendees will never know what they're missing. I had the dubious honor of planning the first BWL employee picnic and, unfortunately was also tapped to organize the City Employee Recognition events until I left. I privately would not have attended these events (too much employee interaction in my job) if I wasn't running the darn things.

The BWL picnic hosted tours, a fishing tournament and line worker rodeo. I also had to confiscate these incredibly cute and detailed posters we were giving to the kids that depicted a cartoonish and colorful downtown map. However, they also depicted two dogs going at it in an alley - a small but significant oops. As a collector's item I did keep a couple... for research of course. You'd think I was trying to make kids read "The Diary of Ann Frank" from the parent reaction, who of course wondered if there were any extra copies after I threw them away.

The City event was not funded in advance the first year, so all the Directors had to canvass for donations. I said I would do anything but ask strangers for money. Be careful what you wish for.  Fortunately, I never stopped to realize the enormity of organizing a 300-600 person (never knew how many would show up) outdoor event providing food, activities and entertainment. I did have some dedicated workers who were a lot more social and came up with and coordinated the entertainment ideas. But it did teach me how to delegate (or die) to any stray body I could commandeer. If you act like you know what you're doing and bark orders, it works. Also learned to take complaints and criticisms during the event in stride knowing nothing was going to change but thanks for playing; smile, nod, wink-wink. 

The second year, upon instruction to use a particular vendor, I slowly came to the realization they had never catered an event of this size before. Which was discovered as people were lined up for food and waiting and waiting and waiting. The vendor cried to me "those teenage boys are taking more than one chicken leg!" Well a big duh to you lady. I think we had a lot of desserts that year from a different vendor so crisis (or salmonella averted). On the positive side the daughter got to try out all the activities ahead of everyone as her reward for working with me all day. And I preserved the HR department reputation by knocking out the Public Service Director in Sumo wrestling. When you're smaller a good offense will prevail.

PODLAND Got another podcast in the can last week and a couple more in the "waiting room". My hope is to knock off as many as I can so I can take a break. Our Executive Director for the Conference is an amazing workaholic. When I tuned into ZOOM before the recording, she revealed she was recording from the hospital as she had been admitted a couple days before. I assured her a postponement was entirely understandable and she did have staff, but she said she felt great and was working away. We do not argue with our leader. I thought I was bad taking work into doctor's appointments as they are always running late, but that is a whole new level of dedication. A toast to all those who keep the machines running!   Peace Out....💚 💙💛

SCORPIO TIMES (NOV 13)

PROGRESS OR LACK THEREOF REPORT Well much to my consternation in the chicken coops apparently my remedial shot in the back was met with chuckles and derision by said backside. In other words - not effective. Just muddling through is getting old. On the plus side, my knee is doing well and the scar is past the "ick" stage. Surgeon was pleased though he should watch all that personal back patting or he will pop a rotator cuff. He referred me to his "favorite" orthopedic back surgeon who speedily set up an appointment for, wait for it, March 6, 2024! At least his name is funny Winkelpleck. I can only imagine how that type of speedy treatment works for folks truly bedridden or unmotivated. I think we may need to look a little further or maybe it's just an indication that this area is full of orthopedic challenged "older" people. 

RUMP EFFECT Considering the craziness of the times one can only marvel at the lack of intelligence unleashed over the last several years prefaced of course with, if you don't like the outcome do not accept it-facts be damned. Ohio GOOP, after two solid rejections by its citizens to curtail women's rights is now trying to circumvent judicial oversight to cases brought before them related to abortion. Huh? Michigan GOOP is trying to impeach the Attorney General for indicting "confessed" fake electors for the 2020 Presidential election. 2nd huh? And oh joy this year marks the largest amount of vaccine exemptions granted. So, polio, etc. formerly eradicated, will now have a chance to regroup. Too bad for the naturally immune compromised folks who get exposed. How Christian of you'all.

 For those who think the courts are not treating the ex-prez with respect how many of us would get away with threatening and name-calling of the judge FROM THE WITNESS STAND and not be thrown into jail for contempt of court.  Apparently there is no respect, decorum or class anywhere in the GOOP world. This is not normal people.

IRRITAING WORDS & FUN STATEMENTS Veggies, kiddos, sus, bae to name a few that seem to be common vernacular. "Furious Ohio goop reports widespread incidents of women voting." "How do we flush an unflushable turd?"  A family claiming to be financial/business geniuses apparently do not know how their business works when questioned under oath. "Old age has slowed me down but hasn't shut me up." Fun stuff.

Speaking of jeans. You know the ones that are grossly ripped apart upon purchase yet costing an arm and two legs. Do you suppose the jean factory has people assigned to create those big holes? Through wear, scissors or just a lot of "oops" moments? Aren't the wearers going to be cold and wet? And what stops them from completely ripping apart? In college it was a badge of honor to wear your frayed bell bottoms mostly because you spent your extra cash on wine and pot. Not to mention to be truly cool one's hem needed to drag on the floor. Ok - guess we were just as dumb then about abused clothing. 

                                                

PERSONAL STUFF We were taken out to lunch by the daughter and grandson for my birthday and I actually, miracle, accepted a 20-minute wait time as apparently everyone on the west side chose that restaurant for the holiday. Though we did hear some mumbling about "state workers" getting the day off cluttering up things. Of course, JP was dramatically dying of hunger and his Mom and Nana didn't carry crackers-note to self. I was shamelessly willing to use my handicap sticker but a parking spot in front of the door was amazingly available. K pointed out that the advantage of us driving was to enjoy the elevated status.  I keep forgetting I have the wheelie card for a couple of months, though actually most handicap spaces are already filled when I get anywhere. There's a lot of us apparently though it makes you wonder how and why we are so mobile. 

