BLESSED BE THE FROGS (October 27/169)

BOAT BOOT After a brief stint holding up the dock at the lake the shapely pontoonie made her way back to her winter quarters. Always an all-day affair with me nervously driving shotgun behind the massive boat on her massive throne. And, of course, after discovering a great route down back roads, one of our favored passages had a road closed sign naturally. So, we lumbered through Portland and skirted the construction zone at M-66. Ms Pontie is heedlessly unaware of the consternation she causes rolling down two-laners and startling hapless two-wheel riders on the road as her monster shadow dissolves their daylight.

GOLDEN ARCHES coming next...With a 2,000-person capacity, is the new ballroom going to be rented out for weddings? Partitioned off to hold multi-meetings? Just like a gold-plated hotel conference center. Considering the "people's house" is only a temporary rental turning it into your own house is pretty much taboo. And golly, another money-maker for the resident-in-chief. So, who is going to be using a garish, grotesque ballroom underwritten by tech giants and other oligarchs currying favor? Don't know how we missed exploiting all our national treasures until marmie got the keys. Hand slap to head. I'm sure that will change. And actually, and this is brilliant, paid for by our president suing his own country! If he only used his power for good....  Only the best architects. If preliminary drawings are to be believed they show a staircase leading into a wall and windows opening into each other. Low bid obviously or, friends of marmie. 

I actually don't think the White House has sustained so much damage since the war of 1812, inflicted by our enemy-duh. Makes sense that after destroying two branches of government (Congress, White House) is the Supreme Court next on the list? Oh yeah, chief Johnnie is already handling that project. BTW about the talking point that other presidents made changes. Indoor plumbing comes to mind. Changes made through proper channels, input from proper channels and commissions and approval from Congress. Oh yes, remember them? Maybe the reno is just an elaborate tomb for the Epstein files-there is a bunker there already and the workers are being forced to sign NDA's, hmmm. 

LOUVRE'D WINDOWS Talk about life imitating fantasy. The Louvre Museum heist is a case in point. People just ignore or curse at obtrusive construction projects, but they don't really look at them (explains why so many road workers get bonked) Thus a couple of dudes with a ladder land on a museum balcony, cut out the window and haul away 100 million in jewels. Then they slowly ride down the ladder to the ground, where their get-away vehicle (a giant snail according to Stephen Colbert) carries them off into the sunset only to be captured a few days later.  No doubt by the modern-day version of Inspector Clouseau. There actually was a debonair guy in a hat and umbrella with the police, so that is not so far-fetched of an idea. Having visited the museum I'm surprised that doesn't happen more often as the place is usually packed with visitors and priceless gee-gaws are everywhere. Though one imagines the place is wired, except for that window of course so who knew that? 

FIND YOUR BLISS Couple of notes from last week's protest. In case I need to explain it, Marmie himself said he should be a king-hence the No Kings battle cry. No trash left behind or violent protests unless you count the plastic creatures sprinkled among 7 million citizens marching. I especially like the Anti-Grans that showed up (old ladies). Because he can't stop himself, in what democratic, representative government of ALL the people would one see its President sending out a meme piloting a fighter jet dropping excrement on the protesters. Disgusting and very telling that he is so easily riled up. So, the protest worked. True to form, when a higher road is called for marmie wallows in the gutters. And man get some fiber in you-that stuff was loose! Strangely my symbol for many years has been the frog, long story...

                                                       

Podcast recording this week, then on to the Lake for All Hallows, my favorite holiday. Supposed to be rainy, but hopefully my little creatures will show up. I bought the big candy bars this time and, of course, Butter Shots for the Moms and Dads. Peace out/stay strong...💚  💀👾👿  💙💛

NO KING/ONLY CLOWNS (October 20/170)

OPENING LINES I don't know why I settled on Sunday to create my weekly epistle. Sunday is my housecleaning and laundry day which necessitates running up and down stairs multiple times. Now that's a lie. I haven't been able to run up and down stairs since my hip/knee/back all took their proverbial, but very descriptive, crap. I usually cling to the handrail like a stubborn grease stain on a dress shirt; or a drunk koala to a eucalyptus branch; or a slug on a blade of wind-blown grass; or spaghetti stains on plastic...well you get the point. I am very ssslllooowww on the stairs, but I get a lot of steps in.  Plus, I owe the Director of MIOSHA a draft script tomorrow for our podcast next week. Feels like I actually have a job. 

