Thursday, December 7, 2006
SCENIC EXERCISE
Love my exercise routine... as long as no one talks to me. They open early, only 30 minutes and most of the women do not look better than me. Very Important! Now if the bouncy ringmasters in the middle ring would not insist on being bright and cheery and carry on conversations I would be in heaven. I do not hate people, just people yapping in the morning (6 am) when I am busting a gut on resistance machines. That series of Ugh, Oof, Pant Pant does not really lend itself to scintillating conversation. Of course it does leave me room to peruse the room and observe the techniques of the other dedicated ladies. One I call Minnie Mouse as she rather resembles one of those lawn ornaments whose legs and feet pump furiously in the wind. She even drives a little roller skate shaped vehicle which only perpeturates the vision. Digress: I remember riding down the strip in Grand Rapids as a teenager in a classic betetle back in the day. My day anyway. One woman struggles as she works some of the machines but she is there regularly doing what she can and I admire that. You would not see a lady in that shape at the fancy fitness training facilities. There is room for these, dare I say, Mature lady gyms. Well I 'm there right?
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I felt the need to go off on a tangent here. I don't watch a whole heck of a lot of TV, but occasionally I surf through the channels while waiting for a Red Wings or Pistons game to begin (I almost never watch any show that has an ending I can predict - that excludes 99% of non-sports TV shows, plus all Lions games cuz I KNOW they're gonna lose). As I surf aimlessly, I sometimes see those exercise shows - you know, the ones where there's a lady or fella up front with a well-chiseled physique and a never-ending smile, thrashing legs, and torso around in a well-choreographed "exercise" routine, while behind them a group of equally-chiseled ladies execute the same maneuvers in lockstep. Maybe they watch the Marine Corps Silent Drill Team to get hints on how to move in perfect unison (without throwing those bayonetted rifles around...can't have any sharp objects making runs in those skin-paint Spandex exercise suits, can we?). And we can't overlook the two things that seem to make these shows bogus: 1) all of those people are SMILING the entire time, and 2) they're NOT SWEATING. How can this be? Contrast all of the above with the scenes in a typical gym. Does anyone exercise in unison with anyone else? Nooooooooooo, not even in the "group grope" aerobic classes, even when the music sets a moderate pace. Does anyone sweat? You bet they do, if they're doing the exercises correctly. Does anyone smile? Maybe when they're finished...or perhaps that's a grimace?
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