One advantage of sleeping in fits and starts is that I remember a lot of dreams as I never seem to get past the REM stage as a shift in position triggers a painful wakeup call. A lot of people from my past (alive and otherwise) and strange scenarios, many focused around being late and having to use the bathroom. Some are actual full stories where I am back in school, teaching a class or working a job. I'd be fascinated rather than irritated if I actually got any restorative sleep, but then I wouldn't remember them...Peace out 💚💙💛

DINOSAURS AND LUBRICANT (Nov 6)

 PROGRESS REPORT - Alleluia - pain doc immediately scheduled one of those epidural shots in my much mis-aligned spine - good news. Bad new-it got postponed for two days meaning no pain meds for three days. I was definitely a candidate as I stumbled into the office bent over like a drunken pretzel to get my "fix". "You need sedation?" "I'm at a 7 pain level so no, I don't need no stinkin' sedation, stab away". Face buried in the massage-type table we were all having a little chit chat before the procedure. As my answers were mumbled into my mattress hole the nurses translated. They are polite about one's tattoos and very gentle as they pull your stretchy pants down to your "bu-tocks" crack. "Wiggle your foot around" conjuring images of possible paralysis, but at a 7 level one simply does not care. Took two of them to walk me back to my chair afterwards though. Not sure what they do with the ones who need knock-out juice. I rewarded myself with a multi-grain pancake at "Flap Jack Shack" afterwards. I now sleep, but PT is postponed, and the "cure" is not quite all the way-fingers crossed. 

POLITICS. Don't want to go there, but there is so much to wade through last week. Another mass shooting with no red flag laws and ample warnings from all around about the shooter and congress says nothing they can do except pray. Ahem - actually they are the ONLY ones who can change the laws. How can they be so out of touch with the majority of Americans who favor some sensible gun laws, women's choice and marriage equality? Who the hell do they represent? 

Remembering the horror when JFK, a Catholic was elected President as apparently, he would be controlled by the Pope, one can only be gob smacked by the House electing a man who actively tried to overthrow a legitimate election; who wants to rule by the Bible; has no knowledge of science or logic (God given) and loves putting dinosaurs and cavemen together. Whatever happened to religious freedom and there being more than one way to love your God/gods. Where will the snake lovers go to be accepted? Plus after the speaker says he takes his world view from the Bible, I guess we will see legislation banning seafood and pork and go from there. The possibilities are endless. 

Of course, our favorite crime family were all brought into Court to explain "I know nothing and I can prove it" while the chief "unflushable" claims threatening witnesses and attacking a judge and staff is protected free speech. Maybe it's just me, but what does that have to do with the ability to campaign where one talks about issues, etc. 

FURTHER FUN  Actually, walked mighty Meijers using the cart as my cane - less mayhem and injuries to unwary shoppers that way. I am phasing strenuous exercise back to protect and encourage my precious supply of spine juice to do its job but did three loads of laundry with the accompanying upstairs and downstairs that required. Downtime consists of hanging my new knee by the ankle so as to allow gravity to pull the hamstring down to match the "good" knee. There are many nuances to recovery they don't really explain very well. Dancinig is out, but trying to walk on my toes gets extra points in PT. 

Recorded my second podcast on cannabis by interviewing the retail side and just completed a draft script for the next program on agricultural injuries and fatality investigations. One thing I can say about the series - they are diverse! I was discussing the need for the podcast committee to "vette" potential interviewees to save me some time. Our Executive Director said (I'm sure she thought it was a compliment) "nobody wants to do what you do".  LOL. 

                                                               

ALL HALLOWS After the cruel postponement of my spine tingler; I was too sore to ride to the lake for our annual candy and a shot for the neighbors. I am sure we were missed. Saw only about 15 or 20 folks here so LOTS of candy left over which the OH immediately put into a bowl in plain sight. Not the best plan for healthy weight maintenance. Apparently, I am too weak to put it in a less conspicuous place or something. The boy went as a "nasty" Harlequin, I believe.  Peace out...💚👺  💙💛

HAPPY HALLOWEEN (Oct 30)

PROGRESS REPORT What is the proper attire for physical therapy. Much as I hate to admit it, many of the patients I observe are my age or older however, it is the middle of the day. I have seen everything from Daisy Dukes to a fully rhinetstoned pants suit. I opted for freedom of movement and covering my still interesting yet cringe-worthy battle scars. The staff is young, toned and energetic in the most part. No I can't, yes you can is the overall theme as we all try to please our task masters. I start out grumpy and end the session sharing intimacies of our lives. Well when you have your leg planted up on the therapist's shoulder as she strokes, smoothes and pushes down on (ouch) your tender hamstrings barriers come down.

Nobody looks happy coming to PT so conversation in the wait area is pretty much non-existent. I, of course, want to know "what are you in for?" Usually surprised as I guess wrong. People just kind of point or hold up the injured part. The hip people are amazing compared to the knee people so I want one of those. 'Tis the season so the whole area is massively decorated with Halloween ghosts, witches, cobwebs, pumpkins, devils, etc.  Rather gloomy surroundings for folks in recovery. I wish I was scheduled for Tuesday as I would assume the therapists would come fully costumed with basically mad doctor, scientist or other "death-like" outfits. 

My check-up looming in ten days has me worried that my progress will not be enough to please myself or my Doc.  Performing my stretchies several times a day and now adding my elliptical bike to the routine, but my back and non-operative leg pain persist in hindering my recovery. I literally have to force myself through each exercise session, which I thought should have been a lot easier at this stage. I keep pushing to walk as much as possible. If I knew this was all normal recovery, I would be a little more optimistic.  I am curious to see how long one can go on 2--3 hours of sleep a night. 

POD UPDATE Two meetings last week to discuss future podcasts. The MSU group is torn between "agricultural accidents" and in-depth fatality investigations. Both gruesome, but interesting. As many farms are family-owned they do not fall under the scrutiny of MIOSHA as sole proprietors or family employees. You would be amazed at the number of animal-related deaths and injuries that occur, not to mention the standard trapped in the silo incidents. Another possibility is to discuss the numbers and causes of tree-trimming fatalities that occur in this State. Again usually sole proprietor so not always investigated by MIOSHA. Be sure to get licenses and insurance when hiring the "tree people".  Though several years ago I monitored a tree trimmer program put on by the industry and they were still advocating ineffective protective equipment like bicycle helmets. 

The second meet was an early rehearsal for the Cannabis producer/retailer SkyMint. Mornings are tough as it takes time to unkink my sore and weary body. As it was over ZOOM that also necessitated shower, hair wash/style and makeup. Then the two ladies kept their cameras off!  I warned them they would be seen in the YouTube version of the poddie so be sure to wash/style/shave or whatever they needed to do. I kept asking questions off-script as I was just curious how it all worked but they did not dodge anything. 