Random:  Must be hard for the pseudo-Christians in marmie's inner circle to pray as they must spend all their time stroking his ego 24/7. Yeesh

EYE SPY Well the OH got his second cataract surgery. He now possesses at least one eagle eye. He insisted on getting sunglasses (Foster Grant of course) and readers right away, but I keep telling him "challenge yourself", don't use crutches like that until you, well, see what you can see. Regular eye doctor this week will determine if he can read unaided or not though distance vision is great. However, for the first time since before we were married, he has naked eyes-no glasses. As full-blown hippies from the 60's when I left for home to get ready for the wedding, he sported a mustache and naked eyes. Shows up two days later with no hairy lip and GLASSES. What the h---? False advertising, but we went through with it anyway. 

But then there is always some drama in life. Internet-love it or hate it-bearer of interesting facts and terrorizing info you really did not want to know. After successful surgery, according to the surgeon, OH slept most of the day with the eye patch. Next morning however, he woke up and said, "I'm seeing these flashes in the corner of the eye." Ruh-ro. One of those specific things they said should not happen and call right away if it does. Crap. I call and get a stepped up recheck time. Can you be here in 20 minutes? It's a 15-minute drive even without all the road construction and I am not even dressed for public consumption. "Of Course". I managed the hair-raising ride with only one yellow/pink stop light bypassed. He told the doctor my driving was a lot "different" now that he can see-real funny. Well, they laughed (all men).

In my few minutes waiting for a call back on a new appointment time I idly look up eye flashes after cataract surgery. "Very rare occurrence is eye flashes which could indicate a possible retinal detachment." Major crap. I decided to keep that fun news to myself-no sense both of us worrying, but it explains my running the red er er pink light. I made a similar decision years ago when my doc told me they found cancer and again thought no need both of us worrying until the biopsy. Not a smart decision as it precipitated a lecture on shared disasters. Obviously, I don't listen. 

After dilation and much rooting around no retinal damage detected. Just sometimes people actually see the edge of the new lens kind of reflecting in certain light. Apparently, your brain eventually decides 
"no biggie" and you don't really notice it anymore. The ride home was a bit more sedate and grandmotherly with nobody clutching their pearls this time.

Random: Wonder why they call it meno-pause. Are they thinking we just take a break and then go back when we feel productive or is that reproductive. Just call it End of Life as We Knew It. Depending upon your point of view, of course, it can be quite liberating. 

SAILING AWAY Need to find a day this week to bring the pontoon back to its winter nest. Not much of an opportunity to use it. And summer even gave us extra innings. Always seemed like something needed doing back at the ranch. Even our week with JP at the lake was pretty much a washout-literally between the other boat almost sinking and hard rain for two days. Oh well we still have Halloween out there. The decorations are up, and my candy stash and Butter Shots are ready to greet our lakey friends. I'm hoping to see lots of costumes and the OH is just hoping we get less-more leftover candy. We just found out the big party is up the street at the Island House where everybody dumps their leftovers in the community bowl and parties hearty. May have to nip up there and check it out. 

JP's concert was entertaining, and surprisingly those middle school boys have quite a few deeper voices in the mix. They were joined for the finale by the High School Madrigals. Not sure they were old enough to appreciate those beauteous ladies in their evening gowns as one of JP's friends said I couldn't hear myself sing as they were so loud. Oh well at some point...As they all swayed in unison singing "Circle of Life", I kept waiting for a grammar school disaster, but apparently a year or two of maturity forestalls spinning off the risers. They looked very mature with their hands at rest, their black ensembles and bright blue ties though JP had to take one lad by the shoulders very deliberately and move him into position. He also got some hoots and calls from the audience (besides us) when he came on stage. That's our boy.

Random: What do you call a ghost's favorite music? Sheet music. See how I combined music and Halloween there?

Thank you, America, for standing up for each other this week. Not a Hamas lover, anarchist, or country hating body in sight as we busily practiced our first amendment rights. Peace out/stay strong....💖 💙

  

ALL THAT GLITTERS (October 13/171)

HAS to be said. The military combat standards are the same for everybody-men, women, black, white, Hispanic, clown, regardless of what hogshead says. How do you think bone spurs got rejected? Now on to more fun stuff.

