HAS to be said. The military combat standards are the same for everybody-men, women, black, white, Hispanic, clown, regardless of what hogshead says. How do you think bone spurs got rejected? Now on to more fun stuff.
"Moving day is a great reminder of how out of shape you are, ta ta boom!"
CHAPTER 1 My way of introducing we have completed the 2nd and 3rd legs on the stool of the great sofa shuffle. After almost two months of waiting decided to "drop in" on the furniture store and light some fires. Which is really a bad idea in a furniture store-all that wood you know. Hello and who are you is a not an auspicious beginning especially when they thought they hung up on you the night before, hence the in-person visit.
After a frantic ten minutes or so, it was reported that a call to the factory indicated furniture was finished and shipped, ruh oh; and a call to the trucking company indicated furniture shipped and delivered, double ruh oh. Ok, we're tearing the warehouse apart. Surprise! Two pieces of unassuming furniture with our name all over it just sitting innocently in their little plastic panties. This is Wednesday and they only deliver to GL on Wed and Friday. I recklessly said Friday, as the OH has his eyeball enhancement surgery next week. Which means I may have to cook, er, er, order pizza while he's out of commission. Only sizeable flyswatter in the ointment is that I have to move old stuff out before Friday to the lake. But amazingly when $800 is on the table movers can work miracles after stringing them along for 8 weeks.
The guys who showed up were just 2 inches shorter than the low ceiling kitchen at the lake house. Their hands could palm a beach ball. They handled those heavy leather couches like they were tossing a golf ball across a football field. Very humbling. Conversely, the dudes bringing the new stuff were a couple of gents who were considerably older and smaller-but same physical acumen when it comes to bouncing furniture around. Double humbling. As we always say, the best tool in our toolkit is our checkbook.
CHAPTER 2 We got to know our delivery dudes from the store quite well as it turns out. Both hunters and one runs a gym in town. However, that wasn't it. After watching their skillful back-up into the driveway, one hops out and starts for the house, then whirls to go back to the truck. Where he proceeds to pull and pull and pull on the door handle. Chuckling I assume he locked the door as he shouted to the other dude. Surprise! He managed to lock all the doors on the truck including the back. There should have been a cartoon bubble over his head as he tried to figure out his next move. Keys, phone, etc are now inches away from being useful. Taking pity, I open the door and ask the obvious. So, we spent the next hour or so chit chatting after I lent him our phone to call the store. But as the store doesn't open until 10, all he gets is voice mail. Raise your hand if anybody comes in to work early and answers the phone before opening time. Well, I always did, but I'm crazy.
Considering the complexity of all the moves related to the new furniture between Habitat, M&M and Mapes, I considered this a minor issue. They, of course, were horribly embarrassed and if I had been working, I would have been ticked waiting around for 2 hours to get my furniture delivered. But we're retired and we are open to excitement coming in strange forms. I offered treats from M&M's to coffee to Crown Royal vanilla, but they passed.
BUT WILL I BE ABLE TO PLAY THE VIOLIN? As if there wasn't enough drama, we also had doctor issues last week. First, I get a text at 6:30 am Monday that my regular doc is out and so no appointment which are made six months in advance. Especially after no snacks the night before and yogurt for breakfast anticipating weigh-in. Had an ice cream sundae that day to compensate. This is the 2nd time this they cancelled this year-I must trigger bad mojo for the guy. Last time the reschedule took three months, so I was surprised it's only two weeks but who knows. We don't do much but listen to my heart and lungs and argue about my blood tests so no biggie. However, on Tuesday I had the much-anticipated ortho appointment with my knee guy. Yes, I have a knee guy and a back guy. After much poking and prodding and MORE x-rays (I should glow in the dark at this point) it came down to do it now or do it later. My reckoning with my left hip has arrived. So, my knee guy is now my knee-hip guy. Much like my cancer & colonoscopy surgeon-you don't want to know what I call him.
I like to make these little "bon mots" as Dad called them. Like when delivering a baby I suggested we use the Volga Boat song as background music (think about it). I was also able to use the line (not my own) when the radiologist said these were supposed to be your golden years. I said they are as we're full of gold, silver, platinum, titanium...Only thing worse is entering your golden years without any gold actually.
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