One thing I found interesting, and unusual for the Safety world, is how loathe the different cannabis producers are about sharing. For most of us, reinventing the wheel is avoided when an older larger company has already addressed similar challenges. As a new industry (five years since legal) the different producers/vendors are hung up on guarding their individual practices. Another fun fact - they are covered by so many different legal entities they can be inspected several times a week. I ventured a guess that all these folks were just curious, and they did not say I was wrong. That was an advantage of MIOSHA in that I got to experience all types of industries and work practices. Though I took a  pass on touring the chicken incubators and rendering entities. Call me crazy.

MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY Still deciding on whether to go to the Lake for all Hallows as we get zilch kids in Grand Ledge and I optimistically bought a lot of candy. I also have a rep to uphold as I have been "serving" little cups of an alcoholic nature (Hot Damn, Butter Shots) to the cool parents.  I rarely ask for ID. Except for the very tall but very young sounding reveler who refused to remove his mask for a once-over. I'm not that gullible.  Peace out... 💚  💙💛

                                                                

TUNNEL LIGHT AHEAD, I HOPE (Oct 23)

PROGRESS My affair with Ben & Jerry continues unabated as the substitute shopper picked up another pint.  I have been rewarding myself after a particularly difficult PT session with a couple of spoonful's of the decadent dessert. Still 10 lbs down from pre-surgery though. In my right mind I would never have bought the second pint. Thank goodness the OH is looking out for me or worried about my appetite loss. Still long nights but also a couple of firsts. First trip to Meijer for boosters and long walk to the other end of the store to pick up more fruit. Washed dishes a couple of times and am back to laundry duty. Substitute was using too much detergent and using the wrong cycle even with detailed instructions, God love him. Besides it's mostly my unmentionables which just became mentionable. Actually, cleaned bathrooms (somewhat) and ran the vacuum. Followed by a long rest of course. 

The cane has been retired though I did use it in the rainy parking lot. Funny story on the cane however. I stuck it into the shopping cart and then almost impaled a lady trying to get past me in the aisle. I said sorry I was a new user still working out the quirks.  She was immediately sympathetic. Whew lawsuit averted. Do you know that once the therapist notices you are handling an exercise well they up the punishment? I asked my person if she ever gets cussed at. She said yes, but they always apologize lol. They watch your face as they apply the torture to gauge how far they can go. Not a time to be a hero, but you all know how stubborn I am, hence the need for my ice cream fix upon returning home.  Hoping to get back to driving this week however so they are helping me get back my independence. They always tell me what a "good doggie" I am when we finish so that helps too. 

WARNING, TURNING DARK Such an odd feeling to be temporarily disabled. It makes one more emotional when watching the news. Empathizing with the horrible tragedies unfolding and the people affected even more acutely. Feeling helpless to change anything and filled with anger over the injustices suffered by innocent people whose only sins are to be born in the wrong place and caught by the justified cruelty in the name of religion. Then in the US watching the crazies act out with a hell of lot less justification besides ego and power (House of Reps). Also when your co-conspirators plead guilty and agree to testify against you it is time for the MAGA's to fold up their tents. Instead they double down, call in death threats, commit murder-insanity. The world is on the edge of absolute chaos and we're playing games instead of finding solutions together.

CHANGE OF PACE Next interview being set up with some folks from MSU. You know that institution that had what one might call a bad evening last night. No coach, several stars abandoning the team and entering the transfer portal, no offense/defense and no QB kind of hobbles one's efforts. This of course on the heels of Harbaugh's latest scandal for which no doubt he will give himself 3 whacks with a hockey stick on his derriere in the name of corporal punishment. When you resort to sketchy tactics it rather explains why you can beat up the league then embarrass yourself on the national stage. The entry of the West Coast teams next year should prove interesting. 

Two pre-interviews I have planned this week have turned into ZOOM meetings. As I normally conduct the pre on the phone I may now have to don make-up and coif the hair so as not to scare my potentials with my ghostlike pallor. Perfect for Halloween though. Tentatively planning our usual trip to the Lake to hand out treats and booze to the neighborhood. We get zilch in Lansing so we have been celebrating my favorite holiday where the little people actually roam.

NOW THAT'S FUNNY Funny thing happened at PT. You are all soldiers fighting your individual battles there but you do talk. When my therapist had me go back and forth across the room - march/knees high; walk like you're crossing puddles; then the killer - heel on one foot against toe of other. I told her I couldn't do that for the cops so I'm pretty sure you're out of luck. Brought down the house.

 Another good news item. Billboard Chart published the top 500 Best Pop songs, and my baby sister's fave was No. 2 Dancing Queen. She always believed that was written for her as she was "just seventeen" at the time. That made her "so very happy". In the icing portion of my PT visit I was softly singing a Blood Sweat & Tears classic (for some reason I have been getting music bugs in my head when in pain) and my therapist was clueless. Though she did volunteer her Grandma liked Ricky (Frankie) Valli...sigh. Just when you think you're relevant.   Peace Out  💚 💙💛

MINISTRY OF FUNNY WALKS (October 16)

 

Well one of those days.  Mama said there would be days like this (cue the music).  Up and feeling good and then crash, boom, crunch @##$% kind of day. I appreciate folks hanging in there as I am working at about 50% at this point.  Knee coming along, stamina not so much. But the real problem is my back as we spend our nights together trying to find the one magic position that does not result in a squirmy achy pot of jello. Sorry trying not to be negative but blew that ship out to sea already. 

However, my next podcast script is done and date set for recording. Following up my standards-based program about the grow industry of cannabis with folks from SkyMint talking about the real nitty gritty of retail challenges and security.  With all my recent activity researching the industry you would think I would have reached out for some "chemical" help at this point of my surgical recovery but I'm staying strong. Odd that after much begging for speakers, I now have at least four in the "wait room" and no energy to pursue. Some of this is self-inflicted as I have forsworn the walking assists and am relying totally on myself at this point so there's progress (even, stupidly stairs). The therapy folks are always waxing poetic about how great I am doing so I am doing my best to represent. I would love to find a lightweight portable stool though I could carry around.

