"You are saying it's no big deal with your voice, but why are you making the mad face?" Can't hide it from the grandson when he does something utterly bizarre, and I say no big deal. He should make an excellent reader of "tells" at the poker table one day.
I know two weeks. Well, we were slightly inconvenienced (4 days no power, 5 for cable; two days of cleaning up the aftermath) by a nasty storm that rolled through bent upon vengeance on an unsuspecting public. A few more like that and we won't have to worry about the rest of the trees threatening our naked roof and pergola. As we huddled in the basement clutching our favorite flashlight listening to sirens, wind and locomotive style rain I was looking at the wine wall behind the bar. In a bid for good health before the "great cutting" I gave up booze until after surgery. Which prompted the immortal words "I sure picked a lousy time to give up drinking". Spoiler alert-we survived and so did my frozen girl scout cookies and assorted meats. Though my main concern during the crisis was how long I could go before I could "flush" as we were running the generator periodically. Coupled with every street awash with fallen trees, wires, smashed thingies, trying to get to a gas station was harrowing.
The joint replacement "lamze" class was pretty much as advertised. This could happen, or that hardly ever happens and if you wake up on Ward 6 you did not have a good day. Blame the robot I guess. I think they covered each disaster, infection, amputation possibility and I echo the words of the OH during the real Lamaze class "I ain't doing that" but I will. Also, similar to Lamaze you have x amount of days to get in tiptop shape bringing on the second act of a gymnast and a third act of a nutritionist. Maybe we could have had the heads up a bit further back, like 20 years ago. As I dance into class, taking the stairs of course, I am surrounded by canes, walkers and walking casts. I feel like a fraud. Until I tried the exercises, they suggested we do, for real, 100 to 150 times A DAY. Well overachiever that I am, I tried and proceeded to blow out my good leg. When I relayed the info to the doctor his immortal words "don't do the exercises" (silent duhh).
The surgeon's "spiel" as he called it further outlined the percentages of bad outcomes-thanks Doc. After his recitation I of course asked, "but will I be able to play the violin?" No humor but his resident enjoyed the old chestnut I am sure. I am and always will be, a smart ass. Dutifully trying to get my blood tests and MRSA nose job before my next anesthetic pre-meeting on the 5th I was roughly turned away from the lab as it being "too early" before the surgery. Called my hospital nurse who said "bullshit" or something to that effect, "I'll call them and reeducate. Go back tomorrow." Same location, same dance though more rudely this time. For those not in the know MRSA is that nasty little skin bacteria that likes to turn septic and run roughshod through a hospital so assuring people are clean is somewhat priority one. Using me as an inter-departmental punching bag however is not fun.
The Doc did reiterate that the first couple of weeks are going to be hell-they are so cheerful or fall back on the "told you so" in case of disgruntled customers, of which he noted run 10 to 15 percent. Not a cheerful statistic. So in that first couple of weeks figuring out a basement laundry scenerio is essential. I can crawl down with a couple of books once a week and just pass the day with a porta potty or Uber to the lake house where everything is on one floor. However my thought is to purchase 47 pair of underwear to get by and rotate a lot of sweats. Obviously the OH will have to figure out his own strategy.
Meeting so many people lately intently interested in my health, and asking the same litany of questions over and over has jumbled names and areas of expertise so I started calling them "sweetie". I am so ashamed. I now get why age-appropriate folks resort to that. I am not proud but it gets the job dpne.
Further stories next week though we are entertaining all weekend. Have laptop will travel. Peace Out 💚 💙💛
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