"Moving day is a great reminder of how out of shape you are, ta ta boom!"

CHAPTER 1 My way of introducing we have completed the 2nd and 3rd legs on the stool of the great sofa shuffle. After almost two months of waiting decided to "drop in" on the furniture store and light some fires. Which is really a bad idea in a furniture store-all that wood you know. Hello and who are you is a not an auspicious beginning especially when they thought they hung up on you the night before, hence the in-person visit.  

After a frantic ten minutes or so, it was reported that a call to the factory indicated furniture was finished and shipped, ruh oh; and a call to the trucking company indicated furniture shipped and delivered, double ruh oh. Ok, we're tearing the warehouse apart. Surprise! Two pieces of unassuming furniture with our name all over it just sitting innocently in their little plastic panties. This is Wednesday and they only deliver to GL on Wed and Friday. I recklessly said Friday, as the OH has his eyeball enhancement surgery next week. Which means I may have to cook, er, er, order pizza while he's out of commission. Only sizeable flyswatter in the ointment is that I have to move old stuff out before Friday to the lake. But amazingly when $800 is on the table movers can work miracles after stringing them along for 8 weeks. 

The guys who showed up were just 2 inches shorter than the low ceiling kitchen at the lake house. Their hands could palm a beach ball. They handled those heavy leather couches like they were tossing a golf ball across a football field. Very humbling. Conversely, the dudes bringing the new stuff were a couple of gents who were considerably older and smaller-but same physical acumen when it comes to bouncing furniture around. Double humbling. As we always say, the best tool in our toolkit is our checkbook. 

CHAPTER 2 We got to know our delivery dudes from the store quite well as it turns out. Both hunters and one runs a gym in town. However, that wasn't it. After watching their skillful back-up into the driveway, one hops out and starts for the house, then whirls to go back to the truck. Where he proceeds to pull and pull and pull on the door handle. Chuckling I assume he locked the door as he shouted to the other dude. Surprise! He managed to lock all the doors on the truck including the back. There should have been a cartoon bubble over his head as he tried to figure out his next move. Keys, phone, etc are now inches away from being useful. Taking pity, I open the door and ask the obvious. So, we spent the next hour or so chit chatting after I lent him our phone to call the store. But as the store doesn't open until 10, all he gets is voice mail. Raise your hand if anybody comes in to work early and answers the phone before opening time. Well, I always did, but I'm crazy. 

Considering the complexity of all the moves related to the new furniture between Habitat, M&M and Mapes, I considered this a minor issue. They, of course, were horribly embarrassed and if I had been working, I would have been ticked waiting around for 2 hours to get my furniture delivered. But we're retired and we are open to excitement coming in strange forms. I offered treats from M&M's to coffee to Crown Royal vanilla, but they passed. 

BUT WILL I BE ABLE TO PLAY THE VIOLIN? As if there wasn't enough drama, we also had doctor issues last week. First, I get a text at 6:30 am Monday that my regular doc is out and so no appointment which are made six months in advance. Especially after no snacks the night before and yogurt for breakfast anticipating weigh-in. Had an ice cream sundae that day to compensate. This is the 2nd time this they cancelled this year-I must trigger bad mojo for the guy. Last time the reschedule took three months, so I was surprised it's only two weeks but who knows. We don't do much but listen to my heart and lungs and argue about my blood tests so no biggie. However, on Tuesday I had the much-anticipated ortho appointment with my knee guy. Yes, I have a knee guy and a back guy. After much poking and prodding and MORE x-rays (I should glow in the dark at this point) it came down to do it now or do it later. My reckoning with my left hip has arrived. So, my knee guy is now my knee-hip guy. Much like my cancer & colonoscopy surgeon-you don't want to know what I call him. 

 I like to make these little "bon mots" as Dad called them. Like when delivering a baby I suggested we use the Volga Boat song as background music (think about it). I was also able to use the line (not my own) when the radiologist said these were supposed to be your golden years. I said they are as we're full of gold, silver, platinum, titanium...Only thing worse is entering your golden years without any gold actually. 