Doctor visit was welcome as my final bandage was removed (ouch? actually not so much) and I was able to shred the horrendous compression stockings - yay. He was happy with my progress but I believe more admiring of his needlework.  He said he would not have to give me a "Dad lecture" as I was improving.  I pointed out I was old enough to be his Mother so try again. Ran into an old work chum from MIOSHA who was on her 2-week checkup for a total ankle replacement-no weight bearing for six weeks-so one can always find someone worse off. Meanwhile I'm up to riding a bike in therapy so I reward myself with another sliver of Ben & Jerry when I get home from PT-seems fair. 

Oops, experiencing a power outage AGAIN so trying to preserve how much the generator is handling. Need my "potty power" and heat more than laptop.  Hopefully this is not a long one-though it's about the 3rd one since the big storm a couple of months ago. Peace Out ....💚 💙💛

I REALLY KNEE'D THAT (October 9)

 I'm back. Or at least most of me. I am now 1/16th robotic woman (just a guess). Quite an adventure thus far and more fun to come. On the bright side, I have lost 9 pounds since surgery. I guess one needs to "bulk up" before major surgery. However, I would not recommend this method of weight loss. I have been eating a lot healthier as 1) I have no choice; and 2) drugs do wreak havoc with one's snacking gene.  Though I will admit an intimate encounter with Ben and Jerry last night where I skimmed the top off the little pint of caramel, fudge etc. etc creamy dream. But this was the treat at the end of the 210-calorie healthy veggie bowl I had for dinner. I wonder if this foray into good eating will last. 

My last fully conscious day (day of surgery) occurred after the multiple tasks of cleaning one's person, clothes and sheets which also ranks up there as my last normal night of sleep. Then upon entering the inner sanctum of pre-op I had to strip down naked and wash again with six separate sheets of, thankfully warm, cloths. The hospital gowns are high-tech with an air-blown system hooked up that you control from hot to cold.  However still breezy in the back which I never understood. Then at least three of us autographed my leg. I was ready to play tic-tac-toe, but they took the pen away. It's all fun and games until someone gets the actual surgery. 

 There was a whole team of anesthesiologists introduced to me, like we're going for drinks later. Then the "training" session with a resident who got to insert, who knows, their first spinal needle for the block. Fun and terrifying to watch on the screen as her boss guided and complimented her technique. It worked as life stopped existing below the belt. My last conscious moment was seeing four masked marauders on my left and three on the right sliding a board under me and slipping me like a slippery eel onto the operating table. Without a chance for a witticism - I was gone. 

Waking an hour and half later I was able to actually make a couple of phone calls. This is known as the "honeymoon" period when one has not tried to walk yet and there is no pain. I was even able to order lunch. Do you know how unhealthy the choices are at a hospital? Though I was able to order a salad. But better off than my "fellow" recovery patients as one kept complaining loudly about being "hangrey" and no one there to give him a ride. and another having continual dry heaves. I was dubbed "the good patient" by the RN in charge.

This passes when rehab gets their hands on you. They are very matter-of-fact and, I'll say it, cruel! Anyway, she ties this harness around me and says she'll hold my gown together as she marches me through both rooms of recovery. Hello world-welcome to the full moon. Then tells me to use the walker to climb 3 steps-yeah right. I did, but a more unsafe way to mount a little platform I have never seen. All this activity along with multiple cupfuls of water and nature would not be denied. I bee lined for the restroom with the rehab lady gallantly trying to keep my assets covered. Niagara could not have been more splendid if I say so myself. That meant I met the tests of mobility and potty training and could be released. The other method of elimination took several more days but eventually all is in working order. 

The OH had set up the wheelchair ramp to the back door for my entry. However, neither one of us realized the angle would be so unfriendly to wheeled walkers as I was threatened with the possibility of rolling backwards onto the garage floor. I abandoned the walker and took an arm. Over the course of time, I am getting adept at walker, cane and free-lancing (grabbing walls). But I have to demonstrate a variety of dance steps for the Doctor this week with the walker. The phrase I have heard the most the last 10 days is SLOW DOWN. PT started immediately in addition to performing 3 sets of exercises every day. Plus I have to get up and move/walk/stumble every hour.  The thought that I would be sitting around eating bon bons and reading trashy novels went away immediately. This is work! 

Especially love the sexy white TED compression socks I have to wear all day. As far as panty hose goes you can't destroy these suckers, which of course makes them a challenge to put on. I only needed help the first day and I rinse them out myself-autonomy and all that. I even started taking showers after two days including hair washing though the first couple of times were exhausting. So I am improving, but a long way to go.

I now switch to outside physical therapy though it was sure nice with the therapists coming to the house as they were insistent but compassionate. From what I hear that was Purgatory and the next few weeks will dip closer to Hell (for us Catholics who like to differentiate and rate after-life punishments). Speaking of PT, I just completed my first load of laundry so went up and down stairs at least three times. I showed OH how to perform the function, and he has, but I just had to get back to it. It all counts as exercise right? Even took a ride OUTSIDE to my daughter's house to reassure my grandson I was pretty much intact. He attached himself to my good side while we talked and he performed. 

Even after 10 days or so it is still a major surprise every time I get up and realize "I ain't right". Going to take a while.  Peace out....💚  💙💛

THE GAME IS AFOOT/A LEG (September 25)

THE DANCE CONTINUES  Less than 72 hours to slice and dice time. Amazing all the last-minute thoughts and "must do's" that crop up-mostly unnecessary I imagine. Today we are cheering section participants at Joe's flag football game and playing cards with some friends later so not sure how much I will ramble today.

 Laundry will probably be an up to the last-minute undertaking. Putting all my hospital and pj attire into plastic bags. Instructions demand clean clothes, clean sheets and, I'm guessing, clean thoughts along with TWO showers!  I am instructed to bathe before bed and upon waking for my procedure. Maybe the lack of sleep is calculated so that the patient gives less resistance. Using fancy sterile soap that I must leave soaking on my person to supposedly, kill all the little bacti (is that a word) that live on me, for two full minutes without the shower running. Interesting as I was rather expecting the operating room would be cleaned/sterilized before use. Hopefully they are using real anesthesia not just a shot of whiskey and a stick clenched in one's teeth. I know they want you awake enough to slide onto the FREEZING operating room table. Apparently, that is to cover themselves in case they drop you in transfer. Also from past experience, I have discovered they do not listen to any witticisms you may have at the moment of truth. Then it's la la land. 

I have been seeking out positive recovery stories rather than the doom & gloom each medical person has laid on me in the last month or so.  So far 1) one attended a wedding a week later; 2) I may be driving in two weeks (if it wasn't my driving leg-it is); 3) one riding his motorcycle 10 days after hip replacement though my friend tells me her husband is not one to take No lightly. Slight setback when one lady told me her friend actually managed to break her titanium hip. Strongest metal my rear admiral!

On the plus side I have a stack of magazines and a literal bag of books my sister laid on me. The bag was so heavy I still haven't taken it out of the car. Completed my interview on Cannabis production issues which will play the month of October and have the next interview lined up for later next month, so I'm off-duty. UPDATE:  Ran into an ex-colleague at the game who agreed to appear on my podcast to talk about construction oh yah. Another month's program. I may take Christmas off. 

I DIGRESS Told you my mind is not right-maybe it never was.  Just texted neighbor at the lake to be sure my coffee pot is unplugged. I NEVER leave heat producing appliances plugged in. Occupational hazard hanging out with fire folks is you learn a thing or two. When on a post-fire investigation I was able to see the actual track of the fire directly from a plugged-in toaster. Made me get religion about not trusting certain appliances because we are not always so careful with how we plug in, pull out or manhandle cords. Internal damage that one cannot see could result in a little bit of hot-hot (technical term) building up and oops; time for the big red truck to make an appearance. 

Speaking of the big red truck I was able to experience riding in the back of one, in a jump seat, in the open air wearing an ill-fitting fire helmet. General hilarity ensued. I've also ridden in the back of the ambulance which I will state are not really designed for anyone to ride in safely unless they are the one lying down oddly enough. One must weigh performing life-saving techniques vs. rocking and rolling in the frantic race to the hospital. Request the I.V. be inserted in before you start....

UH OH OK, in all the mounds of detailed info and disclaimers from the Dr. there are still questions. No food or drink after midnight-check. No meds (believe me missing my pain med on my 7-day abstention). No jewelry-check. No nail polish-check. No make-up-check. No hair products-check. Sweatpants and roomy T-shirt-check. But what about underwear? No one has said anything about underwear 😕Peace out....💚 💛💙

SQUEEZABLE THOUGHTS (September 18)

WEATHER OR NOT If you want to predict the next bout of bad weather try following the athletic endeavors of a near and dear one. The Joe has signed up for flag football so of course the next rainfall is predicted for this afternoon. Well we've gotten wet before following his exploits.  Though they are calling it scattered rain possible. Nope it's hitting right at 2 pm when the flagging begins. 

There used to be a radio personality in GR in the 60's who always would pronounce it "scathered showers" much to my amusement. He was a retired TV cowboy which begs the question where do all the unemployed cowboys and clowns end up? Talking weather I guess. Though I do not recall Clarabel, Bozo or Howdy Doodie for that matter tickling the airways with their own weather renditions. Can you picture a marionette gracing the green board talking about the weather - little wooden hands tracking the latest storm on the map. Sesame Street creatures could also be tapped with Oscar giving the really bad weather, Kermit singing green songs about sunny days and Cookie Monster eating the set. 

Then there was the guy who hosted the Popeye cartoon show in Detroit claiming to be of a nautical background. About as much as the famous spinach eater himself.  And of course, we all remember Soupy Sales who starred with the notorious White Fang and always ended his programs with a pie in the face though it must have been a strain for the writers to come up with so many different pie-face scenarios.   

TO SQUEEGEE OR NOT Our own local weather man always stumbles over the words "thunderstorms" which comes out kind of garbled. Actually, Lansingites do have their own style of pronunciation. A roof is not pronounced like what a dog says; T's in words are ignored (Spar'an) and R's are added in odd places like Wa r shington. Now if one is a professional clown or cowboy allowances can be made. I did hear one pretentious speaker use the term squeegee when I am pretty sure he meant segue which allowed me to squeezy into a mental picture of the man at a traffic light, sponge in hand, waiting to smear my windshield for a donation. 

English is a funny language too, to, two. Inflammable and flammable (same thing), entrance (door) and entrance (mesmerize), ketchup or catsup; and mispronunciations are inevitable. Human beans (beings), liberry (library). One could be talking to a wri'er about books and squeegee to a conversation about funding liberries. No doubt my podcasts have revealed my own personal squeegees that are now preserved forever in the cloud.

QUE PASA*  Squeegeeing to the next topic I am starting talks with the Safety and Security Chief at a large cannabis retail chain. IP (indirect pun when one considers "chain smoking"). Of course there is a whole plethora of products that grace the shelves of this burgeoning industry. One relative explained his first foray into a legal "pot shop" where the clerk waxed poetic about the different types of product and their intended purpose and effect. Cutting the pitch short his only question was "what can get me highest the fastest?" As they say, the customer is always right.  My own experience was checking out, what I thought was a glass blowing shop, that exuded a familiar aroma. It was a glass shop for pipes and holders for the wacky weed.  Not really interested but those were the most mellow friendly storekeepers I have ever met. If I can obtain this interview, it will of course make a great follow-up to the MIOSHA cannabis grower and producer hazards podcast in October. 

HAPPIEST TIME OF YEAR Though Christmas decor is starting to pop up in the usual places we still have my favorite holiday, Halloween to enjoy first. I saw a lady in the Meijer's parking lot gaily decorating her rear license plate with a string of tiny little skulls-very festive. Then I noticed her "stump" resting on a roller cart. Was not sure which was scarier - her little skull baubles or her heavily bandaged half a leg. But she was thoroughly enjoying herself so have at it dear lady. Happy Hollows.