First concert for JP this week and I hope one of many as he pursues his career in musical theater (my wish) or zoology as he adores all that swim, walk and fly and can recite chapter and verse on each. We don't even bother to read the signs or listen to guides at animal enclosures, as he knows more than they do. Mom and Dad had to take him clothes shopping as the choir ensemble was black shirt-pants-shoes of which he owns none as he lives in sweatpants and colorful sneaks. Peace out/stay strong..💚  💛💙

HAPPY/MESSY OCTOBER (October 6/172)

"What do you get if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?  Pumpkin pi (da da thump). 

As we crash headlong into the "Fall of the Leaf" (thank you ancient Britain) ponder that, by average, the cost of Halloween went up $11 to $114.45 per person! What the hell are we buying? Champagne truffles for the neighborhood and renting real ghosts? Like the horror show of our country right now is not scary enough. Tariffs be damned I say and spring for that Vietnamese-made "Wicked" costume. Nothing says 'Merica than southern Asia's take on little blonde and green girls. I vote for a home-grown "Old Spice" look for men wearing nothing but a towel and a whole lotta .... nice smell. 

SPEAKING OF SPOOKY Why do we care more about a crazy murderer's political slant than why we continue to make it easier to provide guns and IEDs to mentally ill dudes? Meanwhile, the local "gun and knife" show goes on notwithstanding a horrendous attack on a church. But I'm sure all the new purchases and purchasers will be registered and documented.

Hogshead and marmie had a big party and nobody laughed or clapped much to donjulious' dismay. Even when they said they were going to fire all the non-white, female and fat soldiers (to their faces) plus they can practice war games on American towns. Who wouldn't want to be part of all that macho crap? Word to the unwise. Loyalty to the chief changes based on whim so don't think you're not vulnerable all you fawning cabinet lapdogs. Right down to the repubs who would rather shut down the government than give Americans health care. You will not be rewarded. You are just more cannon fodder reserved for a later date.   Did you forget you got all three branches of gov-this one's on you. History will not be kind.  

TWO IN THE BAG Latest poddie is playing and I actually recorded the November program last week-yay. As the program was ergonomics and back injuries, we got to tell stories. I mentioned working in a bakery in the summer paired with a dude a foot taller loading and unloading trays from an oven. Nasty hot work, but I didn't show any weakness as I'm sure he was not happy to be yoked to this short little female ox. One job I particularly worried about was digging little angel food cakes out of the pans using my bare hands-no gloves. Their rough edges dug into the cuticles, but apparently nobody died, and I did wash my hands. The long shifts and constant and overwhelming "bakery" aromas made it impossible to eat anything, so I usually crashed on my lunch break and drank two cartons of milk for the 8-10-or 12 hour shift. I was certainly at my fighting weight that summer.

December podcast is devoted to MIOSHA probably rounding out their big 50th anniversary, and hopefully, not their last. Then I'm going to tap a security specialist who is dying to be famous. Can't wait to hear what we can do to protect ourselves when schools, restaurants, stores, churches, parades, worksites are basically shooting ranges anymore. 

WEEK AHEAD Two medical appointments this week. First my 6-month check-up of which anymore consists of reviewing blood tests and arguing meds, checking lungs and heart. Kind of a whole lot of nothing. Next day is the orthopedic consult on whether I keep my hip or not. Though basically they won't be happy until my spine is held together with gorilla glue and duct tape. The back surgeon called it plates and screws, but I know they always take the cheap route. 

After a whole morning with the eye surgeon the OH finally got approved for the second cataract surgery, so he's ecstatic. Like being able to see is such a big deal.  Of course, I predict the furniture we've been waiting for the last six weeks will probably show up necessitating a coordinated move of old stuff to the lake and new stuff being delivered. Then we have to move the pontoon to storage before the ice hits. Nothing precipitates a bunch of must-do chores than a surgery date so I'm assuming a lot of juggling over the next couple of weeks. If not, hopefully the furniture switcharoo also occurs before the snow hits. 

JP is getting his "sea" legs on the bowling league. He was responsible for all four points won Saturday. However, he was the only one who showed up out of four facing another 3 down 1 up team. Until football season is over, they keep playing short. But he was over average so all good. Little listeners. He took me aside to mention his history/social studies teacher may be a trump guy as he will make remarks about good things massa t does. I said just go with the flow which is sad as the non-mags have to be the adult in the room. 

What do you call someone who imitates your Fall decor - a cornucopier.😆Peace/stay strong.💚💙💛