Our last week of summer is dawning sunny, warm and golden-partially because the leaves have started to turn. My very last hummer bird is still dining at the feeder so I hope the cool nights have provided a hint that he needs to book his passage south soon. The masses of tomatoes are coming to final colorful explosions and the great give-away has begun. Also this is my last week of a mostly intact body so scrambling to prep for my downtime. Peace out ,,,, 💚 💙💛

*program note: que pasa is a slang greeting along the lines of "wha's happening" popularized by Cheech and Chong when in a haze of happy 😎

DANCE MOVES (Sept 11)

SEPTEMBER 11- We will never forget. 😢

AFTER THE FLUSH I have spoken before that there are jobs people perform for which I have much respect as they are dangerous, distasteful and nasty to name a few.  One such came to mind as we drove by one of the City's pumping station, sewage pumping station. Reminds me of the song "a pump station has it's life underground with the perfect disguise above". I had been in that particular station with its nice clean brick exterior and a deep interior that takes more than a minute or two to make it to the surface if an alarm sounds. I got the (technical term) heebie jeebies just being inside it for a brief period. Yet an inspector goes in alone and a whole team if there is a major malfunction. Makes me believe robots have a role. 

SURGERY TO SENIOR MOMENTS Speaking of which, my surgeon is performing my knee "castration" solo, i.e., no robotics involved-boo. Well he's young and no doubt has the stamina to flip these arthritic pieces and parts with energy and gusto. Though I just spoke with someone who mentioned their friend managed to BREAK their titanium hip joint - damn.  It's getting real as I picked up my old people walker. You should see me whip it around, dance and perform gymnastics with the darn thing. Yeah funny now.  After it made it to the car a couple more errands were run. I fussed briefly that someone could just steal it out of the back seat but in retrospect the perp would probably make a very slow and obvious get-away. Easy capture. 

And speaking of the ever-evolving galaxy of "senior world" may we discuss the lighter side of hearing loss. Some may recall my dramatic eardrum blowup last Fall.  Pros-turn bad ear up when sleeping cuts noise; insults lose their punch especially if there is a proliferation of consonants in the phrasing; spousal disagreements are avoided 'cause if you can't hear, you can't react; a smile and nod usually suffice as a response. Ignoring someone becomes easier. Cons - smile and nod become rather silly when a question demanding an answer is presented. That uncomfortable stare you get as the questioner regards you impatiently with that confused look on their face. Responding appropriately is luck basically. One says "huh" frequently or the more polite, pardon? Gets old. 

Though it's not all fun and games. If you find a conversation veering into "cabbages or broken marigolds" you may want to listen harder. You might have just sold your car for Olive Garden gift cards or agreed to chair the church festival. And DOUBLE precaution. Always listen and repeat grandchildren comments or you may find your grandson sailing off the shed roof on a piece of cardboard with their assumption of your full knowledge and consent. Speaking of grandsons over the Labor Day holiday the two "Joes" taught me a new fishing term - QR. Otherwise known as quick release which apparently covers the unfortunate "loss" of the big one who tossed the hook before landing.

MEMORIES Hosting some family members this weekend meant a lot of stories, some I never heard before so interesting. Then of course my brother-in-law and I get into job disasters I have known each topping the other with renditions of body part mayhem and dumb things people do in the name of expediency over safety. And to top it off several fire departments put on a show on our bridge stealing water out of our canal so their rookies could get some practice handling the charged hoses. A task I have done during agility testing and failed to pass. There's a reason more than one FF is on a hose but of course you don't train that way. Adrenaline and an active fire scene help as well. Funny connection, since I waxed ad nauseum on the topic, but I was able to convince my fire department folks that hearing protection really works when standing next to a pumper belching out 100+ decibels. After donning the Mickey Mouses they realized they were able to carry on a conversation with the bad bad (technical term) noise filtered out. Somewhat important when someone yells out "MORE PRESSURE!" "MORE PUMPERS!" "WHERE'S THE NEAREST RIVER?"  "#%?@!", etc. etc.  Peace Out...💚 💙💛

                                                                  

STORM WITHIN/WITHOUT (August 28, Sept 4)

 "You are saying it's no big deal with your voice, but why are you making the mad face?" Can't hide it from the grandson when he does something utterly bizarre, and I say no big deal. He should make an excellent reader of "tells" at the poker table one day. 

I know two weeks. Well, we were slightly inconvenienced (4 days no power, 5 for cable; two days of cleaning up the aftermath) by a nasty storm that rolled through bent upon vengeance on an unsuspecting public. A few more like that and we won't have to worry about the rest of the trees threatening our naked roof and pergola. As we huddled in the basement clutching our favorite flashlight listening to sirens, wind and locomotive style rain I was looking at the wine wall behind the bar. In a bid for good health before the "great cutting" I gave up booze until after surgery. Which prompted the immortal words "I sure picked a lousy time to give up drinking". Spoiler alert-we survived and so did my frozen girl scout cookies and assorted meats. Though my main concern during the crisis was how long I could go before I could "flush" as we were running the generator periodically. Coupled with every street awash with fallen trees, wires, smashed thingies, trying to get to a gas station was harrowing. 

                 

                                  

The joint replacement "lamze" class was pretty much as advertised. This could happen, or that hardly ever happens and if you wake up on Ward 6 you did not have a good day. Blame the robot I guess. I think they covered each disaster, infection, amputation possibility and I echo the words of the OH during the real Lamaze class "I ain't doing that" but I will. Also, similar to Lamaze you have x amount of days to get in tiptop shape bringing on the second act of a gymnast and a third act of a nutritionist. Maybe we could have had the heads up a bit further back, like 20 years ago. As I dance into class, taking the stairs of course, I am surrounded by canes, walkers and walking casts. I feel like a fraud. Until I tried the exercises, they suggested we do, for real, 100 to 150 times A DAY. Well overachiever that I am, I tried and proceeded to blow out my good leg. When I relayed the info to the doctor his immortal words "don't do the exercises" (silent duhh). 

The surgeon's "spiel" as he called it further outlined the percentages of bad outcomes-thanks Doc. After his recitation I of course asked, "but will I be able to play the violin?" No humor but his resident enjoyed the old chestnut I am sure. I am and always will be, a smart ass. Dutifully trying to get my blood tests and MRSA nose job before my next anesthetic pre-meeting on the 5th I was roughly turned away from the lab as it being "too early" before the surgery. Called my hospital nurse who said "bullshit" or something to that effect, "I'll call them and reeducate. Go back tomorrow." Same location, same dance though more rudely this time. For those not in the know MRSA is that nasty little skin bacteria that likes to turn septic and run roughshod through a hospital so assuring people are clean is somewhat priority one. Using me as an inter-departmental punching bag however is not fun. 

The Doc did reiterate that the first couple of weeks are going to be hell-they are so cheerful or fall back on the "told you so" in case of disgruntled customers, of which he noted run 10 to 15 percent. Not a cheerful statistic. So in that first couple of weeks figuring out a basement laundry scenerio is essential. I can crawl down with a couple of books once a week and just pass the day with a porta potty or Uber to the lake house where everything is on one floor. However my thought is to purchase 47 pair of underwear to get by and rotate a lot of sweats. Obviously the OH will have to figure out his own strategy.

Meeting so many people lately intently interested in my health, and asking the same litany of questions over and over has jumbled names and areas of expertise so I started calling them "sweetie". I am so ashamed. I now get why age-appropriate folks resort to that. I am not proud but it gets the job dpne.

Further stories next week though we are entertaining all weekend. Have laptop will travel. Peace Out 💚 💙💛

NOT MY BEST IDEA... (August 21)

 

2-WHEELING Ah Michigan. Shorts and flip flops in March if there is a whisper of Spring and slacks/jeans in August with a whiff of 60 degrees. I really have respect for the intrepid motorcycle contingent. Braving iffy weather for the thrill of the ride. Though not sure which is worse those monsoon-like rainstorms in summer or the sneaky patch of black ice as they tease out just a little longer season. The Police I worked with at the City hung up their Harleys on November first regardless. Funny I never got to do a ride-along with the motorcycle fuzz. No doubt due to my lack of cool knee-high Harley boots.

I tried the 2-wheeled world briefly but never got out of my neighborhood, though I was excellent circling the house in first gear. I discovered I was able to pick up my Honda 250 after it fell on me though, which is part of the initiation phase of "biking". Extremely dramatic of course which is why one wears leather and helmets and boots and gloves and... shoulder pads...chest protectors...face mask...designated driver.. but I digress. Mine was a private spectacle though a neighbor did express concern. The OH knew better than to say anything negative or of the "told you so" variety. Slide out from under, pick up traitorous machine, climb aboard and zip out in first gear once again.  My brother, a Kawasaki aficionado, called it a baby bike and proceeded to show me by riding my bike with his belly stretched over the seat and his feet hanging out the back end. Real funny. 

I marvel at those hoisting vehicles so big their feet cannot touch the ground unless in a hard lean which I'm guessing teaches one to make smaller and smaller circles, so you don't have to come to a complete stop. Cars just don't understand the obstacle they present to riders. I guess I am just better at the back seat position, though it is hard not to lean into turns with your host. Another tip-do not look at the speedometer from the rear seat with a careless driver. My "Polish bike (his word) brother took it up over 100 mph on a well-traveled road with me clinging like a barnacle on a ship bottom.    

JACK IT UP! Speaking of speed, snowmobiles. Michigan has two seasons: winter and construction. On a mid-winter (February) trip to the Upper P-way up-Marquette for a conference, what does one do on the off hours (besides drinking and the only place in the world I sing Karaoke)? They bring their snow machines. My only experience with the snow toy was in ancient times when a little yellow ski doo was all the rage. So, when it was suggested we try out the machines, in the dark (full moon on a trail) in Marquette I was all in. Shall we say, ahem, things have changed. 

Climbing into the foul weather gear, think toddler in a snowsuit, boots, hat wanting to go potty-you are trapped.  Waddling out to the innocent looking machine was exercise in itself. Then imagine blasting through the woods in the dark hanging on for dear life with nothing behind you to hold you on the seat. Those suckers move! I almost got dumped during that ride but with the noise I don't think my friend would have even noticed. Not to mention similar to a turtle I doubt I could have stood back up on my own considering I was encapsulated in 20 pounds of gear.  One thing that makes it safer, LOL, is the animals certainly hear you coming and get the hell out of the way.  All that being said, however, IT WAS AWESOME!  and valuable point, nobody died.  😮

I REALLY KNEED THIS Switching gears as I climb out of the snowmobile, I am so looking forward to my knee surgery Lamaze class, as I call it, this week. The OH has to go too as the caretaker. I am hoping it will be at least as graphic as the original Lamaze class where the immortal words were spoken "no, I'm not doing that".  No, not me the OH when they showed the home birth video. Sometimes too much information is too much. 

I still think so many people believe women just drop them babies, no sweat and get back on the wagon train on their way to Californ I A. Media has painted an unrealistic picture of the 1800's and beyond when it comes to birthing. They never show the bonneted woman cussing out her old man or explains why they boil the water; just no big deal and baby at the end. Nobody wants to know how they make the sausage and why the sausage needs autonomy over her own life.  Peace Out....💚  💙💛 

                                                                            

WATERED DOWN (August 14)

Wild time at the ole watering park last week.  Yes, there was a lot of water and noise and humidity and little people bouncing off the proverbial walls.  On the bright side, my hair reacted beautifully to the tropical environment and curled nicely. Every type of swimsuit was featured with yours truly in actually a more modest skirted version. I swear people do not look in the mirror before they venture out, but no one asked my opinion (my new mantra). Apparently, I am considered opinionated so I'm working on it. 

One of the (multitudes of) lifeguards kept bugging me offering me way too much advice on where to stand to get the best pictures, lingering in my personal space as I watched for the intrepid daredevils to emerge from the "tube" and continually trying to engage in conversation. Almost missed the spectacular image of Grandpa and Joe shooting out of the tube and crashing into the wall- awesome!

When the time came for tumbling down the chute I invoked the "claustrophobia" card, so Grandpa did the honors by riding through the tube with the boy. Neither one looked happy at the end so whew! Though I did want to try it after I saw them go through, Joe was not a fan of a second run. He did try the body surfing attraction and I was rather intrigued until I realized I met half of the "precautions". You know "do not take this ride if you have....HBP, Osteo, loose bathing suit, paranoia, rickets, malaria, etc."  I did partake of the "Lazy River" eschewing the inner tube (that we all look so graceful entering and exiting) and just power walked with the current-have to get those steps in!

Though advertised as a luxurious experience, not so much. Everything was extra and the restaurant where "kids eat free" was a bit of a challenge.  Like the "Hotel California" you can order but you can never eat apparently due to the crowds, lack of wait staff and too few tables. The Joe did perform an impromptu song and dance routine with the clerk in the gift shop earning him a free sticker, however. He also discovered a VR (virtual reality) set-up in the arcade which took most of his money. Funny to watch when you're not in the game as the player swats at unseen predators and screeches to unknown terrors in the VR world. 

SAFETY STUFF Speaking of unknown terrors, (neat little segue) that is pretty much the description of an EHS professional.  Although we do try to anticipate the terrors/hazards and educate and protect appropriately. I was a big believer of using other people's experience as a guide. Always a win if someone does not die upon receiving said experience. 

Line workers would practice pole top rescue as occasionally one zigs instead of zags resulting in hanging from one's gear unconscious. Before I came on the scene, they were using themselves. Live bodies being "manhandled" off the pole after receiving the precordial thump (sternum punch). That led to obtaining our first Resusci Annie dummy. I won't even go into the inappropriate ways they referred to the young lady during training.  As they would say after I became their safety skate all the fun went out of their work. I bear the criticism proudly.

 I also destroyed the fire-fighter's confidence in their rescue "trampolines" as I pointed out no way to test them unless they wanted to take the leap themselves. Then there was the shotgun in the plant supervisor's office in case they needed to shoot down pigeons that managed to get inside the plant, umm no. Leaving only the risk of possible histoplasmosis from the pigeon droppings vs. the errant shot, angry worker or bloody carcass crashing to the ground. Or the crazy question from an engineer no less, "do we really have to vent the generator outside?" (though I think he wanted to blame Safety as it was cold). Yes, no fun at all.   So keep your powder dry and Peace Out.....💚  💙💛

RANDOM THOUGHTS August 7)

 

SAFETY RANT AHEAD Workplace accidents covered some headlines besides the three homicides in Lansing in the past week. A third teenager died this summer after becoming entangled in a conveyor system while cleaning a poultry plant at night. This occurred in Mississippi, one of the states working hard to roll back child labor laws. Another State wants to allow 14 year olds to bartend. Now there's a recipe for disaster. Sexual harassment and exploitation of minors is not even a consideration apparently. Because people drinking always make intelligent decisions.

On a personal level I can never get a regular bartender to understand vodka gimlet "up".  Usually get it in a rocks glass...on ice...arghh. Or telling a grasshopper that they have a drink named after them. "Steve he says in surprise".  I know. I had to break the mood. Being shorter would also be a factor when someone asks for "top shelf liquor", but I'm sure they will have safe ladders and other help to reach the lofty location.  Order bar stock-the life you save may be underage. 

I am still infuriated by a Director I accompanied to an awards ceremony at a factory achieving a stellar safety and health record. His private comments to me were "it's all luck anyway, right?" Diplomacy where did I keep that. Also that I didn't deck the guy for his uneducated callous attitude, not to mention repudiation of my entire career, can only be attributed to my legendary self-control. 😉 People don't really want to die or be maimed, but oh well we can just hire another warm body. Don't get me started on the die press that killed two 20 somethings who ran beneath the press between strokes to reset the controls that kept shorting out. Fortunately people lived long enough at the first factory to retire and the clueless "big shot" continued his political career and further bad decisions.

Which makes me think of fear - the great leveler. Two examples from work. A gentleman, after being electrocuted and fortunately brought back to life could never again do the highly dangerous, complicated and well-paid work. During recovery his nearest and dearest kept telling him he would never be safe again. Second example is a line worker with intense burns from a 17k line not only recovered but worked every day in the same capacity. One lost his nerve from fear, the other chose to rely on his training, protective gear and supervision to keep him safe. But it's only luck right?

I'm of the "get back on the horse" type after mayhem, but as I get older I am either more timid or wiser. 

NEVER GETS OLD On a personal level I was reminded this week of a totally Mom/Dad thing we do.  Even though our children are grown and independent we still need an occasional "check-in".  What we want to say "are you still alive? Are you happy? Do you need me for anything?"  Of course we are not quite so literal.  Usually it ends up a quick text (today's vernacular) "how are the roads? (did you make it to where you were going)" "Did you see this ad for thingamajigs/concert/festival/store (are you happy?) "I have a such and such, do you need one? (self-explanatory)"

 I remember the obligatory weekly calls to Mom which were five minutes of news and 45 of crabbing which were her way of posing the three questions. Do I really care that a 2nd cousin twice removed won the Nobel prize for physics or maybe that was a doofus award for showing up at work two days in a row.  Or the price of kumquats is rising, better "get me some". Or your brother/sister/nephew/total stranger did thus and so to who knows who. Miss those calls actually as they told me she was alright, until she wasn't. My way of putting it is "the umbilical cord stretches but it never breaks". 

SEAT ASSIGNMENTS During pandemic as we tentatively ventured back to familiar venues like church I found a spot that suited me. On the end, middle of the church, lots of social distancing. Once the masks were off, people started encroaching. I could make my mean face, but I just get there early. Same spot, still some social distancing but I noticed something interesting. People tend to sit in the same seats. As the OH says Lutherans who arrive early move down the row for newcomers. Catholics grab that aisle seat and only move to let latecomers get into the middle of the row. Same rule applies on a plane for me but at least I can designate an assigned seat. Another pet peeve. I would rarely, if ever, attend a concert/show, etc. unless there are assigned seats. 

Anyway I noticed the three other people in my church row were somewhat infirm (read canes). As I will be sporting my own mobility device after surgery apparently I am already in the right row! 

On our way this afternoon to Soaring Eagle Water Park for a couple of days with the grandboy so publishing early. Of course the weather turned to snot so no mini golf on the way up and no outdoor pool lounging.  Peace out.... 💚  💙💛